White Blood Cells (WBC)...something one doesn't think about often, but they are sooooo nice to have. They are keeping me out of the hospital during these last few treatments. I had my Neulasta shot last Thursday and haven't thought twice about it until last night. Yes, I've been taking my 24 hour Claritin everyday to help with the bone pain, but other than that I forgot about the possibility of the "bone pain experience". The Claritin helps, but doesn't take it away.
I couldn't keep my eyes open last night...still feeling bad yesterday and being short of breath if I just walk across the house. So, I went to bed early. I had my normal night of hot flashes and didn't sleep well. Then, woke up at about 4am with the bone pain. Ugh! It is so bad. Don't get me wrong....I'm happy that my body is creating WBC's....but, boy, is it PAINFUL!
Be thankful for your WBC's and that you aren't feeling them being created. I'm trying to find a position where I'm not in pain and try to lay like that for as long as I can. The slightest move and it feels like my spine and hips are being torn out of my body.
This was my last chemo!!! I won't have to go through this again. PTL!
Showing posts with label Neulasta. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Neulasta. Show all posts
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Today I am a CHEMO GRAD!!!!!!!!!!!
My parents went with me to my treatment today. It was so nice to have them there. They got up VERY early this morning so we could leave at 7AM this morning to drive the 2 hours and 15 minute (it was longer due to stopping for gas and morning traffic) drive to the Sarah Cannon Cancer Center in Nashville. My counts were okay. My WBC count was 6,500...they said they like to see it higher, but since I'm going to have the Neulasta shot on Thursday I should be okay. I am also a little Anemic. My RBC count was 3.8 and the lowest of the good range is 4.04, but they said it was okay. I was actually feeling really good so I surprised my RBC count was low, but I see that my thyroid was VERY high and he didn't even mention it. I only noticed it because I asked for my records. I had my thyroid radiated in 2004 due to Graves Disease so I have no thyroid anymore...the radiation killed it. I do not take my thyroid medication that well. So, I am pretty surprised. I am taking it better though since the doctor suggested putting it on my nightstand and taking it before bed. I actually remember now. :o) Maybe the thyroid grew back from the chemo treatments. LOL!
Anyway, they confirmed that my burn on my hand was from the taxotere chemo drug, but it is so much better today that they aren't worried at all. I will try to take a picture in a few days. I forgot to mention that I did stop by their office last Tuesday to talk to them. I had to see a chemo nurse because they were gone for the day. She said it didn't look too bad at all and to just keep putting Aquafor on it and keep it out of the sun. The doctor told me that because I was on the Doxycycline it really helped it to not become worse. Big Praise!
I talked to him about my hot flashes and how they are driving me crazy and messing up my sleep. So, he gave me Megestrol (20mg). He thinks he will help and has promised it won't contribute to my weight gain (since it is such a low dose) even though a side affect is weight gain.
The doctor also confirmed that I will be going on Tamoxifen soon. I told him I wasn't sure I wanted to be on it, but I will try it. I just feel like if the side affects are bad I might be okay with declining it. I don't know. My biopsy was only 20% estrogen positive. I will have to take it a total of 5 years (2 full years, try to have a baby for 2 and then 3 more years). I am concerned about weight gain and hot flashes....well...and of course I would like to try for a baby sooner than 2 years. But, I guess I can always pray for a miracle adoption. :o) He told me that tamoxifen won't make me gain weight or have hot flashes. I'm going to ask a few of my friends that are on it and do a little research though. Also, I want a little time to go on a diet/exercise first before I start it. He wants me to wait 3-4 weeks to start my diet, but I can start the exercise now, on my good days, if I don't over do it. Last week I did go for a couple walks. One was almost 2 miles. I thought that was great for someone on chemo.
Chemo Experience
So, at 11am I was sitting in the chemo room...waiting in the chemo recliner for my IV (note: GET A PORT if you ever have to do chemo). It is funny because they are doing construction in the building so every time I come in for chemo the room is totally different. It was nice today because I found a recliner with 2 guest chairs! Normally, each recliner has only 1 chair because you are only allowed one guest, but I asked and they let them both stay with me. :o) It was a blessing! The nurse was great and only had to stick me twice to get blood! YAY! It worked on the 2nd try. I know there were some praying about this so thank you so much! My eyes were actually tearing up already the 2nd time because I was a little scared that we were going to have a replay of last time...but God was gracious. We met many sweet chemo patients today. It was a great way to end my treatment being able to talk about our stories together. I gave them my card and I hope I can keep in contact with a few of them. I got their first names so I could pray for them and I hope I hear from them so I know how to pray specifically for them and because I will always wonder how they are doing. It was not their last treatment and have different cancers. :o( So, they will need much prayer. At 2:30pm we were talking out the door.....so happy that this was it! I'm a chemo graduate! Another thing I can add to my list of experiences. I'm glad I will be able to truly say that I understand what someone else going through chemo is going through. It is rough! But, the Lord walked through it with me and when I prayed (and you prayed) He answered. What an Awesome God we have. A personal God that loves us so much.
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| Jayde getting chemo. Celebrating SEC football starting on Saturday by wearing her Auburn University head covering (it was a sweet gift), earrings and shirt. WAR EAGLE!! |
I was pretty out of it after chemo and very drowsy, but I wanted to celebrate so we went to Red Lobster for a late lunch. It was so good, but the last two chemo treatments I've had a weird thing happen when I eat. My throat won't swallow without me concentrating on it. I know, it sounds weird. I had to pause and think in order to swallow my food sometimes. Strange! Also, my mom hinted to the waitress that this was my last chemo day and she brought me a cheesecake with chocolate drizzle and it was VERY good. Thank you Red Lobster!
Apples
We arrived back home at about 6pm. I was tired and I have 3 boxes of apples (about 60) that need to be preserved before my side affects get too bad. My father-in-law was gracious and let me take what I wanted. His apples are SO GOOD! They are organic since he doesn't use any chemicals or sprays on his trees which is so great. My dad did most of the work for me on Sunday by picking them, climbing the ladder and fighting the bees. Thank you both!! I did help to pick some and paid for it the next day with muscles spasms at the top of my right tissue expander. Luckily, it was only bad yesterday and has not been too bad today. It was VERY sharp pains yesterday. It was fun to throw a few of the bad ones to the cows and donkeys (the horse was MIA at the time) and watch them eat them. One of the donkeys let me hand feed him. :o) They are pretty small apples so I don't think they will take too long to process, but it still requires energy. I have a magic apple peeler, corer and slicer...it does all 3 at the same time! The magic apple tool makes it go very fast. So, tonight I did 26 apples while sitting at the table (I will finish the rest in the next few days). I would put them in a solution so they wouldn't brown since I was VERY slow I didn't want to miss this step. Then, I blanched them for 2 minutes, vacuum sealed them, labeled them and froze them. I was able to do 17 cups tonight (3 bags of 4 and 1 back of 5 cups). I'll be able to make pie, cobbler or other dessert with them later. I have been so blessed during this journey with so many giving people. We were ready to put our garden in the week I found out I had cancer so we decided not to have a garden this year. YET, God provided. I was able to preserve tomatoes, green beans, okra, apples and one other veggie, but I can't remember right now. LOL! My brain is so fried.
So, with that....I can't type anymore. I'm going to bed and praying that I can sleep tonight despite the steroids they pumped into me today. Love you all! God bless you. I'm sorry for any typos or sentences that don't make sense.
Leaving you with a pic of Kevan and I. We went to a movie last week on one of my good days. You can see how chubby my face is getting. :o(
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| A friend of mine, who's initials are WDB confirmed that I have a double-chin and that I'm starting to look more like him everyday. Thanks WDB! Thanks a lot. lol!! |
Monday, August 20, 2012
Chemo #3: Day 14
Good morning! It is a great morning! I am starting on my 3rd week after my 3rd chemo and feeling pretty well. I love getting up in the morning when I know my brain is working a little better and the chemo fog is at bay. I had enough time to study God's word, enjoy His creation (our barn kitten playing, bunnies, birds) and drink my coffee. Right after chemo I can't drink coffee for about a week and I sure do miss it. The 2nd week after chemo I can drink it, but it doesn't taste right so I don't really enjoy it. The 3rd week....it tastes good again. Mmmmm! It was good this morning!
I was finally able to drive a little over the weekend. I had the opportunity to go to a Women's meeting at church yesterday and a baby shower at church. It felt great to drive myself. Once I was there for a couple of hours though I was getting pretty foggy brained and felt like I might have to call Kevan and my dad to come get me, but by the time I left I felt better. The chemo fog seems to come and go throughout the day. It still seems to mess up my vision as well.
I am still having to take Claritin for the bone pain from the Neulasta shot. I can tell when I miss a dose so I know it is working. I forgot to take it before we left for church yesterday and I had quite a bit of spine and chest pain. If I was smart I would carry it in my purse. My fingers and toes are pretty sore still. My computer has hot air that blows out the right side of it. So, if I use my mouse next to my computer it really makes my nails hurt (immediately) if they get hit by the hot air. They are so sensitive. I'm thankful I have all my nails still though...some women I know lost a nail or two during treatment. One thing that we've noticed after this last treatment is how fat and round my face is getting. I'm guessing it is the steroids and I'm praying/hoping that it goes back to normal after my last treatment. I was going to post a picture....but I'm not that brave. lol!
We took my parents to Lynchburg, TN Saturday morning to go on a free tour of the Jack Daniels' plant and learn about the history of the area. I was worried at first that I wouldn't be able to keep up with everyone, but I tried to sit and rest whenever there was an opportunity during the tour and it worked out great. If you are on chemo you might want to skip the tour...the smell inside the plant was making me sick. I just tried not to breathe whenever it was smelly and I made it through it. We also drove by the area where Davy Crockett lived when he was there and visited the little town square. I love history. Anyway, I wore one of my wigs all day. I don't know if it was the heat or what, but I developed a rash on my head. So, I don't think I will be wearing a wig for a few days. It hurts. Here is a pic of my dad and Kevan with Jack Daniels.
Below is a picture of my hand. A few days after my last chemo treatment I developed this chemo burn. I read some things online and it sounds like the Taxotere (chemo drug) leaked out of my vein which caused the burn. It is pretty painful...just like if I burned it on the stove. A woman online said that her hand scarred pretty bad from her burn so I'm praying mine does not scar. I will talk to my oncologist about it when I see him next Tuesday and also about how to prevent it next time. This is the arm that I already have signs of lymphedema in and I am not supposed to injure my arm....so hopefully the lymphedema does not worsen due to this. What have you learned from Jayde's experience? If you have to go through chemo GET A PORT!
Kevan and I are leaving for Nashville tonight for a couple appointments I have tomorrow. I will be having my 3 month checkup with my breast surgeon who did my mastectomy. I can't believe it has been over 3 months! Also, I'm going to try to get fitted for my compression sleeve and meet with the lymphedema specialist at my surgeon's office. I just want to get her opinion on how I'm progressing.
Do you want to hear some great news? A week from tomorrow I will be having my LAST chemo treatment (August 28th)! I am looking forward to finishing up and starting back to work again. A couple weeks after my last treatment I'm going to start my DIET....I can't wait to lose this weight I've gained. I'm going to look into a free 16-week breast cancer survivor program they have at the YMCA. Downside is that it is a 45 minute drive to the closest one with the program. But, I really want to get back in shape! Also, I'm looking forward to my hair growing back. ;o)
Romans 15:13 - "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."
Again, thank you all for your prayers. God blessed me this chemo treatment. It wasn't as bad as the first 2!
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Family
My parents arrived here late Saturday night and it has been wonderful to have them here. We enjoyed church together on Sunday and we've been able to sit around and "visit" together. I love having my mom to comfort me and help me with things around the house and my dad has been able to drive me to my appointments or to the store to give Kevan a break. I'm thankful that they came all the way from Michigan to be with me. My mom has been cooking up some comfort food for us (potato chowder), doing my laundry for me, cleaning the kitchen, etc. It has been so nice. I took a bath yesterday morning and when I went into the bedroom to get dressed my bed was made. It was the best feeling. I couldn't wait to crawl into it in the afternoon and take a nap. It was so inviting. Thank you mom!
Physical Therapy
I'm happy to say that I only have 2 more PT sessions left. Thank you to any who prayed for my scar banding/cording from my mastectomy. The banding/cording is all gone and I have full motion in my arms again. Praise God! The therapy seemed so slow at first, but it has improved so much. The ladies at the PT center took great care of me and I am so thankful for them and their knowledge. They pushed me to do my exercises (which I am so bad at) and I'm thankful for that too. It is so great to sleep with my arms above my head again and not wake up because I forgot how painful it was. I can totally lift my arms above my head now without any pain. It is so wonderful. I am so glad that God gave us PT knowledge!
Chemo #3 - Day 8
I think I'm doing really well so far since last Tuesdays treatment. I am on Day #8 today and haven't really had any side effects except for the usually nail pain, intestinal issues, throat/stomach pain and foggy brain. I don't think they have been as bad as the last 2 sessions. I am starting to have the bone pain today from the Neulasta shot (in my hips) and realized that the Claritin I purchased is 12 hour instead of 24. So, that might be why...I don't know. It isn't too bad yet and the doctor prescribed some pain meds this go around, just in case! But, I don't like to take them unless I have to. I'm weird like that. lol!
I haven't said much about the menopause symptoms of chemo, but I have missed my period by several weeks (for the first time in my life) and experience MANY hot flashes throughout the day and night. It is awful. Night time is worse because it is cold right now at night and I get chilled after a hot flash and then I can't sleep because I'm too cold. Then, the hot flashes cause me to get hot and it is a never ending night time battle. I wake up every 30 minutes to an hour now either freezing or sweating. I am pretty tired throughout the day from not sleeping good at night. I'm going to talk to the doctor about it next time I see him.
I can't think of anything else "new". I am happy to say that I'm not experiencing anything too bad this treatment and I'm praising God for all your prayers! One thing I want to mention though is that when I am having issues each day I try to "fix" it on my own and forget that I am just a prayer away from comfort. Stupid me will go a couple days in pain from intestinal issues before I realize that I haven't even really prayed about it. Duh! Then, I pray and God answers. I should be praying for these symptoms every day, but I get caught up in them and forget that I'm not here alone in this. My Comforter is just waiting for me to ask. I need to lean on Him so much more than I do.
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
Chemo #3
First, I want to thank my mother-in-law, Judy, for taking her day off work and spending it with me during my 3rd chemo treatment on her BIRTHDAY. I felt so bad, but I didn't want to be alone and Kevan had to work. She was so gracious to come and sit in an uncomfortable chair all day. I know that it brings back memories for her during her two breast cancer journey's...sitting in that same room...going through the same thing....but God was with her and brought her through it TWICE. I'm so thankful he did so I would know this special woman. I noticed a couple times that she had tears in her eyes for me and I'm sure it was because of the memories too. Judy, I love you and I have been blessed by God to have such a wonderful mother-in-law. I know this is a special blessing because not many can say this about their in-laws, but I was blessed with great ones that love the Lord as well. Thank you so much for all you do for Kevan and I.
Chemo Day #3 Adventure (very long, but I don't want to forget the details):
Judy and I arrived at the Sarah Cannon Cancer Center at 10am. I didn't get called for my blood work until about 10:30. It was a pretty packed out place...which is sad since most of us were their for our chemo treatments. I weighed even more this time when they weighed me...I hate it. Next time they are probably going to have to use the 2nd big weight and that has never happened before. :o( Anyway, they took blood out of my finger for my blood counts to make sure I could have chemo. Then, we met with my doctor and his nurse assistant about 15 minutes later. He said my White Blood Cell counts were very high due to the Neulasta shot and commented that my bones were working overtime. Mine were 44,000 and normal is 4,000 to 10,000. (I'm sure it was everyone's prayers for me! Thank you!) So, because of the bone pain in my pelvis, hips, shoulder and sternum he is going to 1/2 the dosage this time (Praise the Lord!!!). This was happy news to me. The chemo nurse told me that they half the dosage in about 1/4 of their patients because their body reacts very well to the Neulasta shot and because those patients usually experience a lot of bone pain. I'm always such a special patient. lol! My doctor even commented yesterday that my body is VERY sensitive to the chemo, the drugs they give me and the shot. He also commented that I needed to start exercising on my good days since my weight is up. I guess I'll start using the treadmill that just sits in our living room instead of just hanging my purse on it. lol!
After we met with the doctor I go to the chemo room and find a chair I like. They are all recliners which makes it really nice. Although, Judy (or Kevan) have to sit in a normal chair and I'm sure it isn't comfy. I arrived in the chemo room about 11am. Once there, the drugs get ordered. I get 4 total (steroid, anti-nausea, cytoxan and taxotere - in that order). The steroid and anti-nausea meds take a little over an hour to drip. Then, the cytoxan was about 30 minutes and the Taxotere about 1 hour. So, a little over 2 hours for all. So, I want to get started as soon as possible.
Before I start the next section...if you have cancer and will be having chemo....get a PORT. I wanted one, but my doctor didn't want to put me through another surgery and he thought my veins would be just fine. We didn't realize at the time that I would be in the hospital twice so far and my veins would not cooperate at all. So, my advice to you...to make your life so much easier...is to GET A PORT! I should've demanded it.
I took a quick pic of myself in the chemo room (again, we aren't supposed to so I look funny in it since I didn't want to get caught smiling at my camera. lol).
First thing they have to do is my IV. One thing I am very tired of during this journey is the needle pricks. I already have scar tissue in 2 of my veins from the chemo and she told me that they can no longer use those veins for IV's. I want to say that I know that the following is in NO WAY the nurses fault. My veins were not co-operating on my left arm yesterday. I wanted to use my left arm only since my right arm is already showing lymphedema signs and the specialist told me not to use the right arm. So, please...no comments about the nurses. They are a blessing to me and I was praying the whole time for them and me. I believe that God wanted me to go through this for some reason because he wasn't answering my prayers. So, this was just part of his plan for me. Anyway, the first nurse tried to get a good vein. She noticed right away this wasn't going to be easy so she got a hot pack to see if she warmed my arm if they would appear. She had to prick me twice (about 20 minutes apart), but both times the veins wouldn't cooperate. So, she turned it over to another nurse. She tried once in another spot. Didn't work. Then, the chemo room was getting VERY busy so she asked another nurse to try. She tried 2 times to no avail. I was getting emotional because it is pretty painful to get pricked so many times and know that it was going to keep happening until it worked. The tears started to fall which I think really bothered the nurse because she didn't want me hurting. I tried to hide it, but I noticed everyone in the chemo room could tell I was crying. Sometimes I hate being an emotional girl! She suggested a little break. At this time, they had been trying for about 1.5 hours so far. They were really trying hard and not doing it too quickly so they wouldn't hurt me if they didn't have a really good vein option. I started to drink more fluids to see if it would help. Then, I told her to go ahead and use the right arm. I've NEVER had a problem with the right arm.
They called my doctor over to make sure it was okay to use the right arm. He measured a little with his fingers to see how much bigger the right was from the left. I told him last time I knew it was 6%, but I had just been discharged from a 4 day hospital stay where they pumped me with fluids. Also, the first time I had chemo they used the right arm. So, he gave them permission to use the right and they all agreed that they might use the right for my last treatment as well. The same nurse tried on the right arm on inside of the elbow because I didn't want it in my hand. When I get it in my hand my arm tends to hurt/ache during the drip process because the veins are so tiny. It didn't hurt during chemo #1 because they used a larger vein in the middle of my arm. Anyway, the vein didn't cooperate. She didn't want to try anymore (she had tried 3 times...we are at a total of 6). So, they called in a woman from another area who ALWAYS gets a good vein. :o) While I was waiting for her to arrive I posted a prayer request on Facebook so my friends would pray for me...I was very emotional at this point). She arrived a few minutes later, sat down, looked around, smacked my arm and chose on in my hand. :o( At this point, I was desperate...I didn't care where the vein was...I just wanted to get it over with. She tried a vein in my hand and it WORKED finally!!! They were able to take blood work for some additional tests, flush it and start my IV. Praise the Lord! Thank you all who prayed for me. They tried a total of 7 times before it was successful (God's perfect #)....a total of 8 though it you count my finger prick for blood counts. :o(
At 1:15pm they were finally starting my IV meds. I was so happy to finally get it started. I felt so bad that my mother-in-law was having to sit there and wait all this time. I told her to go grab some lunch for herself. So, she took a little break. I was able to hand out one of my cards that has my logo, blog address, email and ministry information to one of the nurses. I asked her to give it to a woman struggling with breast cancer. If she contacts me I will try to provide her with support and pray with her. She said she had a person in mind. Which was great news to hear. Here is a pic of my 'card'. I want to use it to reach out to those woman that are having a hard time with their diagnosis so I can pray with them and try to provide them hope during their journey. Also, ask if there is anything else I can do for them. (Kevan's cousin made me the logo based on what I wanted...he did an awesome job....also I blocked out my email from spammers)
I was also able to talk with an older woman next to me who had breast cancer and then 5 years later cancer re-appeared in one of her PET scans on her spine and liver. She is currently doing a clinical trial. There was a lot of commotion with her (due to vital checks, EKG breast, etc) so I wasn't able to get her name or give her my info, but I will definitely be praying for her...God knows her name. She also complimented me on my hair and told me it was a very stylish haircut. Then, I broke the news to her that it was a wig. LOL!
A young boy (about 16 or 17) came up to me at the end of his father's chemo and told me that he hoped my next chemo would not be so bad and that they would find a vein quickly. He said that he had been quietly praying for me and as he left he said "God Bless You". What a blessing! I told him God Bless you too as he was leaving the room. Such a sweet boy! I will be praying for them as well. I'm hoping to see them again so I can talk to them some more during my next treatment. There were a few other women in the back of the chemo room that also came up to me and told me they were sorry about my vein experience that day. I didn't realize so many realized what was happening since the room is so busy, but I guess when you are sitting there bored for so many hours and something interesting is happening everyone notices. lol!
I finished chemo at about 3:45pm. So, we were at the Cancer Center for about 5.75 hours. A long day. It was great to get out of there, but I wanted to say that I know it is hard for those nurses that have to watch so many get chemo every day (the same ones and new ones as well) and to go through the hardship of people like me with bad veins who don't have ports. They are all so sweet and I do appreciate them.
After chemo my MIL grabbed me some lunch (Lime Slush and breakfast burrito from Sonic. Ha!). Then, we drove back to my MIL's house and shortly after met up with some other family members for dinner. I wanted my MIL to at least have a special dinner on her birthday. So, we took her to the Old Spaghetti Factory in downtown Nashville. I was already starting to feel the brain fog and I was a little off balance already which I was really sad about. I wasn't able to eat much as I felt like I was gagging on my food. It was strange. After dinner we drove the 1.5 hour ride home. I had the bright idea of starting my raisins and prunes ritual earlier than I normally do after chemo. Usually I wait 4 days and my intestinal issues are already so bad that it takes several days of pain to get back to normal again. So, we stopped and got some from a store and I ate about 2 Tablespoons of raisins and 1 prune (I didn't want to over do it...usually I eat 3 to 4). Anyway, we went right to bed when we arrived home at 10:30pm. I woke up at 2am from really weird dreams that I was about to get sick. I laid there for about 15 minutes before I realized that there was no going back to sleep. The intestinal issues were starting earlier this time (Day 2). I was in a lot of pain. My intestines were cramping and talking back to me. lol! So, I spent the next 3 hours in the bathroom. Either on the toilet or laying in the floor. I found if I walked back to the couch and got comfortable I had to run right back to the bathroom...so I just laid in the floor in there. My kitty Stormie laid next to me like she knew Mama didn't feel good. It was sweet. I don't know if this episode was caused by the raisins/prunes or if it would've happened anyway since it always does at some point after chemo. I'm just glad that about 5:30am I was feeling much better. I made sure to drink some water since I really need to make sure I'm flushing out the chemo. Then, I laid down and was able to sleep until a little after 6:30am. So, I think I was able to sleep at least 5 hours. Which is a huge blessing since after my first chemo I only slept 3 hours. I didn't post the time for chemo #2, but I think it was 7 hours.
Today is a very special day. August 8th! My hubby's birthday. My doctor calls him "Husband of the Year". He really is. I am so blessed that God brought us together almost 10 years ago. He took the day off today so that we could do something for his birthday. I love you sweetheart! We have the day planned around my PT appointment and picking up a new license plate for the car. My prayer for today is just that my side effects will stay away long enough for him to have a special birthday. I'm already feeling weak and off balance so I'm trying to pray away those too. Here is a picture of us from the overlook where we got engaged. This was our 1 year anniversary hike (I was so thin and had hair!).
Again, thank you all for your prayers and for your encouragement. You all are a blessing as well.
Chemo Day #3 Adventure (very long, but I don't want to forget the details):
Judy and I arrived at the Sarah Cannon Cancer Center at 10am. I didn't get called for my blood work until about 10:30. It was a pretty packed out place...which is sad since most of us were their for our chemo treatments. I weighed even more this time when they weighed me...I hate it. Next time they are probably going to have to use the 2nd big weight and that has never happened before. :o( Anyway, they took blood out of my finger for my blood counts to make sure I could have chemo. Then, we met with my doctor and his nurse assistant about 15 minutes later. He said my White Blood Cell counts were very high due to the Neulasta shot and commented that my bones were working overtime. Mine were 44,000 and normal is 4,000 to 10,000. (I'm sure it was everyone's prayers for me! Thank you!) So, because of the bone pain in my pelvis, hips, shoulder and sternum he is going to 1/2 the dosage this time (Praise the Lord!!!). This was happy news to me. The chemo nurse told me that they half the dosage in about 1/4 of their patients because their body reacts very well to the Neulasta shot and because those patients usually experience a lot of bone pain. I'm always such a special patient. lol! My doctor even commented yesterday that my body is VERY sensitive to the chemo, the drugs they give me and the shot. He also commented that I needed to start exercising on my good days since my weight is up. I guess I'll start using the treadmill that just sits in our living room instead of just hanging my purse on it. lol!
After we met with the doctor I go to the chemo room and find a chair I like. They are all recliners which makes it really nice. Although, Judy (or Kevan) have to sit in a normal chair and I'm sure it isn't comfy. I arrived in the chemo room about 11am. Once there, the drugs get ordered. I get 4 total (steroid, anti-nausea, cytoxan and taxotere - in that order). The steroid and anti-nausea meds take a little over an hour to drip. Then, the cytoxan was about 30 minutes and the Taxotere about 1 hour. So, a little over 2 hours for all. So, I want to get started as soon as possible.
Before I start the next section...if you have cancer and will be having chemo....get a PORT. I wanted one, but my doctor didn't want to put me through another surgery and he thought my veins would be just fine. We didn't realize at the time that I would be in the hospital twice so far and my veins would not cooperate at all. So, my advice to you...to make your life so much easier...is to GET A PORT! I should've demanded it.
I took a quick pic of myself in the chemo room (again, we aren't supposed to so I look funny in it since I didn't want to get caught smiling at my camera. lol).
First thing they have to do is my IV. One thing I am very tired of during this journey is the needle pricks. I already have scar tissue in 2 of my veins from the chemo and she told me that they can no longer use those veins for IV's. I want to say that I know that the following is in NO WAY the nurses fault. My veins were not co-operating on my left arm yesterday. I wanted to use my left arm only since my right arm is already showing lymphedema signs and the specialist told me not to use the right arm. So, please...no comments about the nurses. They are a blessing to me and I was praying the whole time for them and me. I believe that God wanted me to go through this for some reason because he wasn't answering my prayers. So, this was just part of his plan for me. Anyway, the first nurse tried to get a good vein. She noticed right away this wasn't going to be easy so she got a hot pack to see if she warmed my arm if they would appear. She had to prick me twice (about 20 minutes apart), but both times the veins wouldn't cooperate. So, she turned it over to another nurse. She tried once in another spot. Didn't work. Then, the chemo room was getting VERY busy so she asked another nurse to try. She tried 2 times to no avail. I was getting emotional because it is pretty painful to get pricked so many times and know that it was going to keep happening until it worked. The tears started to fall which I think really bothered the nurse because she didn't want me hurting. I tried to hide it, but I noticed everyone in the chemo room could tell I was crying. Sometimes I hate being an emotional girl! She suggested a little break. At this time, they had been trying for about 1.5 hours so far. They were really trying hard and not doing it too quickly so they wouldn't hurt me if they didn't have a really good vein option. I started to drink more fluids to see if it would help. Then, I told her to go ahead and use the right arm. I've NEVER had a problem with the right arm.
They called my doctor over to make sure it was okay to use the right arm. He measured a little with his fingers to see how much bigger the right was from the left. I told him last time I knew it was 6%, but I had just been discharged from a 4 day hospital stay where they pumped me with fluids. Also, the first time I had chemo they used the right arm. So, he gave them permission to use the right and they all agreed that they might use the right for my last treatment as well. The same nurse tried on the right arm on inside of the elbow because I didn't want it in my hand. When I get it in my hand my arm tends to hurt/ache during the drip process because the veins are so tiny. It didn't hurt during chemo #1 because they used a larger vein in the middle of my arm. Anyway, the vein didn't cooperate. She didn't want to try anymore (she had tried 3 times...we are at a total of 6). So, they called in a woman from another area who ALWAYS gets a good vein. :o) While I was waiting for her to arrive I posted a prayer request on Facebook so my friends would pray for me...I was very emotional at this point). She arrived a few minutes later, sat down, looked around, smacked my arm and chose on in my hand. :o( At this point, I was desperate...I didn't care where the vein was...I just wanted to get it over with. She tried a vein in my hand and it WORKED finally!!! They were able to take blood work for some additional tests, flush it and start my IV. Praise the Lord! Thank you all who prayed for me. They tried a total of 7 times before it was successful (God's perfect #)....a total of 8 though it you count my finger prick for blood counts. :o(
At 1:15pm they were finally starting my IV meds. I was so happy to finally get it started. I felt so bad that my mother-in-law was having to sit there and wait all this time. I told her to go grab some lunch for herself. So, she took a little break. I was able to hand out one of my cards that has my logo, blog address, email and ministry information to one of the nurses. I asked her to give it to a woman struggling with breast cancer. If she contacts me I will try to provide her with support and pray with her. She said she had a person in mind. Which was great news to hear. Here is a pic of my 'card'. I want to use it to reach out to those woman that are having a hard time with their diagnosis so I can pray with them and try to provide them hope during their journey. Also, ask if there is anything else I can do for them. (Kevan's cousin made me the logo based on what I wanted...he did an awesome job....also I blocked out my email from spammers)
I was also able to talk with an older woman next to me who had breast cancer and then 5 years later cancer re-appeared in one of her PET scans on her spine and liver. She is currently doing a clinical trial. There was a lot of commotion with her (due to vital checks, EKG breast, etc) so I wasn't able to get her name or give her my info, but I will definitely be praying for her...God knows her name. She also complimented me on my hair and told me it was a very stylish haircut. Then, I broke the news to her that it was a wig. LOL!
A young boy (about 16 or 17) came up to me at the end of his father's chemo and told me that he hoped my next chemo would not be so bad and that they would find a vein quickly. He said that he had been quietly praying for me and as he left he said "God Bless You". What a blessing! I told him God Bless you too as he was leaving the room. Such a sweet boy! I will be praying for them as well. I'm hoping to see them again so I can talk to them some more during my next treatment. There were a few other women in the back of the chemo room that also came up to me and told me they were sorry about my vein experience that day. I didn't realize so many realized what was happening since the room is so busy, but I guess when you are sitting there bored for so many hours and something interesting is happening everyone notices. lol!
I finished chemo at about 3:45pm. So, we were at the Cancer Center for about 5.75 hours. A long day. It was great to get out of there, but I wanted to say that I know it is hard for those nurses that have to watch so many get chemo every day (the same ones and new ones as well) and to go through the hardship of people like me with bad veins who don't have ports. They are all so sweet and I do appreciate them.
After chemo my MIL grabbed me some lunch (Lime Slush and breakfast burrito from Sonic. Ha!). Then, we drove back to my MIL's house and shortly after met up with some other family members for dinner. I wanted my MIL to at least have a special dinner on her birthday. So, we took her to the Old Spaghetti Factory in downtown Nashville. I was already starting to feel the brain fog and I was a little off balance already which I was really sad about. I wasn't able to eat much as I felt like I was gagging on my food. It was strange. After dinner we drove the 1.5 hour ride home. I had the bright idea of starting my raisins and prunes ritual earlier than I normally do after chemo. Usually I wait 4 days and my intestinal issues are already so bad that it takes several days of pain to get back to normal again. So, we stopped and got some from a store and I ate about 2 Tablespoons of raisins and 1 prune (I didn't want to over do it...usually I eat 3 to 4). Anyway, we went right to bed when we arrived home at 10:30pm. I woke up at 2am from really weird dreams that I was about to get sick. I laid there for about 15 minutes before I realized that there was no going back to sleep. The intestinal issues were starting earlier this time (Day 2). I was in a lot of pain. My intestines were cramping and talking back to me. lol! So, I spent the next 3 hours in the bathroom. Either on the toilet or laying in the floor. I found if I walked back to the couch and got comfortable I had to run right back to the bathroom...so I just laid in the floor in there. My kitty Stormie laid next to me like she knew Mama didn't feel good. It was sweet. I don't know if this episode was caused by the raisins/prunes or if it would've happened anyway since it always does at some point after chemo. I'm just glad that about 5:30am I was feeling much better. I made sure to drink some water since I really need to make sure I'm flushing out the chemo. Then, I laid down and was able to sleep until a little after 6:30am. So, I think I was able to sleep at least 5 hours. Which is a huge blessing since after my first chemo I only slept 3 hours. I didn't post the time for chemo #2, but I think it was 7 hours.
Today is a very special day. August 8th! My hubby's birthday. My doctor calls him "Husband of the Year". He really is. I am so blessed that God brought us together almost 10 years ago. He took the day off today so that we could do something for his birthday. I love you sweetheart! We have the day planned around my PT appointment and picking up a new license plate for the car. My prayer for today is just that my side effects will stay away long enough for him to have a special birthday. I'm already feeling weak and off balance so I'm trying to pray away those too. Here is a picture of us from the overlook where we got engaged. This was our 1 year anniversary hike (I was so thin and had hair!).
Again, thank you all for your prayers and for your encouragement. You all are a blessing as well.
Monday, July 30, 2012
Chemo 2 Day 14: ER Visit
Yesterday was a great day. It was so wonderful to go to church, spend time with friends and we even helped celebrate our music director's birthday at a Mexican restaurant. Also, in the middle of the day I had a video chat session with my immediate and extended family. I miss them so much. It was nice to see all of their faces. Once I'm done with treatment I'm hoping to go up for a visit (to Michigan).
Anyway, I said all that to show how great I felt yesterday. I had no chemo brain fog, I didn't feel weak and I hadn't had any bone pain for quite awhile. Then, on our way home from the Mexican restaurant I started having pain down my life arm. I tried to blow it off and blame it on the scar banding in my arm. When I laid down to go to bed I could not get comfortable enough to where my arm didn't hurt, but I eventually fell asleep. At about 12:45am I woke up from a bad dream. I was dreaming I had pneumonia and the doctor's wanted to do surgery on my lungs! I realized I really was having pain across my chest. Pretty bad pain. I decided to get up and see about a pain killer. By the time I got into the bathroom it was so bad I was clenching my chest and praying I wasn't having a heart attack. It came in waves about every 10 minutes.
Since the beginning of this journey I have had nights where I have to get up from pain, sleeplessness or whatever and I never wake up Kevan. There isn't anything he can do for me so I just let him sleep. Well, last night....I woke him up. I was scared. We decided to call the on-call doctor at my oncologist office to find out if this is normal or a side effect from something. The answering service said we should receive a call back in 30 minutes. We never received one. So, we left and went to the hospital. It was VERY hard for me to make this decision because I really hate being at the hospital...but I really thought it might be a heart attack...it hurt so bad. In the end, it was determined my heart was just fine. They discharged me after that finding, but did not give me any diagnosis for my pain. Great. I called my oncologist this morning and was informed that this was also a side effect from the Neulasta shot and it was shoulder and sternum bone pain. So, if it happens again....I'll know the wave of excruciating pain across my chest is ok. It's normal after the Neulasta shot. Can't wait for the next one. Grrr!!
If you want to read about my ER Visit you can keep reading. Otherwise, know that I'm fine now. The pain has subsided and I am praying I won't ever experience it again. Oh the fun adventures of a cancer patient!
ER VISIT:
When we arrived, I walked to the counter and told the receptionist that I was having left arm and chest pain. She asked me for my SS#, name and birth date. Made a phone call about chest pain and in 1 minute I was in a room changing into a gown. I couldn't believe how fast. We were just driving down the road and the billboard for the hospital said 41 minute wait. We get there and it was 1 minute. Once in my gown two male nurses came in and hooked me up to the EKG machine and tested my vitals. Then, the IV nurse came in. Oh no! I told her I didn't want one. She told me I had to have one. I was thinking, "Why did I come here????? I don't want an IV". Just so you know...I have never minded having blood taken or having IV's. But, for some reason it is really painful for me now. I don't know if it is the chemo or what, but I hate it now. I let her give me one, but she dug around 3 times (I have the bruises and marks on my arm to prove it) before getting it in. Another woman came in with a portable X-ray machine and did an x-ray. Then, a few minutes later the doctor came in and told me that the EKG was good and the x-ray was fine.
They had me take an aspirin and then they were going to put a shot of Morphine in my IV line. I refused. I asked the doctor why I was being given morphine. He said for the pain and also because if I was having a heart attack it would help. I asked the doctor why I had to take it if the EKG was fine. He started to say something about me having an anxiety attack. Seriously? I was asleep when the pain started....I wasn't having any anxiety! So, he continued to want me to take something. I asked for something that wasn't going to knock me out because as soon as I get pain drugs or any strong drug I'm out. I hate it. So, he gave me something else and within 3 minutes Kevan had 3 heads, the curtains were coming alive and I couldn't keep my eyes open. I told you so! The rest of the visit is a blur. They asked for a urine sample.....AFTER giving me drugs that make it so I can hardly walk.....so Kevan had to help me. Kevan instructed me not to miss the cup because they really needed urine in it. Because I want to make sure I didn't "miss" I handed it back to him FILLED to the rim. "I didn't miss honey!" LOL!!! I was pretty proud of myself. Now, remember, I'm on drugs. lol! I don't think Kevan thought it was funny....but I did.
Once I got back to the bed I must have fallen asleep for awhile. I remember some talk about doing a culture because my WBC counts were way too high. We explained to the doctor again that I was given a shot to pump them up, but he didn't believe me until after the next nurse tried to stick another hole in my arm to retrieve blood. OUCH. They came back to discharge me a little while later. Kevan was helping me get dressed and I started having the bad chest pain again. I screamed that I was going to throw up. He didn't believe me because I have a tendency to say this a lot (LOL) and not actually do it. But, I looked at him and said "seriously!". He ran for something and got back without a second to spare. My precious husband held the bucket for me while I threw up over and over. I think he will believe me now. lol! Once this happened....I don't remember anything. I don't know how I got to the car, home or changed into my pajamas for bed. I know my hubby did it all and I am grateful for him. I love you Babe. I hated that I messed up our night and that Kevan didn't get a good night's sleep. But, I am glad that if this happens again I know why and I know I'm ok. It is just my sternum screaming. It is "normal".
Have I mentioned how much I hate hospitals. Please....no more hospitals! No more needles. Tomorrow I have an appointment with the plastic surgeon for a fill....they use little needles and it doesn't hurt. I'm excited about going. I haven't had a fill since before my 1st chemo treatment and she is going to show us some computer generated "after" pictures. We finally get to choose the size.
Anyway, I said all that to show how great I felt yesterday. I had no chemo brain fog, I didn't feel weak and I hadn't had any bone pain for quite awhile. Then, on our way home from the Mexican restaurant I started having pain down my life arm. I tried to blow it off and blame it on the scar banding in my arm. When I laid down to go to bed I could not get comfortable enough to where my arm didn't hurt, but I eventually fell asleep. At about 12:45am I woke up from a bad dream. I was dreaming I had pneumonia and the doctor's wanted to do surgery on my lungs! I realized I really was having pain across my chest. Pretty bad pain. I decided to get up and see about a pain killer. By the time I got into the bathroom it was so bad I was clenching my chest and praying I wasn't having a heart attack. It came in waves about every 10 minutes.
Since the beginning of this journey I have had nights where I have to get up from pain, sleeplessness or whatever and I never wake up Kevan. There isn't anything he can do for me so I just let him sleep. Well, last night....I woke him up. I was scared. We decided to call the on-call doctor at my oncologist office to find out if this is normal or a side effect from something. The answering service said we should receive a call back in 30 minutes. We never received one. So, we left and went to the hospital. It was VERY hard for me to make this decision because I really hate being at the hospital...but I really thought it might be a heart attack...it hurt so bad. In the end, it was determined my heart was just fine. They discharged me after that finding, but did not give me any diagnosis for my pain. Great. I called my oncologist this morning and was informed that this was also a side effect from the Neulasta shot and it was shoulder and sternum bone pain. So, if it happens again....I'll know the wave of excruciating pain across my chest is ok. It's normal after the Neulasta shot. Can't wait for the next one. Grrr!!
If you want to read about my ER Visit you can keep reading. Otherwise, know that I'm fine now. The pain has subsided and I am praying I won't ever experience it again. Oh the fun adventures of a cancer patient!
ER VISIT:
When we arrived, I walked to the counter and told the receptionist that I was having left arm and chest pain. She asked me for my SS#, name and birth date. Made a phone call about chest pain and in 1 minute I was in a room changing into a gown. I couldn't believe how fast. We were just driving down the road and the billboard for the hospital said 41 minute wait. We get there and it was 1 minute. Once in my gown two male nurses came in and hooked me up to the EKG machine and tested my vitals. Then, the IV nurse came in. Oh no! I told her I didn't want one. She told me I had to have one. I was thinking, "Why did I come here????? I don't want an IV". Just so you know...I have never minded having blood taken or having IV's. But, for some reason it is really painful for me now. I don't know if it is the chemo or what, but I hate it now. I let her give me one, but she dug around 3 times (I have the bruises and marks on my arm to prove it) before getting it in. Another woman came in with a portable X-ray machine and did an x-ray. Then, a few minutes later the doctor came in and told me that the EKG was good and the x-ray was fine.
They had me take an aspirin and then they were going to put a shot of Morphine in my IV line. I refused. I asked the doctor why I was being given morphine. He said for the pain and also because if I was having a heart attack it would help. I asked the doctor why I had to take it if the EKG was fine. He started to say something about me having an anxiety attack. Seriously? I was asleep when the pain started....I wasn't having any anxiety! So, he continued to want me to take something. I asked for something that wasn't going to knock me out because as soon as I get pain drugs or any strong drug I'm out. I hate it. So, he gave me something else and within 3 minutes Kevan had 3 heads, the curtains were coming alive and I couldn't keep my eyes open. I told you so! The rest of the visit is a blur. They asked for a urine sample.....AFTER giving me drugs that make it so I can hardly walk.....so Kevan had to help me. Kevan instructed me not to miss the cup because they really needed urine in it. Because I want to make sure I didn't "miss" I handed it back to him FILLED to the rim. "I didn't miss honey!" LOL!!! I was pretty proud of myself. Now, remember, I'm on drugs. lol! I don't think Kevan thought it was funny....but I did.
Once I got back to the bed I must have fallen asleep for awhile. I remember some talk about doing a culture because my WBC counts were way too high. We explained to the doctor again that I was given a shot to pump them up, but he didn't believe me until after the next nurse tried to stick another hole in my arm to retrieve blood. OUCH. They came back to discharge me a little while later. Kevan was helping me get dressed and I started having the bad chest pain again. I screamed that I was going to throw up. He didn't believe me because I have a tendency to say this a lot (LOL) and not actually do it. But, I looked at him and said "seriously!". He ran for something and got back without a second to spare. My precious husband held the bucket for me while I threw up over and over. I think he will believe me now. lol! Once this happened....I don't remember anything. I don't know how I got to the car, home or changed into my pajamas for bed. I know my hubby did it all and I am grateful for him. I love you Babe. I hated that I messed up our night and that Kevan didn't get a good night's sleep. But, I am glad that if this happens again I know why and I know I'm ok. It is just my sternum screaming. It is "normal".
Have I mentioned how much I hate hospitals. Please....no more hospitals! No more needles. Tomorrow I have an appointment with the plastic surgeon for a fill....they use little needles and it doesn't hurt. I'm excited about going. I haven't had a fill since before my 1st chemo treatment and she is going to show us some computer generated "after" pictures. We finally get to choose the size.
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
I AM a cancer patient....
I was hoping my next post would be cheery, but as this is a blog about the truth of what is going on with me and I can't lie and say my days have been that great. So, just a warning if you are having a bad day and don't want to read about someone else's bad day/night too....you will probably want to skip this one.
I asked Kevan to take me to the grocery store last night so I could buy some foods I was craving (dill pickles and eggs benedict...I know...weird huh?). I still do not feel comfortable driving because my mind is so numb and I'm so weak. I felt okay when we left, but by the time we walked through the grocery store I barely had the energy to make it to the car. I made it to the car and just cried. I cannot believe how weak I am. It makes me sad. A few months ago I was helping Kevan chop/carry wood and now I can barely make it through a short trip to the grocery store. Also, my wigs hurt my bald head so I just wore a head covering to the store and people were looking at me and watching out for me to let me go first. It felt odd. I asked Kevan if he could tell I was bald and he said, "Yes....I don't know how to say this nicely, but you do look like a cancer patient." I guess I didn't realize it until last night. I look and feel like a cancer patient now. It is sad. I was hoping to be a "good" and "positive" cancer patient and not feel like one. It didn't happen. I AM one and this is what it is like.
Kevan almost had to help me to bed last night I was so weak. I did make it myself, but I could tell something was wrong. I was scared that I was going to wake up with a bad fever and have to call the on-call doctor. Now, I wish that was the case. I slept on and off for about 3 hours and woke up in excruciating pain. Have you ever wondered what it is like for your body to make White Blood Cells? Don't. It is horrible. Apparently, I'm finally feeling the effects of the Neulasta shot I had on 7/18. I was told this shot could cause bone pain and flu like symptoms. Why does my body think that if it is listed as a side effect it MUST have it? This shot is VERY expensive and is supposed to help my body to produce WBC's so I won't end up in the hospital again. Well, at this point. I'm thinking 4 days in the hospital was a breeze. My pelvic bone and back bone are in terrible pain. I thought, "Well, I'll just get up, make myself some tea and relax in a bath until the pain goes away." Um....ya....nice thought. I got into the bath and I couldn't even sit back it was so painful. I just sat there moaning. [It really is amazing how much noise I can make and my sleeping husband doesn't wake up. lol! Good thing no one is breaking in.] I don't want to minimize labor, but I'm pretty sure this is as bad as giving birth. I was told not to take Aleve because it can hide a fever, but at this point I knew Tylenol was not going to help me. I took an Aleve an hour ago. It has not kicked in. I cannot lay on the couch as the pain is worse so I'm sort of sitting here. Sitting is still pretty painful. I went online and it said this pain will last about 48 hours. Right now....I can't imagine it. I don't want to be a baby, but really.....I can't imagine it. I'm tearing up just thinking about it.
Going through this journey has really opened my eyes to what others go through. As far as those with chronic pain, intestinal issues, etc. I have so much more compassion for them. I cannot imagine being in this much pain for days at a time. I hate taking medication and tonight I find myself wanting to drive up to the hospital and beg for a shot of pain killers. I have a friend right now who's husband is having really bad back pain. It is so bad they had to take him to a specialist via an ambulance. I'm thankful my pain is not this bad and I pray that he is healed soon. I cannot imagine. I hate it for him.
Also, I've had several FB friends have loved ones pass away this week and of course the Colorado shootings happened. I feel so guilty even writing a post about my pain when there is so much pain in others lives as well. I know my pain is nothing compared to theirs. But, this is a cancer journey blog and I need to be honest. I am feeling sorry for myself tonight. I am petitioning God to help me. To heal me and take this pain away. Haven't I been through enough yet?
"Have mercy on me, Lord, for I am faint; heal me, Lord, for my bones are in agony". Psalm 6:2
This verse is for me. I am in agony. No sleep will be coming anytime soon. I swear....the treatment is going to kill me.
I asked Kevan to take me to the grocery store last night so I could buy some foods I was craving (dill pickles and eggs benedict...I know...weird huh?). I still do not feel comfortable driving because my mind is so numb and I'm so weak. I felt okay when we left, but by the time we walked through the grocery store I barely had the energy to make it to the car. I made it to the car and just cried. I cannot believe how weak I am. It makes me sad. A few months ago I was helping Kevan chop/carry wood and now I can barely make it through a short trip to the grocery store. Also, my wigs hurt my bald head so I just wore a head covering to the store and people were looking at me and watching out for me to let me go first. It felt odd. I asked Kevan if he could tell I was bald and he said, "Yes....I don't know how to say this nicely, but you do look like a cancer patient." I guess I didn't realize it until last night. I look and feel like a cancer patient now. It is sad. I was hoping to be a "good" and "positive" cancer patient and not feel like one. It didn't happen. I AM one and this is what it is like.
Kevan almost had to help me to bed last night I was so weak. I did make it myself, but I could tell something was wrong. I was scared that I was going to wake up with a bad fever and have to call the on-call doctor. Now, I wish that was the case. I slept on and off for about 3 hours and woke up in excruciating pain. Have you ever wondered what it is like for your body to make White Blood Cells? Don't. It is horrible. Apparently, I'm finally feeling the effects of the Neulasta shot I had on 7/18. I was told this shot could cause bone pain and flu like symptoms. Why does my body think that if it is listed as a side effect it MUST have it? This shot is VERY expensive and is supposed to help my body to produce WBC's so I won't end up in the hospital again. Well, at this point. I'm thinking 4 days in the hospital was a breeze. My pelvic bone and back bone are in terrible pain. I thought, "Well, I'll just get up, make myself some tea and relax in a bath until the pain goes away." Um....ya....nice thought. I got into the bath and I couldn't even sit back it was so painful. I just sat there moaning. [It really is amazing how much noise I can make and my sleeping husband doesn't wake up. lol! Good thing no one is breaking in.] I don't want to minimize labor, but I'm pretty sure this is as bad as giving birth. I was told not to take Aleve because it can hide a fever, but at this point I knew Tylenol was not going to help me. I took an Aleve an hour ago. It has not kicked in. I cannot lay on the couch as the pain is worse so I'm sort of sitting here. Sitting is still pretty painful. I went online and it said this pain will last about 48 hours. Right now....I can't imagine it. I don't want to be a baby, but really.....I can't imagine it. I'm tearing up just thinking about it.
Going through this journey has really opened my eyes to what others go through. As far as those with chronic pain, intestinal issues, etc. I have so much more compassion for them. I cannot imagine being in this much pain for days at a time. I hate taking medication and tonight I find myself wanting to drive up to the hospital and beg for a shot of pain killers. I have a friend right now who's husband is having really bad back pain. It is so bad they had to take him to a specialist via an ambulance. I'm thankful my pain is not this bad and I pray that he is healed soon. I cannot imagine. I hate it for him.
Also, I've had several FB friends have loved ones pass away this week and of course the Colorado shootings happened. I feel so guilty even writing a post about my pain when there is so much pain in others lives as well. I know my pain is nothing compared to theirs. But, this is a cancer journey blog and I need to be honest. I am feeling sorry for myself tonight. I am petitioning God to help me. To heal me and take this pain away. Haven't I been through enough yet?
"Have mercy on me, Lord, for I am faint; heal me, Lord, for my bones are in agony". Psalm 6:2
This verse is for me. I am in agony. No sleep will be coming anytime soon. I swear....the treatment is going to kill me.
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