Answered Prayer!

Hi!  It's me!  And.....I am sooooooo happy!!!  My doctor's appointment yesterday went perfectly.  God is so good to me.  He is so good......period!  I clung to those verses I posted yesterday and knew that God would be there with me and He was!  I have been walking around with a smile on my face ever since we left the office and every time I think about how it all played out...I get tears in my eyes thinking about God's goodness.

Let me give you a little background concerning the Tamoxifen issue.  I know I've mentioned before that I have researched it and have friends that are on it.  I've been very concerned about taking it because of its side effects and have prayed (and sorry to say, I've worried) about it a lot.  I just didn't feel like it was worth 5 years of side effects when it will only reduce my recurrence by a very small percentage.  The percentage wasn't high enough for me and I felt like I could rely on God and his percentage would be WAY higher.  Anyway, each time I was with the doctor (my MIL, parents and Kevan have all been there with me) he would talk to me about Tamoxifen and how I would need to take it for 2 years, take 2 years off to try to get pregnant, once I have a child (or not) I would go back on it for the remaining 3 years.  EVERY TIME I was there he discussed this treatment in some way.

Well, after much prayer by so many of you, me, my parents, my MIL and Kevan....God answered those prayers so perfectly.  My oncologist walked into the room yesterday and the first thing he mentioned was that he didn't think I needed to do Tamoxifen.  It was amazing.  We didn't even bring it up yet!  I have tears in my eyes right now just thinking about it.  I am sooooo incredibly happy.  I was dreading the conversation with the doctor, trying the medication, the side effects, etc and God removed this burden altogether.  I didn't even have to have the conversation.  I had asked God in my prayers that it would be obvious to me what I needed to do.  The doctor's abrupt change in treatment totally confirmed for me what I have been feeling the Holy Spirit tell me from the beginning.  Truthfully, I wasn't sure if it was just me being stubborn and I was imagining God telling me not to take it.  So, it was great to walk out of the office yesterday FULLY knowing God's answer to our prayers.  Thank you so much for your prayers for me.

Also, God didn't just answer my prayer about the treatment....he blessed us even more.  The doctor told us that once my period returns (since I've been in menopause from the chemo it hasn't returned yet) we can start trying to get pregnant right away!  He doesn't think we need to wait a year and his nurse explained that sometimes when couples have problems getting pregnant (like we have) that chemo can sometimes knock your system into working and couples that couldn't get pregnant before get pregnant right away.  I don't know if this is what God has planned for us and I do not want to let myself think about it too much because I will be disappointed like I was for so many years before cancer.  But, it would be pretty awesome.  Really though....I'm open to whatever God has for me.  I would love nothing more than to be a mom and for Kevan to be a father, but I don't know if that is in God's plan.  I also wouldn't care if I had my own baby, used a surrogate or adopted.

"Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart."  Psalm 37:4

When I arrived in their office they took blood (ouch! but....they only had to stick me once!  YAY!).  My WBC counts were a little low (3.1), but RBC and platelets were good.  I also had a fever for some reason.  We also discussed some side effects I'm still having from chemo with the doctor and his nurse.  My arm is still burning sometimes from my last chemo (since it leaked out of the veins over time).  They said this would go away over time, but to keep my arm out of the sun.  My feet continue to burn on the bottom and especially hurt when I stand for a long period of time.  The nurse explained that this is neuropathy and it will go away as well, over time.  She suggested that I take Vitamin B6 as this has shown to help with the pain some.  We talked to him about my menopause side effects and he referred me to my "female" doctor.  So, I will be going to see her.  He said that it takes quite awhile for the symptoms from chemo to away and that by January 2013 I should be doing a lot better.  Also, I was told that I could NEVER take birth control pills/patch.  Nothing that has hormones (no estrogen/progesterone for menopause symptoms).  I wouldn't want to take birth control anyway.  (FYI...if I had taken Tamoxifen we could not get pregnant while on this so we would've had to use some sort of birth control and it could not be anything that contained hormones - so another reason I am so glad that is not the treatment). He did say that I could use estrogen cream (I won't go into detail here.  lol!)...as studies have shown that it does not get into the blood stream and is not systemic so it would be okay to use.  Also, in the end he said he didn't think I needed any scans (no PET Scan...yay!) and that I wouldn't need to come back until January.  PTL!  He said, I am CANCER FREE! 

It was a great day.  It is amazing to watch how God works in our lives.   If we just involve Him, pray to Him and ask Him...He will show up.  :o)  Oh, how I love Him so!

"As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love.  If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and abide in his love. These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full." - John 15:9

My joy is full.

Anxiousness and Faith

I'm anxious and I know the Lord tells us not to be anxious.  Sigh!  I have an appointment with my oncologist tomorrow and I have a lot of anxiety over it.  We are going to talk over my future treatment and discuss what types of scans will be performed to make sure my cancer has not returned.  I'm really not looking forward to the appointment.  I DO NOT want to take the recommended treatment, Tamoxafin.  I have researched it many times, cringed over the side effects and every time I come to the same conclusion.  I have prayed about it and every time I come to the same answer.  I don't want it.  PLEASE pray for Kevan and I.  This is a difficult decision for us.  I wish (and pray) the doctor had the same conclusion.  Please pray for God to give the doctor wisdom as well.  I might be even more nervous about this than I was the chemo.  

Also, he wants to discuss "scans".  I really hated going through the PET scan and it is not high up on my list of accurate tests since it showed a false positive of breast cancer in my left breast as well.  (After my mastectomy biopsies it was determined that I only had it on the right side...not both sides like the PET scan revealed).  So, I really don't want to have PET scans as my periodic test.  I need pray regarding the scans too.

I'm also tired of the side effects I'm still experiencing from the chemo (mostly menopause symptoms).  I would really LOVE prayer for this.  Please beg God for me and ask him to take these symptoms away.  I know He can and God has answered so many of your prayers for me.  I am so thankful for everyone.

I am also SO thankful that I have a little bit of hair on my head now.  Kevan said today that it looks like I have a 5 o'clock shadow on my head.  :o)  I'm taking biotin to help it grow back a little faster.  I hope it's working.

I will try to have faith that my Father is going to work everything out for good tomorrow.  I know He will....I will cling to the verses below.

"The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." - Philippians 4:4-7

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. - Romans 8:28 
 

Peach Fuzz

First, let me give you the great news!  I have peach fuzz on my head!  Yes...my hair is starting to show...just a little!  I am actually very excited and have shown quite a few people.  Most of them think I'm crazy because you can hardly see it, but I see it!  The only downside to hair growth is that it is also growing on my legs and underarms so I have had to start shaving again.  I guess the no-shave vacation is over.  lol!  I was going to post a close up picture of the hair on my head...but when I add the picture I cannot find a way for it not to look ridiculous...so let me play around with how I'm going to do it.  Then, I'll post a picture. 

Some more good news is that the other night I woke up and realized I was on my STOMACH!  I have tried sleeping on my stomach many times and it is too much pressure on my tissue expanders, but somehow my mind knew that it would work.  I can maneuver a certain way now to be able to sleep pretty comfortable on my stomach, but after about an hour or so I do get achy and have to move to my back.  I am pretty happy about it though.  I had missed laying on my stomach and it feels so good....even if it is only for an hour.  :o) I'm guessing this will get better once I have my final exchange surgery. [I am 5 months post-op...can you believe it!  Seems a lot shorter me.]

Yesterday, was our 9th Wedding Anniversary.  I'm so glad that God brought us together.  I love my husband and know that he is the man God planned for me.  I am blessed that God healed me of breast cancer and I can spend many more years with my best friend.  Our wedding day was such a special day.  I can't believe how young we look.  Here is a picture from our wedding.

Weight loss/Diet Update
I am currently down 7.5 pounds since I started my diet on 9/10.  I know I am losing slowly, but I didn't want to put my body through too much right now.  I also started doing the treadmill 4-5 times a week.  My diet is going well.  I haven't eaten at a fast food restaurant in 4 weeks except places like Qdoba, Chipotle Mexican Grill, etc...where I can get fresh food and not processed or fried foods.  I have not had any sugar or any type of dessert either.  I have had my Ezekiel bread apple muffins (made with freshly ground flour, my FIL's eggs & apples and local honey)....which taste healthy and not dessert like.  I use use honey to sweeten my iced tea, breads or muffins.  I am pretty happy with how it is going and I feel good about eating healthier.  I did cheat once and had sushi (which has white rice), but it was so good I was okay with it.  lol! 

Kevan and I were in Orlando, FL last week and I typed this up on my iPhone while I was sitting on the beach so I thought I'd share:

The wind is a little cold so I decided to go lay in the sun to get warm.  I laid my beach towel down on the sand....got it just right and then laid down.  As soon as my body hit the sand I realized "OUCH"...this isn't gonna work!  My very hard tissue expanders came into contact with the very hard sand.  I thought about lifting up my towel to dig a little ditch to fit my breasts into (LOL!), but I realized if anyone was watching me I would be very embarrassed.  LOL!  So, I tried to lay on my back, but it was no fun.  I went back to my chair.  I'm wearing a cute little fishing hat but it keeps getting so hot I take it off.  I am a little self-conscious here.  Not sure why.  It might be because so many women at the beach look cute in their suits and pretty hair and my husband has to look at his poor wife with her bald head and extra weight.  But, I am blessed that I can be out here in a two-piece bathing suit 5 months after a double mastectomy.  It is pretty amazing.

I went in the water for a bit with Kevan.  On our way back to our umbrella I noticed two pretty iridescent crows sitting on each of our chairs.  Well, one pooped on my shorts.  Lol!  They aren't as pretty anymore.  This isn't the first time I've been pooped on at the beach.   A seagull pooped on my arm last year.  I hear it is a sign of good luck, but I'm not sure. :o)  I think it means I need to spend more time at the mountains.

Here is a picture of me from the beach.

Soon I will write a post about the many things we did in Florida.   I'm stretched for time lately and haven't had a chance to get the pics off my camera yet.

Humbled

Today is Sunday and I am up pretty early (5:30 am).  So, I thought it would be fitting to speak of how God has been working in my life since this is the Lord's day.  I finished chemo treatment about 5 weeks ago.  I praise Him so much for getting me through my treatments.  It was really hard at times, but I can look back and see Him walking with me the whole way.  Since I finished treatment, so many people have been blessing me with their encouragement regarding my blog.  I've never written about the creation of this blog before, but when we first found out that I had breast cancer Kevan got up in front of our church and asked for prayer regarding this blog.  I wanted to give support and hope to those women out there going through the same struggles.  I have heard from a few women with breast cancer and that they were thankful for my blog.  I've also heard from others.  So, God has answered this prayer, but he has answered it in abundance. I am humbled to think that there are people out there reading my long and wordy posts.  It is so sweet.

In the last few weeks I have heard from so many people (men and women) regarding how much they love my blog and how it is an encouragement in their lives as well.  None of these people have breast cancer and many of them I didn't even know were reading my blog.  How amazing is it that this little blog would have an impact on those not even walking the same journey.  That is how God works.  He is my Father and gives me so much more than I even ask for.  I am so blessed.

Thank you for your cards, texts, emails and spoken words of encouragement.  I received one of the sweetest cards I have ever received last week.  I keep it in my purse now as a reminder of those reading my blog and for encouragement.  I am overwhelmed again in this journey.  I have been overwhelmed so many times before, with all of your prayers for me, words of encouragement regarding my pain or treatment and now I am amazed again at your sweet words to me about this blog.  My prayer is that even though the journey is almost over (once I have my final surgery) it will continue to be a light to you.  That God will give me the words to say, not just for the women out there with breast cancer, but to those that may be suffering in another way.  

Kevan and I were out shopping on Friday and we ran into a friend at the store.  She mentioned how she really liked my blog and that it was so "humorous".   Do you know what that meant to me?  That someone would think of my blog and not think about the sadness of cancer or the bad things that come with my journey....but the humor.  I loved it!  God has given me grace throughout this whole journey so that I could see the blessings and the humor throughout it.  It is not my own strength, but His that got me through it and is getting me through it. Of course, I had the bad days of feelings sorry for myself....but I am so grateful that they were few.

The night Kevan shaved my head I did start to get a little emotional.  I knew I was going to start to cry, but I prayed and God was there with me.  I didn't cry a single tear and we laughed the whole time.  He wasn't just there that night to give me strength when losing my hair, but He is still with me in my hair loss.  Even now I am okay with it and I know it is because He provides the strength.  On the day of my double mastectomy surgery I was in a basement room, alone and scared.  I was waiting on the nurse and doctor to come and give me a shot in both N's to prepare for my lymph node biopsies.  I was on the verge of tears thinking about what was about to happen.  My life would be changed after this day and I was about to experience one of the most painful things I've ever felt.  I laid on the hospital bed and prayed that God would be with me.  I couldn't do it alone and wouldn't want to.  I needed Him.  Of course, He was there.  Once I prayed I felt so much better.  The sweet nurse held my hand during the procedure, my surgery came shortly after and I can hardly remember that day now.  I'm saying all this to say that it was the most pain I've ever been through and I can hardly remember it now.  It doesn't matter if you are having surgery, going through a divorce, lost a loved one or suffering in another way.....pray and ask for His help.  Don't try to do it alone.  Put your burden on Him and He will take it for you.  He also provided an army of others to be with me during this journey (my husband, my family and ALL OF YOU)...again, he answered my prayer in abundance...beyond my imagination.  The reason this blog has been an encouragement to others is because you all have been an encouragement to me.

I am humbled by all of you.  Thank you.  God is so good to me.

"I thank my God every time I remember you."  Philippians 1:3

Having Fun

I know I'm not writing as much lately.  I am doing so much better that there is not much to write about and I haven't had much time now that I'm back to work.  Plus, Kevan and I are in Florida this week.  So, I haven't had much time to write since we are running around after work visiting friends, eating at good restaurants and enjoying Florida.  I did want to post something funny though.  Like I said, we are in Florida.  It is VERY hot here compared to Tennessee.  My head is getting so hot having to wear a wig every time we go out.  I was complaining in the car today as we were coming back from our dentist appointments.  I told Kevan I couldn't stand it anymore and I was just going to drive around bald.  I handed him my wig and told him to put it on and see how it feels.  I wanted him to feel what I feel....hot and sweaty!  

So, Kevan tried about 4 times to get my wig on right.  Lol!  Once he had it on he left it there the rest of the car ride.  As he was walking in the house (with it still on...I wish the neighbors would've been outside!  Bald Jayde and blonde Kevan walking in the house!) he said, "You are right....this thing is HOT....and itchy!"  I totally agree.  It is hot.....and ITCHY!  Now he knows how I feel in it!  Maybe he will let me go bald more often....but I doubt it.  ;o)

It sure made for a funny story and a funny picture...see the below before and after photos.  Although...now he wants to grow his hair out.  I said NO!  He might end up with better hair than me!  ;o)

Chemo Care Packages

I've been thinking a lot lately about chemo care packages.  So, over the last few weeks I've been pulling a list together.  When this journey is over I want to be able to provide those that I know going through chemo with their own chemo care package.  I won't purchase everything, of course, but a small gift basket with a few items would be helpful.  Here are some things that I've come up with.  I thought some of you might also be interested.  Also, I will update this post if I think of any others.

Update:  I've noticed this is one of the most read posts.  If you end up using any of the ideas below will you let me know?  I am just curious whether this was helpful or not.  It is read quite a bit, but I have not been given any feedback.  Thanks!

Must haves:

• Extra Soft toothbrush - this was the first thing I needed after my first chemo.  My mouth/gums were so sensitive during chemo even "soft" was too hard.  Kevan found extra soft at Wal-Mart in a package of 2.  I kept one here at home and one at my MIL's for when we stayed with her for Dr. appointments.
• Chamomile Tea - for the throat/stomach burning - it is the only thing that helped me.  I drank it every night before I went to bed and anytime during the day when I had the throat burning.
• Ginger Tea - for nausea - I liked iced ginger tea better, but was only able to find the iced version at the Puffy Muffin.  It is awesome ginger tea!  I could only find the hot version at the store and I didn't care much for the taste, but others might like it.
• Slippers or soft socks  - I had a lot of problems with the bottom of my feet hurting during chemo.  Slippers and soft socks helped me a lot.
• Comfy clothes - I lived in comfy pajama-like clothes for MONTHS.  This was a must have as well.  If summer, it is nice to have a few shirt/shorts outfits.  I also wore a lot of cute pajama pants and shirts that didn't require a bra (some type of pattern or sewn so it is not as noticeable if someone stops by.  lol!).  The colder months it was nice to have some long sleeve/pant outfits...especially in the hospital since it is so cold.  If they have hot flashes though stick to a lighter weight material.
• Cool Chemo cap - due to my hot flashes most head coverings around the house are too hot.  It was VERY hard to find one that wasn't too hot for nighttime.  When I would have hot flashes I would be drenched and I'd have to take it off.  Then, I'd get cold because my head was wet.  So, it has been an endless battle trying to find the perfect cap for bed. I've found that the best ones for night are the ones that are made out of t-shirt material - also, they don't have a tie on them so you aren't sleeping on something hard and won't wake up with a sore neck.
• Amazon Gift cards - for books, audio books or movies to watch when they aren't feeling well.  I used mine to purchase movies to watch on my iPad during treatment or when I wasn't feeling well at home.  Audio books were good for the days I couldn't see well or think well.
• Walkie Talkie's - This helped Kevan and I a lot when I needed something.  Both after my surgery and during chemo.  We could've used our cell phones, but then if I was asleep and someone else called it would've woke me up.  So, walkie talkie's worked better.  He could go outside or do whatever and I could always call him when I needed him and he could check on me if he started to worry.  Also, ours has a feature that vibrates so if Kevan was mowing the lawn or on the tractor he could still feel it ringing if I needed him.  They aren't very expensive.
• Personal Mini Fan - If they are pre-menopausal and will be going through menopause this is a lifesaver! 
• Pharmacy Gift Card - If the person is light on cash or does not have insurance this is a good gift.  Kevan and I didn't need this, but it would come in handy for someone that has expensive prescriptions or needs the MANY Claritin pills to counteract the Neulasta bone pain.  The Claritin was $25 a package and I had to buy 3 during my chemo treatments.

Things I ate the days I was most nauseous, having throat/stomach or intestinal issues:

• Cream of Wheat - I like the "from scratch" box, but they make packets too for those that want the easier route.  Then, you just add water.
  
• Oatmeal - On my good days I made the Old Fashioned version.  On my bad days I used the Low Sugar packet version and made the hot water in my keurig.
  
• Baked Potatoes - this was my favorite, I could just stick them in the microwave for 5 minutes and put some butter on them.
• Eggs - scrambled, fried, hard boiled...but mostly scrambled with cheese.
• Watermelon - another alternative to drinking water and staying hydrated.  This is a MUST-HAVE the first few days after chemo since we need to flush our system of the chemo poisons!  They need to be going to the bathroom EVERY 2 HOURS so that chemo doesn't sit in the bladder.  Also, if they don't have a port this is helpful the day before and the day of (before arriving) any type of needle pricks (blood draws, chemo infusions, IV's, etc).
• Homemade soup - After my surgery and chemo this was a favorite.  Someone made me a huge pot of chicken soup and I just froze it in individual serving sizes for when I was craving it.  It was easy to thaw a little in the microwave and then heat it on the stove.  Also, my mom made me Cream of Potato soup (or chowder) and this was very good to have on the days I couldn't eat much.  Soup was a HUGE gift to me!  I loved it on those days when nothing sounded good or tasted good.
• Popsicles - helped my throat feel better, but a little too much sugar so I didn't eat them very often.
• Lollypops - help with the throat flare and tongue rawness.  I even ate them during church service because my throat was on fire. 
• Prunes and raisins - If your friend is having problems "going" this is a good thing to have and eat throughout the day.  I tried to start eating them a day or two before chemo and then continue EVERY DAY the first 2 weeks.  Also, the individually wrapped prunes lasted a lot longer, as far as not getting so hard, than the non-wrapped. 
• Apple juice - see the one above.  Good for helping the intestines.  Buy the one without added sugar so it is a little healthier.
• Lemonade - I was sooooo tired of drinking water that I made up some Country Time lemonade and drank it when I felt my tongue could handle it.  It tasted a lot better than water.  Fresh lemonade would be better, but too much trouble for me when I didn't feel well.  This might have contributed to my weight gain since I don't usually drink sugary drinks.  Crystal Light might be a good option, but I'm allergic to an ingredient in it and have never been able to drink it without having days of migraines following a glass of it.  :o(
• Dill pickles - Taste buds get really messed up and I craved pickles.  But, Clausen are the best (from the fridge section).  I would eat a whole jar in 2-3 days.  lol! Also, my brother made me some bread and butter pickles and I ate those in 3 days as well.  Yummy!  He's the pickle-man!

Luxury items:

• Blanket - I received a couple blankets as gifts.  I loved bringing my own blanket to the hospital with me or to chemo.  It is just nice to have something that is your own and also to remember those who gave it to you and that they are thinking/praying for you.
• Foot massages - my husband gives GREAT foot massages, but if your friend is single or her hubby is not good in this area purchase some foot massage gift certificates.  Chemo is hard on the feet.  They need to be moisturized and loved on a lot (massaged).  Also, I've heard a lot of good things about Reflexology therapy for the feet, but we didn't have anyone in our area that did this.  My cousin who is on chemo for a brain tumor did this type of therapy and he believes that it really helps his side affects.
• Lavender pillow - A friend from high school sent me a few lavender products and the lavender pillow she sent is wonderful.  All the products were made locally.  If I'm having a bad night or stressed out I put my head on it and I could feel myself relax immediately.  Lavender in my bath also helped relaxation, but sometimes to the point of falling asleep in the bath!
• Bath pillow - I wasn't allowed to take baths until about 8 weeks after my mastectomy so I did not use my gifted bath pillow until chemo started.  I took lots of baths because of lack of energy or body pain.  When you have no hair the back of the tub is VERY cold....a luxury bath pillow is very nice to have to lay your head on.  Also, when I would be sick in the bathroom and have to lay on the floor it was nice to use to lay on or just hold when I was sitting there in pain.

If you want a few funny items that they will probably really end up needing, here are a few:

• Toilet Paper Wet Wipes - make sure to get the natural ones that do not contain alcohol.
• Senokot - this is natural and won't give them too many cramps like other items on the market.
• Imodium - once the Senekot and prunes start to work...they may have to get this out.  It is a never ending battle.
• Prunes (I mentioned them above too).  

Another thing that really helped me during my 3rd and 4th chemo treatments was my parents coming to visit.  During chemo 1 and 2 I had many days that I didn't feel well and would lay around.  I felt alone because Kevan was working and I would watch way too much TV.  Well, once they visited I had the opportunity to sit with them if I felt like it and interact.  It really helped pass the days faster and I didn't lay around nearly as much because I had someone to talk to...maybe on 1 or 2 of my really bad days.  Also, we have 2 sitting rooms so if I wanted to be alone I could while they were in the other room.  So, if there is only one sitting room you may want to ask the patient if they need alone time....just in case.  Also, I didn't feel as bad about having to be driven around since they were always at my house.  :o)

Praise and Weight Loss/Diet Update

I have a huge praise.  Some of you may remember that about 6 months before I was diagnosed with breast cancer Kevan and I had decided to try and get custody of an 11-year-old boy from foster care and maybe adopt him someday.  Well, we went through all of the preparations (foster parenting classes, home study, lawyer, etc) and then I found out I had cancer.  The day of our custody court date was actually the same day that I had my mastectomy.  Anyway, I found out that he is being adopted!  I am so excited for him that he has found a good home.  They are a great Christian family and already have children so he will also have older siblings.  They all love sports and spend a lot of time doing family activities.  Many of you were praying for him (and us) and God took care of the situation and provided him a good home.  Although, I still would love God to bless us with a child (foster, adopted or biological) someday.  I'm still praying for a miracle! 

Weight Loss/Diet
I've lost 4 pounds so far on my diet.  I know it isn't much, but it is very encouraging to get on the scale and see it a 1/2 a pound less almost everyday!  I've had a few people comment on how I should not be on a diet already or "why are you dieting?  You don't need to lose weight".  To answer the 2nd question...I may not look like I need to lose weight to you, but I do not feel like myself.  Before my surgery in May my legs did not rub up against each other when I walked.  This DRIVES ME NUTS.  Also, I didn't sit down and have a roll at the top of my jeans.  This also drives me nuts.  I want to feel more like the pre-cancer Jayde.  I know I can't fix my scars, breasts, etc....but I do have control over my weight and this is something I want to do.  I want to fit back into the clothes I've warn for years and not have to move up 2 sizes!  Also, I'm not able to wear my wedding rings anymore because my fingers are too big now....so I really need to lose the weight so I can put them back on again!  I don't want to have them re-sized.  :o(

Now, to answer their first comment, "you shouldn't be on a diet already".  I'm not really on a "diet".  I want it to be a lifestyle.  As I was laying around recovering from chemo I watched many cancer and overall health documentaries.  Each of them spoke on the diet of people today.  Some mentioned the "caveman" or "paleo" diets so I started doing some research.  I just want to go back to when people ate whole foods.  Foods that didn't contain chemicals, preservatives, processing, etc.  They grew it and ate it.  It didn't go to some factory to be processed and changed from it's original form.  So, basically this isn't a "diet" but something I want to move to over time.

I'm looking into finding organic grass-fed meats in our area.  My father-in-law now has chickens for us to get eggs.  I want to eat lots of organic veggies and we already grind our own organic wheat.  I will be staying away from anything that contains sugar though.  If it's been sweetened with honey or maple syrup I'm all for it, but I don't need the over-processed sugary foods.  I've read a lot of testimonies from people that were diabetic, had high blood pressure and high cholesterol that changed to this way of eating and they no longer have any of those health issues anymore.  I've had cancer...I don't want to have it again.  This is a big motivation for me and I hope I can do it.  Now, I love chocolate...so I am going to find a way to get my "fix"....but until then I will try to refrain.  :o(

I'm doing pretty good so far.  I haven't cheated.  Also, the first few weeks of this new way of eating I'm staying away from white potatoes and wheat.  I will introduce them in a few weeks.  This may sound hard, but it isn't.  It just requires planning.  Although, I have yet to find ANY fast food I can eat.  :o(  So, if we go on a road trip it is really going to take some planning.  Kevan is getting a little annoyed with my diet when we go out because there are so many places I can't eat.  Mexican works...I just get fajitas.  Salads work too, but dressings become a problem.  I haven't figured it all out yet and who knows how long I'll be able to eat like this without throwing it to the curb for a Arby's Roast Beef and fries.  Or a big chocolate ice cream cake.  I'll just keep praying that God will help me.

I hope you all have a wonderful day.  Thank you for taking the time to read my blog.  I've started to work on something that has been on my heart for some time...a local breast cancer support group...so if you think about it...please pray for me as I want to be a light and hope to those ladies around me that need support as they go through the same journey.  I'm not yet sure how I'm going to go about it, but I've started to type out some things, started a presentation and keep thinking up various ideas.  But, hopefully one day it will be a blessing to someone.