In the following paragraph...I don't really want to be this honest, but I want to prepare other women that might go through this since I wasn't prepared for what I was going to see. So, I'm going to lay it all out for those women and hope that ya'll won't look at me funny when you see me in person. It is only temporary. God has the power to heal me and make me look pretty again. I am clinging to His miracles and hoping for one.
Some of you may already have read my Facebook yesterday about seeing myself for the first time once Kevan removed the bandages from my chest. It was VERY emotional. I saw a little at the hospital, but I didn't have a mirror so seeing it all was awful. I was going to show my mom, but decided I didn't want to subject her to the memory of it. It is that bad. I'm not even going to look again. I could hardly stop crying and even cried to the nurse that called from the Plastic Surgeon's office. I don't think they prepared me enough on how bad it was going to look as far as bruising, certain skin has turned black (due to lack of blood flow) and the tissue expanders are very easy to see at this point so my skin is lumpy. It is very unnatural looking. I immediately texted Kevan's cousin who has also went through this and she assured me that this is temporary and it will get better each time I see my surgeon and once I receive my implants (after chemo) it will look great. Thank you Alicia for being there for me yesterday. Each week I will see the plastic surgeon to have a "fill" of saline and it will start to look better, but at this point it is hard to imagine. Please pray that once this is over that I will be happy with the outcome. I feel so bad for Kevan. I wish I could hire a nurse to come and change my bandages just so he wouldn't have to see it.
UPDATE: Here is an update after my final reconstruction. I'm very happy with the results. You just have to have hope. Everything will work out. Pray and ask God for strength.
Ladies, be happy with what God has given you. I was perfect before but didn't appreciate it or realize it. You are beautiful and wonderfully made by God. Thank God for what you have and that you are cancer free.
I received a beautiful bouquet of flowers and balloons yesterday from Kevan and his mom. So sweet of them. Sorry for the cat tree behind them, but I can't lift them to move them to a prettier spot.
This is one of my bad days. Breast cancer sucks.