6 Month's Post Chemo

I finally found a little time to sit down and type up a post.  It has been quite awhile since I've posted.  I am a little over 6 months post-chemo.  Can you believe it has already been over 6 months??  Wow.  August 28th was my last day of chemo and time has flown by!  I am 3 months post-reconstruction and I'm less than a month away from my 1-year anniversary of my breast cancer diagnosis.  God willing I will be writing about my 1-year anniversary in a few weeks.  :)  I am so thankful that my Lord healed me and that I am doing so well.  God is good!

I'm so happy to be this far out from chemo.  At night, when I flip over to my stomach to go to sleep I still get teary-eyed thinking back to all of those MONTHS where I couldn't sleep on my stomach and how much I struggled with being comfortable.  I tear up because I'm so thankful that I can do it now.  Such a small thing...but it is a huge blessing.  I love that I'm feeling so much better (although I did have a cold all week).  I even met a woman today that had breast cancer last year too and finished chemo around the same time I did.  She had Stage 4, but she is doing really well now and I thought she looked great.  She is about 20 years older than I am.  Her hair is actually a little shorter than mine even though she finished chemo a month before me.  But, hers was STRAIGHT......mine isn't.  I won't go into the hair thing again.....that is why I've tried to stay off my blog lately.  lol!  I have been doing a lot of praying about it.  Anyway.....I need to change the subject.

Today was a beautiful day here in Tennessee.  Kevan and I went for a long walk.  We saw a few Guineas on our walk, followed by a bunch of wild turkeys and then watched a few baby calves playing in a field.  We've never seen wild turkeys run like we did today.  It was so funny.  Normally, we just see them rutting around or looking for food, but they crossed a field so fast it was like they were in a race.   I love our walks.  It doesn't get much better than this.  I love living in the country. 

Here is a picture of the guineas and one of the neighbors kittens.  Aren't guineas so funny looking?  They always make me laugh.  Sorry it is a blurry picture, but they were moving out of our way pretty fast.

I received my first $100 check for being a part of the 410 (Gummy Bear) Breast Implant clinical study.  I wasn't sure how it was going to work.  I thought maybe I had to come into the office, but I didn't.  I just got the check in the mail a few days ago.  :)  Yay me!  I asked Kevan if I could spend on something fun or if I had to save it.  We agreed that I can use the money for something fun.  So, I'm excited.

I wanted to post a hair picture so I can remember what my hair looked like 6 months post chemo.  Here is a picture of Kevan and I from last night.  My hair is finally longer than my husband's hair! 

Here is the back of my head.  Haha!!  Can you believe how curly my hair is?  I don't know who this woman is that I see in the mirror!

I was looking through my March pictures and this one came up.  It is from March 2012.  It is my father-in-laws horse.  It was so cute I had to post it.  It doesn't have anything to do with my day....or breast cancer......it was just cute.  I love animals.  Thank you Lord for your creation.

Night all! 

Get Over It!

I had my 2 month check-up at the plastic surgeon on Friday.  Seems like it has been longer than 2 months since I had my reconstruction surgery on 12/5.  I'm doing so well!  My absolute favorite result (well, other than the obvious.  HaHa!) is that I CAN SLEEP ON MY STOMACH!  Every night when I flip over to go to sleep I get little tears in my eyes because it is such a wonderful blessing and it makes me emotional still to think about how much God has blessed me in my recovery.  I have missed sleeping comfortably.  It feels so good.  Also, I'm able to cuddle with my hubby again (I know, TMI!).  Anyway, back to the doctor.  lol!  He looked at everything and felt around (yes, this makes Kevan very uncomfortable to see another man touching his wife)...then he said, "looks great, my best work ever!  I'll see you in 4 months."  That's it.  I'm so thankful that it has gone so well.

While I was there I met a woman that also went through chemo/cancer.  We talked a little while in the waiting room about our hair troubles.  It was a blessing to talk to her and to know that she is feeling the same way I am.  She also had blonde hair before and now hers is coming back brown (and gray) as well.

As most of you know that are close to me, I am still having some sadness getting used to my hair.  I know.  I know....I should be happy it is growing back.  I actually do get compliments on it regularly...which I didn't even get when I had my normal hair.  I do think it looks okay.  I just don't feel like me.  I don't feel like Kev's cute wife anymore.  I feel a little stuck in the 80's.  After MANY MANY years of looking in the mirror at a woman who has long blonde hair....I still picture that in my head.  So, when I look in the mirror I am still shocked when I see a woman with short brown CURLY hair.  Kevan and I met my mother-in-law at the store today in Nashville.  Well, I told her I would meet her at the entrance.  She walked in and kept looking right past me.  I think she did it 3 times.  Then, she realized the tall brown haired girl was me.  I said, "Were you looking for a long haired blonde Jayde?" and she said "Yes."  lol!  So, I'm not the only one that still forgets.

Anyway, while at that same store I saw a very pretty woman walk by me that was bald.  She was with her husband.  I went up to her and asked her if she was on chemo.  Again, I love talking to other women that have been through what I have so I wanted to chat with her.  Except that, the next thing she said was, "No, I have not gone through chemo.  I get approached by people like you all the time.  I was born this way and I cannot grow hair."  She had no hair on her head, no eyebrows and no eyelashes.  She was so abrupt that I stepped back a little.  Then, instantly felt awful for her.  I told her I was sorry and that I totally understood why she went around without a wig, because they are so uncomfortable.  She didn't say anything.  I wish I would've told her my first impression, but I am not a fast thinker.  I first thought how beautiful she was and how I couldn't believe someone on chemo would look so good.  Because, while I was going through it I certainly didn't want to go out shopping or put makeup on.  But, she looked great.  I guess that should've been my first inclination that she wasn't going through chemo.  :o(  Oh well...I put my foot in my mouth.  I just said, "God bless you" and walked away.  I did pray for her on the way home tonight.  Here I am worried because my hair is growing back "different' and she has NEVER had hair.  I think God was showing me that I should be thankful and happy....instead of sad about it....because there are woman out there that don't have any.  Mine is just a phase....hers is a lifetime.  I am very sorry.  I need to GET OVER IT.  I need to continue to pray about it.  I am very thankful for the hair I have...I'm just being impatient...and I need to pray for contentment.  Here is a picture of us this past weekend while attending our church's valentine's banquet.  We had a blast.  We laughed so much our faces were hurting from smiling so much.

It has been a few weeks since I've updated my blog. I haven't had time.  I am tired.  Very tired.  I wish I could sleep for a whole day.  Kevan and I have been really busy.  I've been teaching on Wednesday nights and it requires me to study about an hour each day to get ready for my lesson.  Also, work has been REALLY busy.  I love my job though...so its okay.  I just wish I had a few more work hours in a day so I could get more done.  Yesterday, I spent the day with a very sweet almost-6-year-old.  I had a lot of fun making cupcakes, doing a few crafts, going to see some farm animals, eating Mexican (her favorite) and watching a movie.  She wore me out.  lol!  I don't know how parents do it.  I was exhausted by 6pm. 

Well....speaking of exhaustion....I'm going to go to bed.  Night! Night!

Encouragement and Unspeakable Joy!

What a difference a week makes!  Or 8 months.  I am a week and 2 days out from my final reconstruction surgery.  The swelling is gone, the pain is getting better, the stitches have been removed and things are looking good.  I wanted to write a post to encourage those women that have to go through the same procedures.  The journey is hard, painful, stressful, discouraging, sad.....but in the end....it is worth it.  I have talked on this blog many times about the pain and internal turmoil I experienced the first time I saw myself after my double mastectomy and how it took weeks...maybe even months for me to look at myself without crying.  Sometimes crying the whole remainder of the day.  It was hard to experience and hard to believe that I would ever look normal again.  God was with me though and I prayed and prayed that the doctors and my husband would be right.  That I would be able to look at myself and be okay with it.  That God would answer my prayer and I would look normal again.  I know a lot of you prayed as well.

I am here as a witness now to say, "I look pretty darn good!".  God answered those prayers!  In some ways, I look better than I did before I had breast cancer.  I am very happy with the results.  The surgeon was able to use new technologies to do so much...it is pretty unbelievable.  I still have a lot of healing left, but things should improve week by week.  My scars will eventually fade and as far as I can tell....no one would ever know I have breast implants under this skin.  The implants we chose look so natural.  I didn't want to look fake and I don't.  Praise God!  The tissue expanders felt like rocks....the implants feel so much better.  They took the sutures/stitches out yesterday so those areas still need healing and I still have dissolving stitches all along the bottom of my breasts, but I have joy today.  I can see now what the doctor and my husband kept telling me in the beginning.  I would look normal again and I would be happy with it.  I am.  I am grateful to God for blessing me so much.  I am so so so grateful that my husband is excited and very happy as well at how things are looking.  lol!  As a married woman, this means more to me than my own acceptance of myself. <tears are falling from my eyes now.  Tears of joy.> But, to have both (mine and my husband's joy in it) and not having to feel like I "look as good as can be expected after breast cancer".....but I "look good" and believe I will look great in weeks to come is huge to me....this is HUGE to me.  God's grace.  God's love for me.  It overwhelms me.

How I look shouldn't matter.  I know this.  Who really sees me anyway besides myself and my husband?  But, it matters.  It matters that I feel beautiful for my husband.  It would matter even if I was a single woman.  It matters that underneath it all I'm not left with the memory of the horror of it every time I see myself without clothes, but instead the beauty of what God has done for me.  He brought me through a very hard time and left me better than I was before.  Not just on the outside, but also on the inside.  Only my Lord can do something this powerful.   Oh, how I love Him.  I know it mattered to my Father because it mattered to me.  He doesn't do things small.....He delivers BIG.  He is the Creator of the world....why couldn't He make me look great again?  Of course He can!  He made man from the dust of the earth....He spoke the world into being.  He healed me from cancer, He walked with me through it all, He gave me strength to endure it and HE gives me this joy today.  I am so thankful and blessed.

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." - Romans 15:13

This song....is so fitting for my heart today and for the season - UNSPEAKABLE JOY!

Final reconstruction - post op Day 5 & 6

The last two days have been better days.  I was pretty sad on days 3 and 4 wondering how I was going to make it through this recovery because the pain was so bad, but I'm doing better now.  I'm grateful for Kevan and Judy (my mother-in-law).  Judy let us stay with her in Nashville the first 2 days and then she came and stayed with us the next 2 days.  She just went home yesterday.  I don't know what I would've done without them.  They made sure I was given my pain meds every 4 hours.  Judy set an alarm at night and got out of bed just to make sure I was getting what I need.  She also had to help me up so I could go to the bathroom.  I am so grateful.  Thank you Judy.  Also, thank you for all you did with cleaning my house, doing laundry and everything else you did for us.

I didn't post earlier because I hate typing on my phone and my laptop is just too heavy for me to lift so I have to wait for Kevan.  Kevan helped me get it all hooked up tonight.

The first day home I was able to lift myself, but it has been too hard ever since.  Not sure if the anesthesia had not worn off yet or if I'm just so sore now that I can't make myself do it.  I'm not allowed to use my arms to help myself up so it is really hard when you are so sore to lift yourself if you can't use your arms.  Kevan has helped me take a few showers.  It went well and felt good.  Much easier than after the mastectomy. I was able to stand the whole time and I hung my drains on a hanger that hung on the curtain rod. I am not allowed to let the water hit my chest directly so I have to stand with my back to the water and let it drip toward the front.  It still feels good.  Also, it was several weeks before I could wash my own hair after the mastectomy (I think) because I couldn't lift my arms that high.  But, I washed my own hair with no problems or pain. I'm not allowed to scrub because there are steri-strips or adhesive strips over my sutures.  So, I just kind of squeeze the soapy water over me and then let the clean water go over that.

After I get out of the shower I have a lot of pain in the top of my breasts (where the sutures are through the muscle).  I'm pretty sure it is muscle pain so I take a Valium and it really helps with the muscle spasms.  Kevan took some pictures of me today just so we can see the progress and I look like I've been in a terrible accident or was beat up pretty bad.  lol!  I can't wait until a couple weeks from now so I can see what it will look like without all the bruising and sutures sticking out.  Also, my stomach is VERY swollen still.  I had some liposuction for the fat grafting and it looks bigger than it was before surgery.

My bruising from the liposuction (for fat grafting) seems to be getting better.  It still REALLY hurts on my hips though.   Most of my pain is from the sutures at the top of the breasts and the where the drains come out.  It is very red and sore where the drains are.  I can't wait to have them removed on Thursday.  Praying that I won't have much fluid draining the next two days so I can have them removed.

I've been trying to do my exercises between 3 and 5 times per day.  I'm doing a lot better than I was last time.  I'm hoping that I won't have any scar banding this time and won't require physical therapy.  I'm tiring of the wraps over my stomach and breasts.  I cannot wait until I only have to wear them at night, but it won't be until the 3rd week (I think).  I was going to post some pictures of my bruising and sutures, but I am just not that brave.  After I looked at them they just looked so bad I didn't want to subject you guys to it.  lol!  Plus, it might scare those that have to go through this themselves.

Thank you everyone for your prayers and big thank you to my church for setting up meals for us.  It lets Kevan stay home with me and not have to leave to figure out meals.  I'm trying to wean off my pain meds so I can start reading my bible again.  I can't read when on them since everything is doubled or jumbled together.  Hopefully, tomorrow will be an even better day.  Love you all!  God is good!

Post-op picture

Here is a picture of Jayde's wraps and drains.  As you can see she is pretty swollen.  She's been complaining about pain in her right heel.  She woke up with a blister and we are not sure how that happened during surgery.

The black near her shoulder is one of the sutures.  She has 3 on each side.  The lanyard around her neck is for her drains.  Pray she is able to do her exercises well.  She is having a hard time since it is so painful.

Pre-Op Appointments

I had all of my pre-operation appointments yesterday.  This will probably be a boring post, but I just want to remember it later...so this is for my documentation mostly.  

I thought I would just walk into the doctor's office and pay my portion of the surgery and that would be it, but it wasn't.  Since I will be a part of a clinical trial (since the implants they will be using are not approved by the FDA) I had to fill out TONS of papers and sign & initial a lot of pages.  Also, they ask that I come back a bunch of times for follow-up visits and to fill out questions again regarding the clinical trial.  Good part is that I get paid $50-$100 each time I come in and do their surveys.  :-)

I guess I'm part of the "satisfaction and psychological" portion of the clinical trial and not the "health" portion.  It sounded like there were different groups.  I had to answer 11 PAGES of questions about how I feel about myself, my body and my breasts.  lol!  A lot of them were pretty funny.  I had to choose a number between 1 and 5 stating how I felt about my eyes, nose, hips, butt, feet, etc....#1 being I dislike them and 5 being I'm very happy with them.  lol!  I also had to indicate whether I was a depressed or happy person about 40 times, but the sentences differed slightly.  Kevan thinks that it is for them to tell whether the new implants helped my self-image and made me less depressed.  Since I've had a double mastectomy....I'm guessing that is going to be a YES.  lol!  It also asked me if I considered myself to be a healthy person.  Well....I just had cancer...so....not so much.

After all of the paperwork Miss L (my favorite nurse there) took my temperature and blood pressure.  Of course, I can't have a blood pressure cuff on my arm anymore (due to my bilateral lymph node biopsy) so they had to take it from my leg.  It is pretty annoying.  Then, Miss L walked us through how to take care of my drains (again) and what to expect.  Ugh.  I hate drains!  Also, I will have to do my exercises again (hopefully, I will remember better than last time) and I will have lifting restrictions as well.  They want me to be able to lift my arms that day.  Thinking about it hurts.  Then, I got to pay a huge payment for my surgery since the doctor is out of network.  :-(  Not so fun.  I'm glad we had the money in savings, but we were hoping to not have to pay so much since Kevan still doesn't have a job.  Oh well.  God knows and he will provide what we need.  Luckily, the hospital is in network so all of that stuff will be paid for...just the doctor is out of network.

After all of the stuff at the doctor's office we had to head to Centennial hospital and pre-register.  After registering we met with two nurses to go over surgery information.  They acted all excited for me.  lol!  They said they can't wait for my surgery and that they think I will look great when I leave.  They will be in the surgery...so that was a little odd since they are going to see me without my clothes on.  lol!  I know....they see it all the time.  They told me this surgery should not be as bad as the one in May.  I should be able to lift myself up...unlike last time...I couldn't do it for almost 3 weeks.  The downside is that I won't be able to unwrap my chest wrap for 2 days after.  So, not only am I gonna be stinky....I won't know what I look like either.  Bummer. 

Today I had to have an ultrasound of my ovaries.  I'm still having some major menopause symptoms so they wanted to check them out.  The doctor said everything looks good.  So, no worries there.  :-)

Plastic Surgeon Update

Kevan and I met with my plastic surgeon on Tuesday.  It was her first day back from maternity leave/bed rest.  So, it was the first time I have seen her since my surgery on 5/8.   I am happy to finally have my final reconstruction surgery date.  My surgery will be December 5th.  This surgery is for my "exchange" of tissue expanders (aka "rocks") to implants.  I am looking forward to my surgery, but at the same time I am dreading it a little.  I hate "going under" and I also hate waking up in pain.  I've been reading a lot online about the recovery and it sounds like the first 5 days are similar to the mastectomy surgery (can't sleep flat, can't get myself up by myself, pain meds around the clock, drains, etc).  But, after that most women are able to resume their normal schedule.  Except for lifting restrictions.  Of course, I will be posting about my experience so I can help other women know what they may experience if they have to go through it too.

Size
The PS looked at how well I'm doing and thought the tissue expanders looked great.  Her nurse, "L", really did a great job while she was out.  We finally talked about "size" and "implant type".  Kevan and I talked a little about what we were thinking size-wise.  Then, she talked to us about my frame-size and torso-size and what she recommended.  She said that if women small like me go too big the implant/breast will protrude out the side of the chest because my frame is so small.  She doesn't recommend going too big because I will hate doing anything (farm chores, sports, etc) where I use arm movement because my arm will constantly be running into my implant/breast on the side.  I totally trust her opinion.  We are going to go a little bigger than what I had before cancer, but not too big.  I have never wanted to look like Dolly or wanted my chest to be noticed when I walk into a room.  So, I think that will be just fine.  I just want to feel girlie.  She said that they will bring several implants into the surgery of different sizes.  They will fit them into my chest "pockets" that have been formed by the tissue expanders, raise me up (while I'm under anesthesia), check to see how they fit and choose the best size for my frame...while keeping in mind what Kevan and I would like me to end up with.  I think that is fair.

Implants
We talked over the good/bad about each implant (silicone, saline, silicone/gel) in regards to my body.  She really likes the plain round silicone implants because they are easy to place and if they end up turning it doesn't matter since they are round.  But, she feels this implant may "ripple" since I do not have much flesh left after the mastectomy and my skin is so thin.  If we did choose these they would try to fill as much of the area that may ripple with fat (from somewhere else on my body...think liposuction), but it may not hold (it can be rejected by the body).  So, it would require another surgery to try to inject the fat again.  Also, the plain silicone implant would sit up higher and be more round and more fake.  I want to look more natural and I don't want to have to have an additional surgery due to rippling.  So, we decided on the 410 "Gummy Bear" silicone implants.  She said if she was me this is what she would choose.  It is less likely to ripple, it's textured (to help it stay in place) and is shaped like a tear drop to look more natural.  Due to this my PS can't do my surgery because they are still in clinical trials.  Her partner will be doing my surgery.  I meet with him on 10/29.  Also, with 410 implants, because they are gel they cannot leak into the body.

Fat injection/Liposuction
Before the surgery my surgeon will ask me what areas of my body I'm unhappy with due to excess fat.  This, is just one of the blessings of the surgery.  lol!  Then, with a blue pen the surgeon will circle different areas that I choose so that during surgery he can remove fat from those areas (liposuction) to use in the breast reconstruction.  I have to say...I'm a little excited about getting my excess fat removed.  lol!  I know it won't all be removed, but hey....even a little is good...that is a few less crunches or lunges.  Right?  I also read that it is pretty painful so I'm not looking forward to that aspect of it. 

Reflection
When I think back to when I first saw myself after my bilateral mastectomy 5 months ago it is an awful memory.  I was flat chested and things turned black due to lack of blood flow.  Kevan was my cheerleader though and kept reassuring me that things were going to get better...that this wasn't the final result.  I think God gave Kevan some special grace because I don't know how he looked at me then and thought so positively.  Thank you Lord for him and for all your prayers during that time.  But, if you have to go through this...remember....there is hope!  Kevan was right....after each PS visit (and fill) I started to look more normal.  The bruising and black areas faded and now everything looks "normal".  I have to say that if I had to look the way I do today and couldn't have the surgery I would probably be pretty okay with the results.  I mean, I've had cancer.  I look pretty good and the technology they use today is pretty awesome.  I hate these tissue expanders, but they provided a huge purpose in how I look today and it was worth going through it.  If I had cancer 50 years ago I would look similar to that first day minus the bruising.  I wouldn't have been able to save my N's.  So, I am already blessed so much.  My PS told me that based on how I look today she thinks I will look really good when I come out of surgery.  The sunk-in places of flesh that are missing (where the oncological surgeon had to get clear margins) will be filled in my fat injection.  My scars will fade over time and hopefully it will be hard to tell what I've gone through.  God is so awesome.  He has walked with me through this whole journey and continues to bless me so much.

Fractured Rib
Funny/painful story.  I was laying in bed on Monday, 5 days ago ,and I decided to flip over on my side.  When, I did...I heard a POP.  Well, I think my tissue expander fractured my rib.  I have been in so much pain whenever I move or lift something.  I talked with the PS about it.  She thinks it might have been scar banding that popped and the nurse said it may have been a suture that tore where my expanders are sutured in.  In both cases it should've been better by today.  It's not.  Which leads me to think it is a fractured rib.  I've been taking Advil for the pain, but it doesn't help that much.  I wanted an x-ray, but the PS said there isn't anything they can do for a fractured rib anyway.  So, I will just have to wait it out.

Nails
I had mentioned in previous chemo updates that I was keeping my nails short so that I didn't lose any.  I had heard that a lot of women lose their nails or that they tore if they let them get long.  My nails made it through chemo great.  A couple weeks after the last chemo I let them start growing.  Then, about 1 weeks ago I woke up one morning and EVERY nail was ripped close to the skin.  So, please keep in mind if you go through chemo that it is still affecting my nails weeks after treatment.  I'm still having to keep them short.  The nail is just not strong enough yet.  So, I will be waiting another month or so before I try to grow them out again.  It would probably help to have polish on them...but I'm not crazy about nail polish.

Thanks again for reading my posts, for your prayers and thoughts.  I appreciate every one of you.  Even those I don't even know are reading my blog. 

All Filled up!

I had a plastic surgeon appointment earlier this week.  I was able to get my last fill of 50cc's.  Due to the size of my frame my doctor had to use a small tissue expander in each breast and they only hold 300cc.  So, I am now all "filled up".  Each tissue expander has 300cc's of saline.   This doesn't mean I can't go bigger if my hubby and I choose to, but for now, while I finish chemo there will be no more fills.  I guess they can add a little more to each expander, but my doctor will not be back from maternity leave until October so we are going to discuss it more then.  Also, the actual implant can be bigger than the size of the tissue expander.  It is pretty hard to decide what "size" I want to end up with.  Since tissue expanders have no give to them and they are so hard I cannot really try on swimsuits or similar attire and get an idea of what size I am now.  They just don't cooperate.  Also, I can't remember if I've mentioned this before, but when I had the mastectomy the surgeon needed to get clear margins so I have a lot of flesh removed above my breast, which will be added back using fat from my stomach (yay!).  But, since this flesh is missing there is no way to imagine what it will look like after my final surgery.

We also discussed the surgery time frame with them.  I would like to have my final surgery by the end of the year since I have met all of my insurance deductibles and if it is any later we will have to pay even more out-of-pocket.  They are going to work with us to schedule a December surgery date ahead of time.  Kevan has researched the different implant options and we are going to go with an implant that is still waiting to be approved by the FDA.  The implants are 410's or "gummy bear implants".  They look more natural.  I don't want to look like I have big implants in my chest.  They have been in clinical trials for 12 years (I think) and are VERY close to being approved this year, but might not be approved in time for my surgery.  Due to this, my plastic surgeon will not be able to do the final surgery.  Her partner, who is using them in a clinical trial will be, but he is only allowed to do so many per month.  So, I need to get on his schedule now.  At the end of this post I have added a few links regarding the type of implant we are wanting in case you are interested.  We still need to find out if I'm a candidate for them.  We are praying I am.  I've read a lot of the breast reconstruction forums regarding the 410's and a lot of women are happy with them and can even sleep on their stomach's once again!  I can't wait until that day!

While we were in their office they took a 4D picture of my chest.  It was pretty cool.  The software actually detected different "issues" that can be fixed during the final surgery.  We were able to see what I currently look like from all different angles and the software was able to be manipulated so that we could see what different implant types would look like and size.  Also, my rib cage is different on each side of my chest so we could see that one breast appears smaller than the other when we look from a certain angle even though they have the same amount of saline right now.  Since the surgeon can see this prior to surgery (using the software) he can fix this in surgery by adding a little more to the one breast than the other.  One thing that they have told us OVER AND OVER is that no women's breasts are the same on each side.  Even before my mastectomy they were not equal (they have pictures to prove it to me.  HaHa!)...so they will not be perfect afterwards, but they try their best to help them look as similar as possible.  I'm just happy that I can have reconstruction and that I can have somewhat normal breasts in the end.

I talked to them about my scars and how I can help them fade faster.  They recommend a 100% silicone product called, ScarAway.  It is sold at many local stores without a prescription.  This product can be used on any scar.  Whether it is a surgical scar (C-section, mastectomy, etc), burn, cut, etc.  I started using it yesterday.  I'll let you know how it works.

I have 2 more days until my next chemo treatment.  Ugh!  My parents are going to come down from Michigan to help this time so Kevan isn't having to help me all by himself.  I'm really looking forward to them coming.  It is always nice to have your mom with you when you are sick or need some extra love.   Also, wanted to mention that we were at Walmart Thursday night and I kept complaining about how bad my feet hurt.  I told Kev we needed to hurry because I didn't think I was going to be able to walk on them much longer.  I didn't know what was causing it.  Then, Kevan said he remembered that I had this problem after my 1st treatment.  I looked back in my journal and he is right.  There were a few days (starting at Day 15 both times) where I was begging him to give me foot massages.  He gives great foot massages.  So, apparently this is another chemo side effect.  But, it will subside I'm sure before my treatment in a few days.  Saturday night it was a lot better.

Gummy Bear Implant links:

http://www.drpfeifer.com/gummy-bear-implants-new-york-city.html

http://www.theplasticsurgerychannel.com/gummy-bear-implants-for-breast-reconstruction/

http://www.plasticsurgeryportal.com/articles/gummi-bear-breast-implants/113