Family

My parents arrived here late Saturday night and it has been wonderful to have them here.  We enjoyed church together on Sunday and we've been able to sit around and "visit" together.  I love having my mom to comfort me and help me with things around the house and my dad has been able to drive me to my appointments or to the store to give Kevan a break.  I'm thankful that they came all the way from Michigan to be with me.  My mom has been cooking up some comfort food for us (potato chowder), doing my laundry for me, cleaning the kitchen, etc.  It has been so nice.  I took a bath yesterday morning and when I went into the bedroom to get dressed my bed was made.  It was the best feeling.  I couldn't wait to crawl into it in the afternoon and take a nap.  It was so inviting.  Thank you mom! 

Physical Therapy

I'm happy to say that I only have 2 more PT sessions left.  Thank you to any who prayed for my scar banding/cording from my mastectomy.  The banding/cording is all gone and I have full motion in my arms again.  Praise God!  The therapy seemed so slow at first, but it has improved so much.  The ladies at the PT center took great care of me and I am so thankful for them and their knowledge.  They pushed me to do my exercises (which I am so bad at) and I'm thankful for that too.  It is so great to sleep with my arms above my head again and not wake up because I forgot how painful it was.  I can totally lift my arms above my head now without any pain.  It is so wonderful.  I am so glad that God gave us PT knowledge!

Chemo #3 - Day 8

I think I'm doing really well so far since last Tuesdays treatment.  I am on Day #8 today and haven't really had any side effects except for the usually nail pain, intestinal issues, throat/stomach pain and foggy brain.  I don't think they have been as bad as the last 2 sessions.  I am starting to have the bone pain today from the Neulasta shot (in my hips) and realized that the Claritin I purchased is 12 hour instead of 24.  So, that might be why...I don't know.  It isn't too bad yet and the doctor prescribed some pain meds this go around, just in case!   But, I don't like to take them unless I have to.  I'm weird like that.  lol!

I haven't said much about the menopause symptoms of chemo, but I have missed my period by several weeks (for the first time in my life) and experience MANY hot flashes throughout the day and night.  It is awful.  Night time is worse because it is cold right now at night and I get chilled after a hot flash and then I can't sleep because I'm too cold.  Then, the hot flashes cause me to get hot and it is a never ending night time battle.  I wake up every 30 minutes to an hour now either freezing or sweating.  I am pretty tired throughout the day from not sleeping good at night.  I'm going to talk to the doctor about it next time I see him. 

I can't think of anything else "new".  I am happy to say that I'm not experiencing anything too bad this treatment and I'm praising God for all your prayers!  One thing I want to mention though is that when I am having issues each day I try to "fix" it on my own and forget that I am just a prayer away from comfort.  Stupid me will go a couple days in pain from intestinal issues before I realize that I haven't even really prayed about it.  Duh!  Then, I pray and God answers.  I should be praying for these symptoms every day, but I get caught up in them and forget that I'm not here alone in this.  My Comforter is just waiting for me to ask.  I need to lean on Him so much more than I do. 

5 Weeks Post-Op Update

It has been 5 weeks since my bilateral mastectomy/reconstruction surgery.  It feels like it has been longer than 5 weeks.  I haven't taken any pain medication (advil, aleve, etc) in over 5 days.  I still have pain, of course, but I can deal with it.  Since I've started back to work I've noticed that I have to get up and walk around every hour or two and stretch my muscles or my chest starts to really hurt.  I could probably take something, but my stomach was really having a rough time with the ibuprofen.  So, I decided the muscle/suture pain was not as bad as the stomach issues.  I'd rather just deal with the pain.

I am a little sad that I do not have the range of motion I would like.  When I put my arms over my head or try to stretch to get something I can feel something pulling in my chest and it is very painful.  I'm guessing it is the sutures for the tissue expanders.  I really really dislike tissue expanders.  I am thankful for them and their purpose, but I cannot imagine what it is going to be like to go through this pain, getting fills at the same time I'm doing chemo.  But, maybe the chemo will take my mind off of the TE's.  <Update - I provide an update here regarding my range of motion.  It wasn't due to the sutures.>

Chemo starts 2 weeks from today.  That means, my hair will start falling out in about 1 month. I made the mistake of researching the two drugs (cytoxan and taxotere) I will be getting in my chemo "cocktail" before I went to bed the other night.  NEVER do side effect research before going to bed.  It will just make you worry until you finally fall asleep from exhaustion.  I did learn a few things though.  Those that mentioned minimal side effects drank LOTS of water after their chemo infusions.  So, I will try to remember to drink water....I am not big on drinking anything.  I usually start with a drink in the morning and I'm still drinking the same one in the afternoon.  So, I will have to force myself.  Also, they said to use "Hard as Nails" to keep your fingernails from falling off.  I guess that is one of the side effects of one of the drugs and most of the posts I read...they lost their nails.  I will try that as well.  Also, I tried to find someone online with an Oncotype score of 70 (high risk of recurrence), but I couldn't find anyone mentioning that high of a score. 54 was the highest I saw and most were in the teens or 30's.  My age and that high score were the reasons I'm having to do so many rounds of chemo and Tamoxifen.  :o(  If anyone reading this is a breast cancer survivor with an Oncotype score as high (or close) to mine will you comment and let me know how long you've been in remission?  I'm just curious.

I am still waking up several times each night because of the pain from the TE's.  It is mostly because I try to lay on my side or I move my arms and the pain wakes me up.  I'm also still dreaming about removing whatever the bra is that is causing my chest pain.  lol!  You would think after 5 weeks my brain would realize it isn't a bra and it can't be removed, but I woke up trying to get it off again this morning.  I am literally using my arms to try to locate it to remove and I can't find it...that is when I wake up.  lol!  I'm no longer having bad dreams.  I'm guessing that was from the heavier pain meds or the valium I was taking.  I'm thankful I'm back to good dreams or the ones I don't remember.  Also, I still have to lock the cats out at night.  They used to sleep on my chest so obviously this is a huge issue and I get tired of fighting with them all night long and moving them.  I am surprised at how sore my chest is still when I push on it.  One really freaky thing is....if I scratch my nail over my breast skin....I can't feel it at all.  AT ALL!  There are no nerves left I guess.  Now, if I push on myself I can feel pressure, but it is not at all like it used to be.  :o(  It is just freaky. 

One wonderful thing about today is....Kevan gets home today!!  I cannot wait to see him and hear all about his mission trip.  I've really missed him.  It's been 10 days since I saw him last.  A very long 10 days.  He called me last night when he crossed the border back into the US.  It was great hearing his voice.  He sounded tired.  But, still excited from everything.  His phone was dying so we were only able to talk for a few minutes.

Started back to work....

I started back to work yesterday.  This probably means the blog posts will be fewer because I won't have much time.  I have been off for 5 weeks.  It is great to get back on my normal schedule.  I didn't realize how much I missed work and missed my co-workers until I started back yesterday.  It has been great to hear everyone's voice again.  Most of you know, I work from home.  I am really blessed that I can still recuperate at home and I don't have to rush to get ready, drive to work, etc.  I am feeling the "rush" of work already though.  lol!  But, it is a good thing.  Takes my mind of cancer, chemo and Kevan being gone.  I only have 19 days left until chemo starts.  Eek!

I am finally sleeping without having to prop myself up.....which is wonderful.  I'm sleeping pretty much straight with just two pillows under my head.  Hopefully, in a few days I'll be back to just one pillow.  I was able to finally sleep on my side a little last night.  Yay!  I am a stomach sleeper and, of course, I have not been able to sleep on my stomach.  I hate sleeping on my back so it was SO nice to finally be able to turn a little without much pain.  It did hurt after a while (I think it was the TE sutures pulling), but I was still excited to be able to do it even for a little bit.  Each day brings more things I can do once again.  It makes me appreciate all the little things that I took for granted before.

I haven't talked to Kevan since he arrived in Mexico.  It's been hard.  I can send him emails while he is there, but he has no way to reply.  I've been emailing him each day and they print it off and give it to him at breakfast.  If you are reading this and want to send him encouragement let me know (through email or FB) and I'll send you the email to send it to.  He would love to receive encouragement from others.  Hopefully, he's keeping a journal so he can remember the things he experienced and won't forget to tell me.  Also, some pictures have been uploaded to FB.  Here is a picture of Kevan praying over the town they will be ministering too.  A beautiful picture of my hubby doing one of the most incredible things that God has gifted us with.  Prayer.  We are so blessed that we can pray to God....the Creator of all things.  He listens, answers, loves and cares for us.  Amazing.

I don't really have much else going on.  No doctors appointments for 2 more weeks.  I still have quite a bit of pain in the afternoons, starting around 3pm.  Mornings are my best time.  Night time is a lot better and I'm able to sleep at least 4-5 hours now without waking up in pain.  I miss taking baths, I hate that I still have to take pain meds and I really hate that my chest feels like 2 big rocks (literally)!  I still wake up trying to figure out why I have a bra on and why my underwire is puncturing me.  Then, I realize, "Oh ya, that's not a bra, that is my body.  My weird freaky body".  lol!  But, I know this is only for a time.  So, I will just continue to pray for strength, healing and acceptance.  It is hard for me to accept.  Sometimes, I want to go backwards to when I looked normal, wasn't in pain and didn't know I had cancer.  It is strange that sometimes during the day I even stop and think "Really?  Is it true?  I have breast cancer and I've had a double mastectomy?"  I guess because it has only been a short time and this all happened so fast.  It is just hard to believe it's me with these 8 scars and more coming later during my final surgery. 

I feel like I'm whining.  Lol!  So, I better end this post.  I love you all and I thank you so much for your prayers for me and for Kevan.