Thursday, July 12, 2012

Day 15-17 After Chemo: Starting to feel myself again

I've been feeling a lot better.  Besides having a daily headache I've been doing really well.  Tuesday I was able to take a walk with my hubby.  I think we walked about 1.5 miles.  We just walked down the road to a pretty bridge over Mountain Creek and then back home.  I wanted to keep up walking each day, but we had to head to Nashville again Tuesday night for doctor's appointments yesterday so I didn't walk.  Then, this morning it is raining so I might have to actually use my treadmill.  :o)  I think today is the first day that I have baked since before my surgery.  A very sweet friend brought us a basket full of fresh veggies from their garden and also freshly-picked blueberries.  So, I ground some Ezekiel flour and made some Ezekiel muffins with the blueberries for breakfast.  It was nice to bake again.  I'm going to try to get up the energy to make some bread today too.

Tuesday we went to the American Cancer Society to see what head coverings and wigs they had.  They only had about 25-30 wigs and most of them were gray haired or very short haired.  There was only one blonde one that didn't have bangs so I ended up taking that one home.  It was free!  Also, women can donate their left over head coverings so I was able to look through to see if anything appealed to me.  I chose a black headband to wear under my head coverings and a floral turban type to wear to bed.  Kevan didn't like it the looks of it, but it was comfortable to sleep in.  I might have to get my sewing machine out and sew up a simple beanie cap for bed.  Here is a picture of the free wig they gave me. 


I went to the oncological surgeon yesterday so he could look at my swollen underarms.  He said that he didn't want to do anything about it right now.  Sometimes, when they lance them or drain them it can become infected and create a bigger problem.  So, I'm supposed to continue the antibiotic to see if it improves.  It is amazing how much chemo can mess up a body.  I never thought I would end up with big lumps under my arms.  It actually seems worse today than it was yesterday.  I'm pretty worried about it getting bad again after chemo Tuesday.  But, I'll continue to pray and ask God to help it go back to normal. 

I also had another appointment with my Physical Therapist.  She measured my arms.  Before surgery my right arm was 1% larger than my left.  Now, it is 6% larger so she believes it is the beginning of lymphedema in my right arm.  I was so scared of this and talked it over with my doctor's several times prior to surgery.  They told me over and over again not to worry that I was young & thin and I wasn't high risk.  So, I okay'd the sentinel node biopsies (which came back cancer free).  Well, now I'm being fitted for the compression sleeve/glove and will have to wear it every day for the rest of my life.  I'm pretty sad about it.  I will also be seeing a PT near our home to have massaging done and learn exercises for it.

Over the last few days I have realized how much my husband is being affected by a lot of this and sometimes I don't take him into consideration.  I need to remind myself that this is hard on him too.  His wife has gained 20 pounds in 2 months.  She can't fit into her cute clothes anymore.  She's had her breasts removed and hard expanders added, she has scarring, is not feeling well most of the time and she doesn't have the energy to just up and go.  The thing that really woke me up to this is that I am okay with my bald head.  I don't mind walking around the house, going out to get the mail and I probably would be okay going around town like this just to shock people.  LOL!  But, he doesn't feel the same way.  He wants his pretty wife back.  We went out to dinner on Tuesday night and I just wore a scarf.  I didn't feel like putting a wig on.  Once we got there I could tell it bothered him.  I talked with him about it and he asked if I could wear my wig when we go out, at least until he was used to it.  So, even though I'm okay with not having hair he is the one that has to look at it all the time.  I need to be sensitive to that.  When I'm around the house he wants me to wear a head covering.  I understand.  He doesn't want to lose his sexy wife and it seems each week he's losing a little piece of her.  Hopefully, when we are through this journey I'll be able to fit into my skinny clothes again, my scars will fade, my long hair will grow back just as pretty and I will have the energy to go hiking and do fun things as a couple again.  For now, with the things I can control (head coverings/wigs)...I need to give in a little for him.  So, if you are going through this and you are married...remember your husband wants his sexy wife....so on your good days....try to be what he needs.

I don't really have much else to write about.  I am hoping to get caught up on housework between naps today so my house will be in order before I get chemo again on Tuesday.  Man, I am dreading Tuesday.  :o(

4 comments:

  1. I am praying for Tuesday. I sure hope you do not get sick and run a fever like last time. You are truly amazeing.

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  2. Hi Jayde, I know what you are going through - first the surgery and then the dreaded chemo, and my heart goes out to you for your courage and faith. Not taking away anything that you are going through I am glad that you realize what Kevan is experiencing as well, and you are very smart to see that. I feel that is part of a marriage - the good and the bad, the giving and the taking, in sickness and in health and somewhere in the middle you two seem to always be so considerate of one another. I commend both you! Enjoy your weekend and try not to think of Tuesday especially since you are feeling better! Love, Judy

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  3. I've been out of the loop for a couple weeks, but I just caught up on all your entries that I missed (which was your whole chemo treatment). I'm all teary-eyed! Jayde, you are so strong! And you're not despairing! And you're thinking of Kevan's needs in all this! I'm just so amazed. I know it's the Holy Spirit giving you the grace you need to get through all this. Plus, you look fantastic. Did you draw on your eyebrows - or do you still have them? They look really nice! Anyways, I'm so glad you're posting through all this. Thank you for being so open and sharing the nitty gritty of cancer. I'm totally amazed by you. :) You're awesome. And God is awesome.

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  4. kbuckner1@frontiernet.netJuly 28, 2012 at 5:02 PM

    Jayde, My oncologist told me to take Claritin to counteract the side effects of the Neulasta shot. Praise God it works!!

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