Chemo #3

First, I want to thank my mother-in-law, Judy, for taking her day off work and spending it with me during my 3rd chemo treatment on her BIRTHDAY.  I felt so bad, but I didn't want to be alone and Kevan had to work.  She was so gracious to come and sit in an uncomfortable chair all day.  I know that it brings back memories for her during her two breast cancer journey's...sitting in that same room...going through the same thing....but God was with her and brought her through it TWICE.  I'm so thankful he did so I would know this special woman.  I noticed a couple times that she had tears in her eyes for me and I'm sure it was because of the memories too.  Judy, I love you and I have been blessed by God to have such a wonderful mother-in-law.  I know this is a special blessing because not many can say this about their in-laws, but I was blessed with great ones that love the Lord as well.  Thank you so much for all you do for Kevan and I.

Chemo Day #3 Adventure (very long, but I don't want to forget the details):
Judy and I arrived at the Sarah Cannon Cancer Center at 10am.  I didn't get called for my blood work until about 10:30.  It was a pretty packed out place...which is sad since most of us were their for our chemo treatments.  I weighed even more this time when they weighed me...I hate it.  Next time they are probably going to have to use the 2nd big weight and that has never happened before.  :o(  Anyway, they took blood out of my finger for my blood counts to make sure I could have chemo.  Then, we met with my doctor and his nurse assistant about 15 minutes later.  He said my White Blood Cell counts were very high due to the Neulasta shot and commented that my bones were working overtime.  Mine were 44,000 and normal is 4,000 to 10,000.  (I'm sure it was everyone's prayers for me!  Thank you!)  So, because of the bone pain in my pelvis, hips, shoulder and sternum he is going to 1/2 the dosage this time (Praise the Lord!!!).  This was happy news to me.  The chemo nurse told me that they half the dosage in about 1/4 of their patients because their body reacts very well to the Neulasta shot and because those patients usually experience a lot of bone pain.  I'm always such a special patient.  lol!  My doctor even commented yesterday that my body is VERY sensitive to the chemo, the drugs they give me and the shot.  He also commented that I needed to start exercising on my good days since my weight is up.  I guess I'll start using the treadmill that just sits in our living room instead of just hanging my purse on it.  lol!

After we met with the doctor I go to the chemo room and find a chair I like.  They are all recliners which makes it really nice.  Although, Judy (or Kevan) have to sit in a normal chair and I'm sure it isn't comfy.   I arrived in the chemo room about 11am.  Once there, the drugs get ordered.  I get 4 total (steroid, anti-nausea, cytoxan and taxotere - in that order).  The steroid and anti-nausea meds take a little over an hour to drip.  Then, the cytoxan was about 30 minutes and the Taxotere about 1 hour.  So, a little over 2 hours for all.  So, I want to get started as soon as possible.

Before I start the next section...if you have cancer and will be having chemo....get a PORT.  I wanted one, but my doctor didn't want to put me through another surgery and he thought my veins would be just fine.  We didn't realize at the time that I would be in the hospital twice so far and my veins would not cooperate at all.  So, my advice to you...to make your life so much easier...is to GET A PORT!  I should've demanded it.

I took a quick pic of myself in the chemo room (again, we aren't supposed to so I look funny in it since I didn't want to get caught smiling at my camera.  lol).

First thing they have to do is my IV.  One thing I am very tired of during this journey is the needle pricks.  I already have scar tissue in 2 of my veins from the chemo and she told me that they can no longer use those veins for IV's.  I want to say that I know that the following is in NO WAY the nurses fault.  My veins were not co-operating on my left arm yesterday.  I wanted to use my left arm only since my right arm is already showing lymphedema signs and the specialist told me not to use the right arm.  So, please...no comments about the nurses.  They are a blessing to me and I was praying the whole time for them and me.  I believe that God wanted me to go through this for some reason because he wasn't answering my prayers.  So, this was just part of his plan for me.  Anyway, the first nurse tried to get a good vein.  She noticed right away this wasn't going to be easy so she got a hot pack to see if she warmed my arm if they would appear.  She had to prick me twice (about 20 minutes apart), but both times the veins wouldn't cooperate.  So, she turned it over to another nurse.  She tried once in another spot.  Didn't work.  Then, the chemo room was getting VERY busy so she asked another nurse to try.  She tried 2 times to no avail.  I was getting emotional because it is pretty painful to get pricked so many times and know that it was going to keep happening until it worked.  The tears started to fall which I think really bothered the nurse because she didn't want me hurting.  I tried to hide it, but I noticed everyone in the chemo room could tell I was crying.  Sometimes I hate being an emotional girl!  She suggested a little break.  At this time, they had been trying for about 1.5 hours so far.  They were really trying hard and not doing it too quickly so they wouldn't hurt me if they didn't have a really good vein option.  I started to drink more fluids to see if it would help.  Then, I told her to go ahead and use the right arm.  I've NEVER had a problem with the right arm.

They called my doctor over to make sure it was okay to use the right arm.  He measured a little with his fingers to see how much bigger the right was from the left.  I told him last time I knew it was 6%, but I had just been discharged from a 4 day hospital stay where they pumped me with fluids.  Also, the first time I had chemo they used the right arm.  So, he gave them permission to use the right and they all agreed that they might use the right for my last treatment as well.  The same nurse tried on the right arm on inside of the elbow because I didn't want it in my hand.  When I get it in my hand my arm tends to hurt/ache during the drip process because the veins are so tiny.  It didn't hurt during chemo #1 because they used a larger vein in the middle of my arm.  Anyway, the vein didn't cooperate.  She didn't want to try anymore (she had tried 3 times...we are at a total of 6).  So, they called in a woman from another area who ALWAYS gets a good vein.  :o)  While I was waiting for her to arrive I posted a prayer request on Facebook so my friends would pray for me...I was very emotional at this point).  She arrived a few minutes later, sat down, looked around, smacked my arm and chose on in my hand.  :o(  At this point, I was desperate...I didn't care where the vein was...I just wanted to get it over with.  She tried a vein in my hand and it WORKED finally!!!  They were able to take blood work for some additional tests, flush it and start my IV.  Praise the Lord!  Thank you all who prayed for me.  They tried a total of 7 times before it was successful (God's perfect #)....a total of 8 though it you count my finger prick for blood counts.  :o(

At 1:15pm they were finally starting my IV meds.  I was so happy to finally get it started.  I felt so bad that my mother-in-law was having to sit there and wait all this time.  I told her to go grab some lunch for herself.  So, she took a little break.  I was able to hand out one of my cards that has my logo, blog address, email and ministry information to one of the nurses.  I asked her to give it to a woman struggling with breast cancer.  If she contacts me I will try to provide her with support and pray with her.  She said she had a person in mind.  Which was great news to hear.  Here is a pic of my 'card'.  I want to use it to reach out to those woman that are having a hard time with their diagnosis so I can pray with them and try to provide them hope during their journey.  Also, ask if there is anything else I can do for them. (Kevan's cousin made me the logo based on what I wanted...he did an awesome job....also I blocked out my email from spammers)

I was also able to talk with an older woman next to me who had breast cancer and then 5 years later cancer re-appeared in one of her PET scans on her spine and liver.  She is currently doing a clinical trial.  There was a lot of commotion with her (due to vital checks, EKG breast, etc) so I wasn't able to get her name or give her my info, but I will definitely be praying for her...God knows her name.  She also complimented me on my hair and told me it was a very stylish haircut.  Then, I broke the news to her that it was a wig.  LOL!

A young boy (about 16 or 17) came up to me at the end of his father's chemo and told me that he hoped my next chemo would not be so bad and that they would find a vein quickly.  He said that he had been quietly praying for me and as he left he said "God Bless You".  What a blessing!  I told him God Bless you too as he was leaving the room.  Such a sweet boy!  I will be praying for them as well.  I'm hoping to see them again so I can talk to them some more during my next treatment.  There were a few other women in the back of the chemo room that also came up to me and told me they were sorry about my vein experience that day.  I didn't realize so many realized what was happening since the room is so busy, but I guess when you are sitting there bored for so many hours and something interesting is happening everyone notices.  lol!

I finished chemo at about 3:45pm.  So, we were at the Cancer Center for about 5.75 hours.  A long day.  It was great to get out of there, but I wanted to say that I know it is hard for those nurses that have to watch so many get chemo every day (the same ones and new ones as well) and to go through the hardship of people like me with bad veins who don't have ports.  They are all so sweet and I do appreciate them.

After chemo my MIL grabbed me some lunch (Lime Slush and breakfast burrito from Sonic.  Ha!).  Then, we drove back to my MIL's house and shortly after met up with some other family members for dinner.  I wanted my MIL to at least have a special dinner on her birthday.  So, we took her to the Old Spaghetti Factory in downtown Nashville.  I was already starting to feel the brain fog and I was a little off balance already which I was really sad about.  I wasn't able to eat much as I felt like I was gagging on my food.  It was strange.  After dinner we drove the 1.5 hour ride home.  I had the bright idea of starting my raisins and prunes ritual earlier than I normally do after chemo.  Usually I wait 4 days and my intestinal issues are already so bad that it takes several days of pain to get back to normal again.  So, we stopped and got some from a store and I ate about 2 Tablespoons of raisins and 1 prune (I didn't want to over do it...usually I eat 3 to 4).  Anyway, we went right to bed when we arrived home at 10:30pm.  I woke up at 2am from really weird dreams that I was about to get sick.  I laid there for about 15 minutes before I realized that there was no going back to sleep.  The intestinal issues were starting earlier this time (Day 2).  I was in a lot of pain.  My intestines were cramping and talking back to me.  lol!  So, I spent the next 3 hours in the bathroom.  Either on the toilet or laying in the floor.  I found if I walked back to the couch and got comfortable I had to run right back to the bathroom...so I just laid in the floor in there.  My kitty Stormie laid next to me like she knew Mama didn't feel good.  It was sweet.  I don't know if this episode was caused by the raisins/prunes or if it would've happened anyway since it always does at some point after chemo.  I'm just glad that about 5:30am I was feeling much better.  I made sure to drink some water since I really need to make sure I'm flushing out the chemo.  Then, I laid down and was able to sleep until a little after 6:30am.  So, I think I was able to sleep at least 5 hours.  Which is a huge blessing since after my first chemo I only slept 3 hours.  I didn't post the time for chemo #2, but I think it was 7 hours.

Today is a very special day.  August 8th!  My hubby's birthday.  My doctor calls him "Husband of the Year".  He really is.  I am so blessed that God brought us together almost 10 years ago.  He took the day off today so that we could do something for his birthday.  I love you sweetheart!  We have the day planned around my PT appointment and picking up a new license plate for the car.  My prayer for today is just that my side effects will stay away long enough for him to have a special birthday.  I'm already feeling weak and off balance so I'm trying to pray away those too. Here is a picture of us from the overlook where we got engaged.  This was our 1 year anniversary hike (I was so thin and had hair!).

Again, thank you all for your prayers and for your encouragement.  You all are a blessing as well.

The Countdown Begins...

So....the chemo is in my body.  The countdown to hair loss begins!  No turning back now.  I am conflicted on whether I'm going to use my hair dryer and straightener.  Everything I read says not to because the heat will make it fall out faster, but I hate my curly/wavy hair.  Maybe I'll just do it once a week on Sunday for church.  But, if I'm only going to have hair for 14 days...does it really matter if it is only for 7?  What do y'all think?

If some of the below is "wordy" it is because I want to remember it for later in case I need to refer back to it.

I arrived at the oncologist at 9:15am yesterday.  They took my blood work around 9:30am and she took it out of my left arm even though it ups the risk of lymphedema.  My surgeon and oncologist both think that since I only had a sentinel node biopsy and not an excision that it should be okay.  I'm praying it will be.  We waited about another hour just to see the oncologist.  While we were waiting in the patient room Kevan's cousin came by to see us and offer support.  It was very sweet.  The oncologist finally arrived.  We discussed getting a port and he doesn't think it is necessary.  He wanted me to try it without a port yesterday to see how bad I thought it was.  It wasn't bad at all.  I've met 2 people that told me their port was worse than their surgery and it was painful when they used it.  So, I'm leaning towards not getting one.  Also, the doctor had some good news.  He said, for now, I will only do 4 chemo treatments instead of 6!  Although, if it is going well with minimal side effects he wants me to continue to 6.  If I'm having a hard time then I can stop at 4.  Truthfully, I just like the idea of my hair growing back a little faster.  :o)

I brought up my oncotype score of 70 and I was so glad I did.  The oncologist explained that pre-menopausal women always have a higher score.  That is why so many of the numbers I was seeing online were so low because most women that have breast cancer are post-menopausal.   He said due to my age, menopause and the aggressiveness of the cancer that is why my score is so high.  He said it is actually a good thing because it means the chemo should work and get rid of any other cancer cells lingering in my body.  Praise God!

We waited around ANOTHER 30 minutes before a woman arrived to give us a little course in Chemo 101.  I was given a big binder to read, additional documentation and she was very helpful in circling the most critical items.  She answered any questions we had and was very sweet.  She's instructed me to rinse/gargle/spit a salt/baking soda/water mixture 4-5 times a day to prevent mouth sores.  Mouth sores is a side effect of one of the chemo drugs.  She discussed how I will probably GAIN WEIGHT  (UGH!!) because I am pre-menopausal and this will put me into menopause during treatment. So, I guess I will have to go clothes shopping.  :o(  The doctor and her both mentioned things that can help me from gaining weight.  I need to make sure I eat breakfast and exercise in the morning to rev up my metabolism early in the day, eat good throughout the day (whole foods, not sugary/fatty foods)  and not eat after 7 or 8 at night.  Since we live in Central time, but "live" on Eastern time (for work purposes) I am not sure which time zone to choose.  I guess Eastern.  She also discussed "chemo brain" with me and how I will start forgetting things and how to prevent it.  One of the items was to "work on one thing at a time".  That is going to be hard for me.  I'll have to take lots of notes.  Also, she said I can go to church even though I will be around so many, but I shouldn't hug or be around others that are sick.  If I see someone coughing or sick next to me I need to move, I need to use hand sanitizer all day long and I cannot be around kids if they appear sick.  Also, if anyone comes to visit me they will need to wash their hands as soon as they enter the house.

I didn't move to the chemo room until about 2pm EST.  I started to pray for strength.  The Lord was with me.  I was flooded with calmness the rest of the time.  I know there were many others praying for me too and I am so thankful.  I was very nervous in the morning, but throughout the day I was just relying on God and giving him my burden.  Here is a picture of me in the chemo room.  Kevan snuck and took the picture as it was against the rules.  So, shhhhhh!  Awful picture...I had just shoved a peanut butter cracker into my mouth.  lol!  Oh, did I mention free snacks and drinks.  :o)

They hooked up my IV into my right arm.  [Later my PT said this was a bad idea and that I need to use my left arm from now on since my right arm is my dominate arm.  So, if I'm going to develop lymphedema I want it in my left arm, not my right.]  First off, she pushed saline through my IV.  I'm one of the lucky ones that can taste it.  She said that was a good thing because it tells her she has a good vein.  Then, they gave me a steroid drug through the IV, followed by 2 anti-nausea drugs.  Then, they gave me Taxotere.  Some people have allergic reactions to it within the first 5 minutes.  I had no reactions (Praise God!).  It took about 45 minutes for that one to finish.  Then, they added the Cytoxan.  Almost toward the end of this one I started to develop a weird sensation in my nose, like I had went swimming and got water up my nose.  It was awful.  I had to keep laying my head back and holding my nose.  It remained the rest of the time.  The nurse said I was one of the lucky 1 in 10 to develop this and it will happen each time.  They don't know what causes it or why I am so special.  Oh yay!  Once chemo was done it last about another 20 minutes.  It wasn't a pretty bad side effect, just annoying.  So, the chemo is in my body, I'm drinking my water and trying to go to the "little girl's room" every 2 hours as directed.  Which, I don't have to set an alarm for.....I HAVE to go.  lol!  They sent me home with 2 anti-nausea drugs and a list of side effects that would be urgent if I experienced them and would need to call their office immediately (even at night or on the weekend).  They were like, fever over 100.5 F, vomiting/diarrhea over 24 hours, etc. 

After we left I had to stop by to see the Physical Therapist just to show her my scar banding so she could refer me to a PT closer to my house.  She found one, but she is on vacation so I won't start PT until 7/9.  :o(  They are going to do massaging and stretching to relieve the scar bands.  I am praying it works because it is pretty painful.

I didn't want yesterday to be a depressing day so we decided to go out to dinner before my nausea kicks in a few days from now and to see a movie if I was up to it.  My MIL was with us all day providing support and encouragement (wasting her whole day) so we took her out to PF Changs, one of her favorite places.  I didn't eat too much because I was scared to get sick, but it was all really good.  Afterwards, my MIL's cousin met us somewhere to take her home and we left to head home.  Then, we had to stop at a McDonald's and use their restroom.  I decided I wanted to go to the movie so we stopped on the way home to see "Brave".  We had 2 free movie tickets (and popcorn) from my oncological surgeon because we had to wait so long that day he wanted to do something nice for us. So, our movie trip was on him.  :o)  I did eat popcorn and it tasted pretty good!  I had to get up to go to the bathroom and as I started down the steps to the bathroom my legs were VERY weak.  I had to hold the handle.  I wasn't sure if I got up too fast or if things are starting to happen already.  I was pretty sad because everyone keeps telling me that the side effects won't appear for a few more days.  I need to work this week.  So, I'm praying they hold off until Friday night or altogether!  I had to use the restroom twice while we were at the theater.  lol!  I'd say I'm pretty hydrated.

On the way home Kevan stopped to get me my favorite smoothie from Panera (Mango Smoothie).  It didn't taste right.  Tasted like orange not mango.  He tasted it twice and said he tasted mango.  Weird!  It wasn't as good to me as they normally are, but I drank it all.  LOL!  We arrived home at 11:30 EST, I fell asleep around 12:30, slept until 2:30 (used the restroom and drank my water), didn't fall back to sleep.  Got back up at 4:30 to use the restroom/drink water.  Then, fell asleep about 5am and woke back up at 5:45 chilled.  When 6am rolled around I just got up.  So, I only slept about 3 hours last night.  I'm exhausted.  I'll have to take a nap today.

One of the best things that happened yesterday was that I made a Chemo Friend!!  She is 3 years younger than me, had pretty much the same surgery as me and same chemo regimen.  The only sad thing for me is...her last chemo was yesterday...but that is great for her!  I'm so happy she made it through.  She had a tough time and had to take off work.  I loved talking with her.  We exchanged information and I really hope we keep in touch.  :o)

Also, speaking of great things....I am so blessed to have medical insurance.  This is not a burden for us and I know it is for so many going through this.  We have had to pay out of pocket (about $4,000) so far, but God has provided what we have needed so far.  I am truly blessed to not have to worry about how we will pay for these bills.  Thank you Lord.  I love you and I know you are blessing me so much throughout this journey.

Other than the not sleeping well (probably from the steroid) I've only felt a little strange (off-balance/clumsy) a little.  If I sit up too fast I get very dizzy so I'm trying to train myself to move slower.  Also, my arms and legs are a little weak.  I think I'm going to visit the bathroom and then try to take a nap now before I start work for the day.

Thank you all for your prayers.  I surely felt them yesterday.

6 Weeks Post-Op

As of yesterday, I am 6 week's post-op.  I am doing so much better physically.  I was able to fully clean my house last Saturday (mopping, vacuuming, etc) without much pain and it was wonderful to be able to do it on my own.  I really don't have pain unless I'm reaching...like when I clean our jacuzzi tub or help Kevan hold 2x4's above my head while he's putting up our deck roof.  Or if I'm bouncing...like when Kevan asked me to tow the tractor through the pasture using the 4-wheeler.  It was pretty bouncy and I didn't realize the pain I would be in until afterwards.  I am sleeping a lot better and have only been waking up once or twice a night.  I have gotten to the point now where I forget that I had surgery (if I don't look or feel) and the very painful first few weeks are almost a blur.  It is amazing how we can forget the pain.  I guess that is why women go on to have multiple babies even after a painful birth.  Thankfully, each day gets easier and the bad times are forgotten.

I will be starting chemo in 6 days!  I'm sort of freaking out.  Every day I try to cherish the hair I have because I know in a few VERY short weeks I won't have any.  This means head hair, eyebrows, eyelashes, nose hair, arm hair....you get the point.  :o)  Right now, my bad hair days are great days!  Also, I'm trying to think of everything I want to do before next Tuesday.  Just in case I have side effects I want to have the house clean, laundry done, work caught up and food ready.  I'm also hoping to make a bunch of frozen meals this weekend.  This worked out so well when I had surgery that I want to make sure we have things like this available again.  It is so easy for Kevan or I to grab a casserole out of the freezer, let it thaw during the day and then stick it in the oven.  Also, I like to throw all of our smoothie ingredients (homemade yogurt cubes, fruit, etc) into individual baggies so we just have to dump it in the blender for a quick breakfast or snack.  Kevan has reminded me how important antioxidants are right now and blueberries will definitely be in the baggies.  Also, while reading one of my breast cancer books I learned that yogurt is one of the top 5 best foods for hydration.  So, any help I can get there is great since I will already be pushing myself to drink more water.

Tomorrow I have an appointment with my plastic surgeon for another "fill".  Strange to type the words.  I have a "plastic surgeon".  I never thought I would write that.  I am so glad that God has gifted some doctors with the gift of plastic surgery.  I would be left with a very unflattering body if I had just had a mastectomy with no reconstruction.  I am blessed.  I know that a lot of surgeries are for cosmetic reasons, but I know they do huge miracles for some who were involved in accidents, have cancer, etc.  I've seen it first-hand with my brother.  He was in a car accident when we were in high school.  I made it to the hospital before they took him into surgery.  He went through the windshield and back out again (he wasn't wearing his seat belt).  You can imagine what that could do to someone's face.  It was awful to see him like that and I know it was even harder for him.  Today, he is just as handsome as he always was.  No one would even know that he was ever in an accident.  So, I am praying and holding onto miracles that I will look as good as I did before.  I wasn't perfect before so I am not looking for perfection.  I will even be okay with the scars if it means I will feel normal and look somewhat normal again.  Please God!  

Something I have not mentioned on my blog (I don't think) is that I have gained 10 pounds since my surgery.  I have no idea why.  Saline cannot weigh more than my old breast tissue, can it?  Maybe it's because I have not been doing much physical exercise, but I would've never imagined I would gain 10 pounds in 6 weeks!   So, not only am I unhappy with how I look due to surgery....now I am REALLY unhappy with how I look because I have gained weight.  Some have said I will lose it during chemo, but I have not been able to find evidence of that.  If I do....it will be one of the blessings of chemo.  I would love to lose about 20 pounds....and please no comments about how I don't need to lose weight.  I REALLY want to fit into my clothes and lately my clothes options are diminishing greatly.  I hate shopping...so I don't think clothing options will improve much unless I lose some weight. 

Tonight I will be teaching my very first adult bible study.  I'm pretty nervous.  I do NOT like to be in front of others so this is a huge step for me.  I already feel like I'm going to throw up.  lol!  Also, Kevan will be teaching a 5th/6th grade boys class for the first time.  We both need lots of prayer.  :o)

I don't really have much else going on.  For those who aren't on my Facebook the only other news this week is that the "wild" horse, that lives on our property sometimes, had her baby.  I've been praying for weeks that she would have her baby on our property so I could see it!  The baby is adorable, but this was the best picture I could get since they run when we approach them.  We bought some sweet feed and we are trying to lure her into being friends with us.

And the kitty that lives in our barn had kittens.  They have to be at least 4-6 weeks old since they are coming to the porch for dry food.  They run from us, but I'm hoping at some point they will let us pet them.  It isn't a great picture since I had to take it through the window, but you can still see their cuteness!  Also, we think Bob is the father and I am soooooo happy they all have tails....unlike Bob...who has a stub.  lol!

So, even through this difficult time...God is giving me little blessings.