Peach Fuzz

First, let me give you the great news!  I have peach fuzz on my head!  Yes...my hair is starting to show...just a little!  I am actually very excited and have shown quite a few people.  Most of them think I'm crazy because you can hardly see it, but I see it!  The only downside to hair growth is that it is also growing on my legs and underarms so I have had to start shaving again.  I guess the no-shave vacation is over.  lol!  I was going to post a close up picture of the hair on my head...but when I add the picture I cannot find a way for it not to look ridiculous...so let me play around with how I'm going to do it.  Then, I'll post a picture. 

Some more good news is that the other night I woke up and realized I was on my STOMACH!  I have tried sleeping on my stomach many times and it is too much pressure on my tissue expanders, but somehow my mind knew that it would work.  I can maneuver a certain way now to be able to sleep pretty comfortable on my stomach, but after about an hour or so I do get achy and have to move to my back.  I am pretty happy about it though.  I had missed laying on my stomach and it feels so good....even if it is only for an hour.  :o) I'm guessing this will get better once I have my final exchange surgery. [I am 5 months post-op...can you believe it!  Seems a lot shorter me.]

Yesterday, was our 9th Wedding Anniversary.  I'm so glad that God brought us together.  I love my husband and know that he is the man God planned for me.  I am blessed that God healed me of breast cancer and I can spend many more years with my best friend.  Our wedding day was such a special day.  I can't believe how young we look.  Here is a picture from our wedding.

Weight loss/Diet Update
I am currently down 7.5 pounds since I started my diet on 9/10.  I know I am losing slowly, but I didn't want to put my body through too much right now.  I also started doing the treadmill 4-5 times a week.  My diet is going well.  I haven't eaten at a fast food restaurant in 4 weeks except places like Qdoba, Chipotle Mexican Grill, etc...where I can get fresh food and not processed or fried foods.  I have not had any sugar or any type of dessert either.  I have had my Ezekiel bread apple muffins (made with freshly ground flour, my FIL's eggs & apples and local honey)....which taste healthy and not dessert like.  I use use honey to sweeten my iced tea, breads or muffins.  I am pretty happy with how it is going and I feel good about eating healthier.  I did cheat once and had sushi (which has white rice), but it was so good I was okay with it.  lol! 

Kevan and I were in Orlando, FL last week and I typed this up on my iPhone while I was sitting on the beach so I thought I'd share:

The wind is a little cold so I decided to go lay in the sun to get warm.  I laid my beach towel down on the sand....got it just right and then laid down.  As soon as my body hit the sand I realized "OUCH"...this isn't gonna work!  My very hard tissue expanders came into contact with the very hard sand.  I thought about lifting up my towel to dig a little ditch to fit my breasts into (LOL!), but I realized if anyone was watching me I would be very embarrassed.  LOL!  So, I tried to lay on my back, but it was no fun.  I went back to my chair.  I'm wearing a cute little fishing hat but it keeps getting so hot I take it off.  I am a little self-conscious here.  Not sure why.  It might be because so many women at the beach look cute in their suits and pretty hair and my husband has to look at his poor wife with her bald head and extra weight.  But, I am blessed that I can be out here in a two-piece bathing suit 5 months after a double mastectomy.  It is pretty amazing.

I went in the water for a bit with Kevan.  On our way back to our umbrella I noticed two pretty iridescent crows sitting on each of our chairs.  Well, one pooped on my shorts.  Lol!  They aren't as pretty anymore.  This isn't the first time I've been pooped on at the beach.   A seagull pooped on my arm last year.  I hear it is a sign of good luck, but I'm not sure. :o)  I think it means I need to spend more time at the mountains.

Here is a picture of me from the beach.

Soon I will write a post about the many things we did in Florida.   I'm stretched for time lately and haven't had a chance to get the pics off my camera yet.

Day 9 After First Chemo

I wrote in my previous post about how my throat and stomach were on fire.  After I posted it I was reading a breast cancer book that a dear friend gave me and it mentioned that chamomile tea might help.  I was glad to try anything.  Our keurig has chamomile k-cups so I made myself one with a little honey.  It worked!  By the time I finished the cup the pain was gone and I was able to fall asleep.

I had a pretty good day yesterday.  Kevan had to run to town so I went with him.  He was hungry so we stopped by a Mexican place.  I had a cheese quesadilla and it tasted wonderful!  It was nice to get out.  Later I was still feeling good so we went for a walk.  I was so happy to be getting better.   When we got back from our walk I had some tea to help my throat.  It worked again and I haven't had the throat pain since.

I woke up at 2am FREEZING!  I have never been so cold.  I didn't want to bother Kevan so I got up, went to the couch, put 2 fleece blankets over me and froze for 5 hours!  I could not get warm.  At one point I even had 2 cats on me and I still wasn't warm.  Another weird thing is that my armpits are very swollen (lymph nodes I'm guessing).  They are so bad I can barely lift my arm even now.  What is up with that?  I don't know what that means...but it sure is painful.

When I first laid down on the couch I checked my temp and it was 99.0.  No worries.  Kevan got up at about 7am to come see where I was.  I told him how cold I was.  I tested my temp again and it was 100.4.  One more degree and I'd have to call the on-call nurse/doctor.  I waited about 15 minutes and it was up to 100.7.  So, we called.  She was not very happy with me paging her on a holiday.  We could tell she had been sleeping.  She talked to the doctor and then called back to tell me that she had called in an antibiotic for me.  She said, once I start the antibiotic, if I get worse then I would need to go to the ER.  Oh yay.  I wanted to get better.  I did not want the hospital!

I cannot remember a time when I have had a fever.  My mom always talks about how my temperature was always low growing up.  So, this is not something that EVER happens.  Kevan decided to go to the pharmacy without me.  Before he left all of my joints started hurting.  My wrists, ankles, knees and hips.  Even my jaw.  I could barely walk it hurt so bad.  Kevan had to help me to the restroom.  By the time he left my temp was 101.7.  While he was gone it just crept up and up.  It topped at 102.9.  I was in a lot of pain and I was scared.  I didn't like being here alone.  What happens if someone's fever gets too high?  I had all these horror stories going on in my head.  I couldn't wait for him to get back.

When he returned I took the antibiotic and two Tylenol.  Within 30 minutes my fever started going down.  About an hour later I was no longer freezing but SWEATING.  I even fanned myself.  My body pain started to improve.  I was so happy.  I was on the mend I thought.  3 hours later it all started happening again.  I started freezing, body pain got so bad I couldn't walk and my underarm was very painful.  They were so swollen it is hard to lay my arms down against my body or lift them because of the pain.  Anyway, I waited for the 4 hours to be up and then took another two Tylenol.  For the last 4 hours my fever has been around 100.5 and 101.  I'm not having the chills and now only my hips and underarms are hurting.

So, I'm starting to feel like a cancer patient.  Also, I am so strange because I have been worried about my hair all day (it is so curly and matted to my head) that I am scared of going to the hospital looking like this.  I know....crazy!  I'm thinking that losing my hair during this adventure is probably a blessing from God.  I won't have to worry about it.  If I want to go in the shower and let the water ease my pain I won't have to worry about my hair getting wet and how I'm going to dry it because my arms hurt so bad.

I'm really sad that I ruined Kevan's 4th of July.  He loves fireworks.  Also, I'm sad because I am going to have to go out on Leave of Absence from work.  I was putting work before my health (not eating breakfast if I had a call soon or not sleeping if I needed it because of conference calls).  Plus, I was just plain missing too much work.  I am thankful that I have the opportunity to take leave from work during this time.  I am SO thankful.  Now, I can concentrate on my health.  I'm beginning to think that it isn't the cancer that kills people but the chemo.  It is so bad. 

I still have red dots all over my back like I have the chicken pox and they itch like crazy.  My rash on my chest and legs is getting better (thanks to Benadryl).  I had a few spoonfuls of eggs today, some cottage cheese (it tasted so good) and a couple spoonfuls of cup of soup.  I don't feel hungry.  So far I've lost about 6 lbs...but I'm still not back to pre-surgery weight.  I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow with the Oncologist to have blood drawn and check my blood counts.  I'm actually looking forward to it so I can talk to him.

Thank you to everyone who prayed for me today.  I hope that I can repay everyone with a flood of prayers someday.  I love you all.

A Better Day

Today has been a better day than the two previous.  I'm going to bore you for a little bit to tell you my symptoms so I don't forget when I have my next treatment.  This is Day 7.  I'm still having problems eating.  I was sticking to a liquid only diet most of yesterday and today (Medifast shakes, chicken broth, ginger ale, water).  My stomach feels so much better when I do this, but I feel really weak.  Each time I eat solid food I end up with bad stomach cramps within 15 minutes.  Also, dairy seems to do the same thing.  I did finally break down and had a 1/2 of a baked potato this afternoon and ended up regretting it.  I talked with the doctor's office and they want me to eat anyway.  They suggested some over the counter drugs.  I also have to make sure I continue the baking soda/salt/water mouth wash.  My tongue, throat and lips are numb and she said I will most likely end up with the mouth sores if I don't do the mouth wash.  I have to keep lip balm on my lips at all times.  My tongue feels like sandpaper....it is really gross.  I still have a rash in various places and they want me to use benadryl cream on it to see if it improves.  My head is still pretty itchy.  I woke myself up about 20 times last night because I was itching my head.  I didn't even realize it until I woke up.  I guess it is the hair getting ready to fall out.  Lastly, I've also had some really bad back pain.  I was taking Aleve, but the doctor told me that I can't take it anymore and I have to switch to Tylenol. The pain is better today, but it is still there.

I feel like I'm through the worst of it, but I don't know if I will have the same effect each time or not.  I'm dreading the next one.  I hate that I was hardly able to work last week.  Which means I will have to take a week vacation for  each chemo treatment if this happens every time.  I'll have to talk to the doctor about it.  It isn't fair to my team if I'm going to be gone so much.

Thank you all who sent me texts, messages, prayers and verses.  I really appreciate them and really needed them.  My mind has been so out of it I haven't read my bible or devotional in a few days.  Plus, not having coffee in the morning has made this difficult as well.  My nights have been great...which is kind of surprising....but I sleep pretty well without pain between 1am and 7am each night.  I am very thankful for that.  It might be because I eat dinner at 7 or so and by the time it works itself through I'm okay by 1am.  Or it could be because y'all are praying for my nights.  Thank you!

Well...I don't really have any other updates.  Just trying to get through each day right now.  Struggled to work through the pain, with my brain not working right and being so tired today.  I am so slow.  Hopefully, tomorrow will be better. 

I want to share a funny picture.  On Thursday I sent Kevan to the store to get me some plain saltine crackers.  He's so sweet.  He came back with all of this!  He wanted me to have options.  lol!  I ended up having cream cheese on my saltines.  Thank you Babe.

The Countdown Begins...

So....the chemo is in my body.  The countdown to hair loss begins!  No turning back now.  I am conflicted on whether I'm going to use my hair dryer and straightener.  Everything I read says not to because the heat will make it fall out faster, but I hate my curly/wavy hair.  Maybe I'll just do it once a week on Sunday for church.  But, if I'm only going to have hair for 14 days...does it really matter if it is only for 7?  What do y'all think?

If some of the below is "wordy" it is because I want to remember it for later in case I need to refer back to it.

I arrived at the oncologist at 9:15am yesterday.  They took my blood work around 9:30am and she took it out of my left arm even though it ups the risk of lymphedema.  My surgeon and oncologist both think that since I only had a sentinel node biopsy and not an excision that it should be okay.  I'm praying it will be.  We waited about another hour just to see the oncologist.  While we were waiting in the patient room Kevan's cousin came by to see us and offer support.  It was very sweet.  The oncologist finally arrived.  We discussed getting a port and he doesn't think it is necessary.  He wanted me to try it without a port yesterday to see how bad I thought it was.  It wasn't bad at all.  I've met 2 people that told me their port was worse than their surgery and it was painful when they used it.  So, I'm leaning towards not getting one.  Also, the doctor had some good news.  He said, for now, I will only do 4 chemo treatments instead of 6!  Although, if it is going well with minimal side effects he wants me to continue to 6.  If I'm having a hard time then I can stop at 4.  Truthfully, I just like the idea of my hair growing back a little faster.  :o)

I brought up my oncotype score of 70 and I was so glad I did.  The oncologist explained that pre-menopausal women always have a higher score.  That is why so many of the numbers I was seeing online were so low because most women that have breast cancer are post-menopausal.   He said due to my age, menopause and the aggressiveness of the cancer that is why my score is so high.  He said it is actually a good thing because it means the chemo should work and get rid of any other cancer cells lingering in my body.  Praise God!

We waited around ANOTHER 30 minutes before a woman arrived to give us a little course in Chemo 101.  I was given a big binder to read, additional documentation and she was very helpful in circling the most critical items.  She answered any questions we had and was very sweet.  She's instructed me to rinse/gargle/spit a salt/baking soda/water mixture 4-5 times a day to prevent mouth sores.  Mouth sores is a side effect of one of the chemo drugs.  She discussed how I will probably GAIN WEIGHT  (UGH!!) because I am pre-menopausal and this will put me into menopause during treatment. So, I guess I will have to go clothes shopping.  :o(  The doctor and her both mentioned things that can help me from gaining weight.  I need to make sure I eat breakfast and exercise in the morning to rev up my metabolism early in the day, eat good throughout the day (whole foods, not sugary/fatty foods)  and not eat after 7 or 8 at night.  Since we live in Central time, but "live" on Eastern time (for work purposes) I am not sure which time zone to choose.  I guess Eastern.  She also discussed "chemo brain" with me and how I will start forgetting things and how to prevent it.  One of the items was to "work on one thing at a time".  That is going to be hard for me.  I'll have to take lots of notes.  Also, she said I can go to church even though I will be around so many, but I shouldn't hug or be around others that are sick.  If I see someone coughing or sick next to me I need to move, I need to use hand sanitizer all day long and I cannot be around kids if they appear sick.  Also, if anyone comes to visit me they will need to wash their hands as soon as they enter the house.

I didn't move to the chemo room until about 2pm EST.  I started to pray for strength.  The Lord was with me.  I was flooded with calmness the rest of the time.  I know there were many others praying for me too and I am so thankful.  I was very nervous in the morning, but throughout the day I was just relying on God and giving him my burden.  Here is a picture of me in the chemo room.  Kevan snuck and took the picture as it was against the rules.  So, shhhhhh!  Awful picture...I had just shoved a peanut butter cracker into my mouth.  lol!  Oh, did I mention free snacks and drinks.  :o)

They hooked up my IV into my right arm.  [Later my PT said this was a bad idea and that I need to use my left arm from now on since my right arm is my dominate arm.  So, if I'm going to develop lymphedema I want it in my left arm, not my right.]  First off, she pushed saline through my IV.  I'm one of the lucky ones that can taste it.  She said that was a good thing because it tells her she has a good vein.  Then, they gave me a steroid drug through the IV, followed by 2 anti-nausea drugs.  Then, they gave me Taxotere.  Some people have allergic reactions to it within the first 5 minutes.  I had no reactions (Praise God!).  It took about 45 minutes for that one to finish.  Then, they added the Cytoxan.  Almost toward the end of this one I started to develop a weird sensation in my nose, like I had went swimming and got water up my nose.  It was awful.  I had to keep laying my head back and holding my nose.  It remained the rest of the time.  The nurse said I was one of the lucky 1 in 10 to develop this and it will happen each time.  They don't know what causes it or why I am so special.  Oh yay!  Once chemo was done it last about another 20 minutes.  It wasn't a pretty bad side effect, just annoying.  So, the chemo is in my body, I'm drinking my water and trying to go to the "little girl's room" every 2 hours as directed.  Which, I don't have to set an alarm for.....I HAVE to go.  lol!  They sent me home with 2 anti-nausea drugs and a list of side effects that would be urgent if I experienced them and would need to call their office immediately (even at night or on the weekend).  They were like, fever over 100.5 F, vomiting/diarrhea over 24 hours, etc. 

After we left I had to stop by to see the Physical Therapist just to show her my scar banding so she could refer me to a PT closer to my house.  She found one, but she is on vacation so I won't start PT until 7/9.  :o(  They are going to do massaging and stretching to relieve the scar bands.  I am praying it works because it is pretty painful.

I didn't want yesterday to be a depressing day so we decided to go out to dinner before my nausea kicks in a few days from now and to see a movie if I was up to it.  My MIL was with us all day providing support and encouragement (wasting her whole day) so we took her out to PF Changs, one of her favorite places.  I didn't eat too much because I was scared to get sick, but it was all really good.  Afterwards, my MIL's cousin met us somewhere to take her home and we left to head home.  Then, we had to stop at a McDonald's and use their restroom.  I decided I wanted to go to the movie so we stopped on the way home to see "Brave".  We had 2 free movie tickets (and popcorn) from my oncological surgeon because we had to wait so long that day he wanted to do something nice for us. So, our movie trip was on him.  :o)  I did eat popcorn and it tasted pretty good!  I had to get up to go to the bathroom and as I started down the steps to the bathroom my legs were VERY weak.  I had to hold the handle.  I wasn't sure if I got up too fast or if things are starting to happen already.  I was pretty sad because everyone keeps telling me that the side effects won't appear for a few more days.  I need to work this week.  So, I'm praying they hold off until Friday night or altogether!  I had to use the restroom twice while we were at the theater.  lol!  I'd say I'm pretty hydrated.

On the way home Kevan stopped to get me my favorite smoothie from Panera (Mango Smoothie).  It didn't taste right.  Tasted like orange not mango.  He tasted it twice and said he tasted mango.  Weird!  It wasn't as good to me as they normally are, but I drank it all.  LOL!  We arrived home at 11:30 EST, I fell asleep around 12:30, slept until 2:30 (used the restroom and drank my water), didn't fall back to sleep.  Got back up at 4:30 to use the restroom/drink water.  Then, fell asleep about 5am and woke back up at 5:45 chilled.  When 6am rolled around I just got up.  So, I only slept about 3 hours last night.  I'm exhausted.  I'll have to take a nap today.

One of the best things that happened yesterday was that I made a Chemo Friend!!  She is 3 years younger than me, had pretty much the same surgery as me and same chemo regimen.  The only sad thing for me is...her last chemo was yesterday...but that is great for her!  I'm so happy she made it through.  She had a tough time and had to take off work.  I loved talking with her.  We exchanged information and I really hope we keep in touch.  :o)

Also, speaking of great things....I am so blessed to have medical insurance.  This is not a burden for us and I know it is for so many going through this.  We have had to pay out of pocket (about $4,000) so far, but God has provided what we have needed so far.  I am truly blessed to not have to worry about how we will pay for these bills.  Thank you Lord.  I love you and I know you are blessing me so much throughout this journey.

Other than the not sleeping well (probably from the steroid) I've only felt a little strange (off-balance/clumsy) a little.  If I sit up too fast I get very dizzy so I'm trying to train myself to move slower.  Also, my arms and legs are a little weak.  I think I'm going to visit the bathroom and then try to take a nap now before I start work for the day.

Thank you all for your prayers.  I surely felt them yesterday.

Invasive Ductal Carcinoma (IDC)

It was confirmed yesterday that I have Invasive Ductal Carcinoma (IDC), Stage 1-2, Grade 2-3 (Intermediate to High). The stage may change after the surgery because they will have more information from the biopsies and will know if there is lymph node involvement. It is my understanding that the grade is based on the aggressiveness of the cancer. A few of you have asked me about whether it has spread. We do not know right now, but should know more after the surgery. The path report says that the tumor suggests vascular invasion, but it is difficult to say with certainty. 

Also, for those that didn't read my previous post...I will not meet with an oncologist until several weeks after my surgery. Treatment (chemo, hormone drugs, etc) would not start until about 6 weeks after the surgery. 

Tentatively, the surgery is set for Monday, 4/30.

You Have Cancer

"You have cancer".  Three words I thought I would never hear.  Maybe when I am old and gray, but not while I'm in my 30's.  I have breast cancer.  Typing the words even seems strange to me.  Hearing Kevan say, "my wife has cancer." makes me think he is talking about someone else.  But, he isn't.  He's talking about me.  One of the worries when I found out was that someone might be hurt because I forgot to tell them before it came out on Facebook.  If you are one of those people please forgive me.  It wasn't on purpose.  I have a lot in my head right now.  This blog will now serve as the tool to let everyone know how I am doing.  Kevan is going to update it when I can't or when I don't feel like it and he is also going to do a few posts so he can journal a bit on how he feels as well so that if someone else goes through this in the future there is a "husband" perspective.  

I do not know the extent of the cancer yet.  So, until I do I will give everyone a little background on the last few months.  In October I felt a lump in  my breast while I was taking a bath.  Of course, it freaked me out a little, but it was so tiny I had a hard time finding it each time.  I made an appointment with my gynecologist and then beat myself up about why I was even going when I couldn't even find the lump half the time I looked for it.  I went to my appointment (10/28) and she told me that she couldn't feel it, but that she would request an ultrasound just to ease my worry.  I had the ultrasound on 11/1 and the results came back that it was "fatty tissue" and that it was benign.  Nothing to worry about.

Below is a picture of my ultrasound.  I always requests any films or test results for my own personal archive.  I like to see/read what they receive.  When I Google "breast cancer" my lump doesn't look anything like what Google images showed me as malignant lumps.  So, I thought that was great.

I still didn't feel right about it still so she ordered a mammogram on 11/17.  I had the mammogram and it didn't show anything abnormal.  It was my very first mammogram.  It will be fine with me if I NEVER have one again.  lol!  It was not fun.  If you are a man....thank God right now that you don't have to have mammograms.  ;o)

By January, I knew that the lump had increased in size.  I could find the lump easily and it also "tingled" so it wasn't hard to locate.  In my mind I associated the "tingle" with it growing...so it freaked me out.  Of course, I don't know if that is true.  If I pressed on it, it hurt.  Everyone (and Google) told me that cancer doesn't hurt so that is a great sign.  I felt like I was making a big deal out of nothing so I waited until I felt like it had doubled in size before I called the doctor.  I had another ultrasound on 2/23 and it revealed again that there was nothing to worry about.  Even though the images showed a larger mass of 2.41cm the radiologist noted in her comments that it "had not changed since the last ultrasound".

All is well, right?  No.  I wasn't happy.  I wanted this "thing" out of my body.  Kevan wanted it out too just so I would quit making him feel it and so I would stop talking about it.  lol!  I waited another month while I tried to decide if I was crazy and should let it go or if I really should have it removed.  I spoke with my mother-in-law and she recommended I talk to her surgeon.  She has survived cancer twice and is an inspiration to me.  I love my mother-in-law!  She is such a blessing to me.  I saw the surgeon on 3/29.  He is one of the top oncological surgeons in Tennessee.  My mother-in-law went with me because Kevan wasn't able to due to his work schedule.  The doctor did his own ultrasound and confirmed it was "fatty tissue" (or lipoma) and said he was 99% sure it was benign.  Nothing to worry about.  But, he did want to remove it and do a biopsy.  I had my lumpectomy/biopsy on 4/3.  2 days after my 36th birthday.  Kevan and I went back on 4/6 for my follow-up.  On the way there Kevan asked me if I was worried.  I told him I wasn't worried AT ALL.  Everyone that saw the ultrasound told me it was nothing to be concerned about.  I believed them.  Kevan told me later that day that he WAS worried.  He said he just didn't feel right about it.

As soon as the doctor walked into the room I knew something was wrong.  He had tears in his eyes.  This actually meant a lot to me.  He does this every day.  He has to tell women (and sometimes men) that they have breast cancer and he isn't immune to it.  It still makes him sad to have to reveal the news.  He said that he couldn't believe it when he read the biopsy results.  He called the lab to make sure it wasn't a mistake and even met with some other medical professionals to go over the findings.  He said it was a very "unique" case.  Yes, well....God made me very unique.  lol!

The doctor wasn't in a hurry.  He sat down and answered all of our questions and even gave me his cell number in case I forgot to ask something or I wanted to talk to him.  What doctor would give his patient his cell number?? 

We are waiting on several tests to find out what type of cancer, what stage, etc.  I will update this blog as I find out.  I know with all of my heart that God is with me.  I'm not alone in this.  He is my comforter and my healer.  I am not sorry this is happening.  God has given me this as a plan for my life.  He orchestrates all things, including cancer.  If I believed that God was not in this I wouldn't have the strength to get through it.  But, I know He is here with me.  He is the Creator of ALL THINGS.  I love Him. 

I also know that I have the best husband.  He has been so supportive.  He stops to give me hugs and tell me he is sorry.  He helped me take a bath and wash my hair last week when I had the lumpectomy and couldn't get my incision wet or raise my arm.  I love him so much and he is such a blessing to me.  I wouldn't want to go through this without him.  I love you Kev.  You are my best friend.

I have an awesome family and in-laws who I know will also be supporting me through this.  It seems that they are taking it harder than I am, but that is probably normal...I don't know.  I also have TWO wonderful church families who have loved on me the last few days.  I've had several friends ask me what they can do.  Right now, instead of telling me you are sorry just tell me that you will pray for me.  Don't just say it, but DO IT.  Even if you only remember to pray once.  Pray at the time you tell me you will pray.  If you put it off you might forget.  Also, if you are a friend that jokes with me and laughs with me (or even pokes fun at me) please don't stop.  That is why I love you.  I know that cancer is serious, but please don't look at me and pity me.  Just continue to laugh with me and make me smile.  I will need lots of laughter. 

My prayer right now is that the cancer has not spread.  Please pray that I do not have lymph node involvement and that it is no where else except the breast.  Also, I will be having surgery in 3-4 weeks.  Most likely it will be a double mastectomy, but Kevan and I are thinking about my options still and will be meeting with the plastic surgeon next week to discuss everything.  So, please pray that we make the right decision regarding my surgery and treatment.  It is a huge decision and a little scary.  I HATE going under anesthesia.  Ugh!  Not again.

Lastly, I am so thankful that God chose Good Friday to reveal this to me.  It is a reminder of how much He loves me!  He died for me and suffered for me so that I may have eternal life with Him.  He has forgiven me for my sins and through his blood I am restored.  Praise God!