So Many Blessings!

Today was such a blessed day.  Actually, the whole week.  I was blessed by so many that I work with this week.  They told me how happy they were that I was back to work.  It was so wonderful to hear.  I was scared they might realize they didn't need me and I'd be out of a job.  lol!  I guess I really am needed!  Feeling needed is such a nice feeling.  Being back to work has made me feel like less of a cancer patient and like things are normal again.  I actually can forget for several hours now.  If I don't walk into the bathroom and see my bald head or start getting tired it is easy to forget what has happened over the last few months.

Yesterday, I attended a Beth Moore conference with 5 friends from church.  We had a great time together.  Beth Moore was wonderful, as usual.  Her message really spoke to my heart and it was just great to be a part of it with the other ladies from church.  I've done several of Beth Moore's studies (A Heart Like His (David), Jesus the One and Only, Breaking Free) and one day I want to do her Daniel study.  This was the first time seeing her live.  Well, she was actually live in Pennsylvania, but a local church an hour away from us was doing a web simulcast so we went and watched her live there.  It was great.  There were over 150,000 women in 50 states, 96 Canadian locations, 21 International locations, 5 military basis and 2 women's prisons watching it.  That is just AMAZING!  I really did think that it was going to be weird because it was a simulcast, but it was great.  I can't wait to go to another one!

Then, today....church was pretty awesome!  Kevan and I were asked to do a bible study discussion this morning since our normal teacher was out of town last week.  We picked our topic and since I had already done a similar study with the ladies group I updated my Power Point Presentation and Kevan led the actual discussion.  I have been stressed out ALL WEEK because we had to do it and I wasn't sure if the content was "perfect enough".  I prayed and walked through it with Kevan several times.  Kevan is never worried when he has to speak.  I don't know how he is so calm.  I freak out if I have to speak in front of others and I wasn't even the one that had to talk today.  lol!   It really has opened my eyes to the amount of work our normal teacher (Willie) goes through.  It takes a lot of time to pull it all together.  (Thank you Willie!)  Anyway, I should not have been worried.  Kevan did a great job with the help of the Lord, of course.  We had so many slides though that instead of rushing through it the class asked us to come back another week and finish.  They loved the content.  So, we were even blessed that they want us to come back and do more!  Then, worship was AWESOME today (I included one of our worship songs below because it really spoke to me today).  Church service was just great all around.  I'm so glad we've been blessed with such a great church and so many great people that share their testimonies.  There are no perfect people in this world.  Sometimes, when you are in a church you feel like you can't get close to people because then they will know that you aren't perfect, but the people at our church are so open and honest.  They have a past just like I do.  They still struggle with things, just like I do.  Being open and honest is what makes us such a great church family.  We can be there with them in their struggle, praise the Lord with them when God blesses them, help them if they need something, cry with them when they are hurting, etc.  But, it requires us all to open up and not be scared to put ourselves out there.  I love our church!  Okay....I'm done.  I just wanted y'all to know what a great day we had and how blessed I feel.  I also need to remember this day because some Sundays Kevan and I fight all the way to church, we are grumpy and tired through the service and we just don't feel good.  I'm glad those days aren't that often.

Below is the song that spoke to me this morning as well as yesterday at the conference.  I've also included the scripture that I think inspired the writer of the song.  The last two verses are my FAVORITE verses in the bible.  I've underlined them.

With the song...Kevan says that where it says "if our God is for us"....change it in your mind to "since our God is for us".  Since God IS for us.  :o)  He loves us. 

Pretend you can hear me screaming (I mean singing) at the top of my lungs:  "Our God is Healer!  Awesome in Power!"

Romans 8:31:39 -

"What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written:

“For your sake we face death all day long;
    we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Chemo #4 Day 14: Started back to work

Today was a great day.  I started back to work!  Yay!  I've really missed my team.  I was a little scared that it was going to be hard after so many weeks off of work, but it was really great to feel like my old self again.   I am still a little slow brain-wise, but I'm sure it will all come back to me little by little.  I hope!  I didn't sleep well last night (about 4-5 hours) because I was so anxious about today.  Hopefully, I will sleep better tonight.  Today was the first day in 2 weeks I haven't taken a nap...so I should sleep well tonight (between the hot flashes).

Kevan and I went for a walk after work today.  I was able to walk about 1.5 miles and I had to go up a hill which was a little hard for me, but it felt great to do it.  I'm going to try to start walking everyday.  I also started a little mini-diet to see if I can get back in shape and lose a few pounds.  I didn't want to go on a full fledged diet since my body is still healing...so it is just a "mini" one.  lol!  I REALLY want to get back to my pre-surgery weight...maybe a little less.  I'm really praying for God's help.

Below is a picture of my arm.  It actually looks a little better today.   You can't see in the picture, but the skin is red too and it burns and hurts.   A couple days after my chemo my arm started to burn like it does when I'm having my chemo IV.  Then, a few days after that little red blotches were appearing.  Now, it just looks like I have acne on my arm and little parts of skin are peeling.  I called the doctor last week and the nurse told me that this can happen with Taxotere.  It has "leaked" from my veins and caused the skin to burn.  If I take a bath or shower it hurts pretty bad when it hits the water.  They told me to put hydro-cortisone cream on it.  I guess it will go away eventually.  I tried to research it online, but haven't found anything on it.  If you've had Taxotere and went through this as well will you please comment your experience?  I'm hoping it is done spreading and will now be going away.  REMEMBER - if you have to have chemo....GET A PORT!

I know it's a bad pic, but it is hard to take a pic one handed.

Well....I'm feeling a bit normal today.  If I didn't look in the mirror and see my round face and bald head....I might actually forget that I just had chemo.  It's been a blessed day! 

Thank you Mom & Dad!

Today is a sad day.  My mom and dad left me!  They came to take care of me one month ago and now that I'm doing well they are headed back to Michigan.  I can't believe it's been a month.  There is just something about having your parents to take care of you....you can whine and they don't get irritated with you.  lol!  I know it is time for them to go, but at the same time it has been really nice to have them here.  My mom has helped me so much with the house cleaning, laundry and meals.  I haven't had to worry about any of it.  I don't know how Kevan and I would've ate without her help...let alone had clean clothes.  :o)  It was so nice to climb into a bed at night that was made earlier in the day.  Since going through this I haven't been making my bed and that one thing is so comforting at night.  My dad was here to drive me to my appointments and do grocery store runs for us whenever we needed anything.  He was known for running to THREE different stores if I was craving something and he couldn't find it at the first two.  It was very sweet of him....I kept telling him he didn't have to do that.  He mowed the lawn several times for Kevan since he's been so busy with work.  Each little thing was such a blessing to us.

Also, I'll miss my mom saying, "Do you need something to do drink?" or "You need to keep drinking.  You need to get that chemo out of your system!"  or "Did you take your medication?"  It is always nice to be worried about.  lol!


When my parents first decided to come I had a list of things I wanted to do with them before they left.  Cooking and baking with my mom, sewing with my mom, taking my dad to see The Hermitage, visit a friend's farm, etc.  Well, we didn't do any of it.  I just haven't felt up to it.  I guess when you are a cancer patient...you really are a cancer patient...I just don't have any energy.  This last chemo treatment has really kicked my butt and I'm having a hard time bouncing back.  Also, when I went out on leave of absence from work I had all these hopes of getting my house organized while I recuperated.  That didn't work out either.  I actually had to recuperate and didn't have any extra energy to do much.  I start work on Monday.  So, even though they were here a month it really was taken up with Jayde having to "get better" and we didn't have much time for fun.  We didn't even have a game night.  But, I really appreciated everything they did for me.

Even though we didn't have "fun" during their visit I am grateful for them.  They gave up their whole month for me....leaving their nice house in Michigan, their grandkids and my other siblings to come take care of their sick kid.  I love you both.  I will miss you!  I thank God for you both and that He blessed me with you.  My prayer today is that you have safe travels home.  That it is an uneventful and speedy trip.  Lord, please keep them safe.

Last night we made a last minute trip to my Father-in-law's farm to introduce my parents to his new "ladies".  My mom wanted to meet his new chickens before they left today.  The hens are adorable!  I could hear them before we made it to their coop.....chatting to each other.  I loved it!  As some of you know I was getting chickens earlier this year, but once I was diagnosed I decided to wait.  It would've been too much.  So, it was a real treat to see the girls last night and think about having my own soon.  They've laid 4 very cute brown eggs so far.  I did wear flip flops though and one of them decided it would be fun to peck my pink nail polish.  Ouch!  I'll have to wear close-toed shoes next time!

Here is a picture of me holding one of them.   No one else wanted to be in the picture. 

White Blood Cells (Chemo 4: Day 8)

White Blood Cells (WBC)...something one doesn't think about often, but they are sooooo nice to have.  They are keeping me out of the hospital during these last few treatments.  I had my Neulasta shot last Thursday and haven't thought twice about it until last night.  Yes, I've been taking my 24 hour Claritin everyday to help with the bone pain, but other than that I forgot about the possibility of the "bone pain experience".  The Claritin helps, but doesn't take it away.  

I couldn't keep my eyes open last night...still feeling bad yesterday and being short of breath if I just walk across the house.  So, I went to bed early.  I had my normal night of hot flashes and didn't sleep well.  Then, woke up at about 4am with the bone pain.  Ugh!  It is so bad.  Don't get me wrong....I'm happy that my body is creating WBC's....but, boy, is it PAINFUL!  

Be thankful for your WBC's and that you aren't feeling them being created.  I'm trying to find a position where I'm not in pain and try to lay like that for as long as I can.  The slightest move and it feels like my spine and hips are being torn out of my body.

This was my last chemo!!!  I won't have to go through this again.  PTL!

Chemo 4: Day 7

It has been awhile since I've posted.  Mostly, because I have had chemo brain and have not been able to do much.  So far, today is the best day I've had since Day 3.  It is still early, but I can tell that I'm doing much better.  I woke up at 2am with a hot flash and couldn't do back to sleep.  So, I got up to take a bath.  It helped get me tired again and then I slept on the couch until 7am (waking up every hour with a hot flash).  I have good news.  Before I took my bath I weighed myself and I have lost about 4.5 lbs.  That was so great to see.  I still have about 20 to go, but to see that this morning was very encouraging since I have not done anything yet to lose it.  :o)  I'm going to try to start my diet in a few weeks and do some walking to see how hard it is going to be to get back to my pre-surgery weight.  I'd like to get back to it before I have my final surgery and before I start tamoxifen.  Which is still, "if" I take tamoxifen (I'm still praying about it and I am still thinking "no", but everyone else (family, Kev, doctor) is saying "yes". 

I was able to go to church yesterday.  We usually go to Sunday School as well, but I did not have the strength, but I decided I could probably sit through church service.  When we arrived I thought I had made a mistake.  I made it to my seat, heart racing, music loud and was having a hard time.  I couldn't stand to worship so I just sat in my seat.  I actually even had a hard time staying awake during the music...which is odd since it is pretty loud and we sit pretty close to the front!  It was also the first time I've showed up for church on a Sunday without a wig!  I just had a head covering and it actually didn't cross my mind until I was leaving.  I barely got dressed and ready....a wig was not on my mind yesterday.  I may or may not have woke myself up from snoring (Shhh!).  lol!  I thought about going home, but I just don't feel right if I skip church.  My week feels strange....I feel like I've missed something in my life and I didn't want to feel that all week along with everything else.  So, I stayed.  Then, our wonderful worship team started singing the MercyMe song, "Bring the Rain" and I just felt like this song was for me.  Tears started streaming down my face (thank you CR for the tissues!) and I knew I had made the right decision to come to church.  Here are the lyrics that spoke to me....I included a youtube video at the end if you want to hear it.  It really spoke to my heart yesterday and confirmed everything I'm going through.  That this is all in His plan for me...He is here with me, this is for His Glory and He continues to bring me joy and peace through it all.  I felt so much better after this song and really enjoyed the sermon...glad I got out of the house, got myself ready....even when I didn't want to.  It really blessed me.

Bring The Rain lyrics

I can count a million times
People asking me how I
Can praise You with all that I've gone through
The question just amazes me
Can circumstances possibly
Change who I forever am in You

Maybe since my life was changed
Long before these rainy days
It's never really ever crossed my mind
To turn my back on you, oh Lord
My only shelter from the storm
But instead I draw closer through these times
So I pray

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free

Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain

I am Yours regardless of
The clouds that may loom above
Because You are much greater than my pain
You who made a way for me
By suffering Your destiny
So tell me what's a little rain
So I pray

Holy, holy, holy
Is the Lord God Almighty

Hot Flashes
The worst part right now are the hot flashes.  The doctor gave me something to take at night to help, but it hasn't helped at all.  I wake up about every 45-50 minutes burning from the inside out.  I'm drenched in sweat....I throw my covers off...take off my head covering....fan myself for about 10 minutes to get cool again and then pray I can fall back to sleep.  I get up 1/2 through the night to change my pajamas (which are drenched and I'm freezing) and then try to go back to sleep.  It is M-I-S-E-R-A-B-L-E.  I spoke to a friend over the weekend who is on Tamoxifen and she said the first 6 months were miserable as well, as far as hot flashes.  So, if everyone else gets their way regarding the Tamoxifen, I guess I won't be sleeping well for a long time!  Grrr!

Brain Fog
My brain fog started early during this chemo.  Normally, I do well until Day 6 or 7, but it started on the 3rd day this time.  I can still feel it and cannot think real clearly on Day 7, but it is much better.  I hate this part of chemo so much because I literally cannot do much.  I lay around, can't comprehend movies and  can barely hold a conversation.  I also had a hard time staying awake.  SEC football started over the weekend and I slept through most of the games....and I snored!  Which is not normal for me.  I'm unsure if it is the extra weight or the chemo.  I hate it!  Luckily, the sound of the game was so loud I don't think very many heard me.  lol!  Just my hubby. 

Intestinal Issues
Finally, after 4 chemo treatments I think I finally figured out what was best for my intestinal problems caused by the chemo.  It has not been as bad at all this time.  I started eating a handful of raisins and 4 prunes on the day of chemo (after I ate my last meal for the day) and EVERY day after chemo (after my last meal).  I drank quite a bit of apple juice (maybe 12-16 oz a day) to stay hydrated and to help with this as well.  It listed apple juice in my Chemo 101 book as a good thing for this as well and I love apple juice and hate drinking water so I was happy to do it.  Things have gone a lot better.  Not perfect, but better.  I didn't want to take Senokot (which is what is suggested in my Chemo 101 book) as it creates a lot of pain for me and I end up lying in the floor in the bathroom for HOURS.  So, I was just trying to work with the raisins/prunes this time.  After this, I'm not sure I ever want a prune again.  lol!  But, if you have to go through chemo....try the raisins and prunes!

Hand/Feet/Arm Pain
I've had a lot of fingernail pain (hands and feet) the last few days.  This is normal...along with the bad taste-buds and raw tongue.  I try not to let my hands or feet in my hot bath water if I take a bath as the heat seems to make them worse.  I so love baths though...so it hasn't stopped me.  Also, you must wear gloves if you wash dishes or it will get a lot worse.  In addition, I'm having burning pain from where the IV was in my hand and it is radiating up my arm (I don't see anything on my hand though...it is all inside)...a lot like the pain I have during the actual Chemo infusion.  I've only had it about 2 days and I'm hoping it will go away.  If I still have it tomorrow I might call the doctor to see if there is something I should do to make it stop.  Also, I'm having my feet pain already, which I don't normally have until the second week.  My hubby gave me a foot massage yesterday and it did help.  Not sure what causes this.

Hair Loss
I still believe the hair loss during chemo is a blessing for me.  Maybe I could've just cut my hair short, but not having to worry about my hair during all of this (washing, conditioning, drying, styling) has been such a blessing.  I know that probably sounds crazy, but after my surgery, early chemo and in the hospital it was such a burden to have to deal with.  It has been nice to not have that as another thing to deal with.  I am now looking forward to it growing back though!  We will be buying some Biotin tablets (my oncologist said it was okay) and I've heard it will help the hair grow back faster.  I'll keep you updated!  I do have a little peach fuzz, but I don't know if that will fall out or not since I'm only 7 days out from Chemo 4.

Today I am a CHEMO GRAD!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, today -  August 28th, 2012 - I had my last visit to the chemo room, as a patient.  I may stop by and see the wonderful nurses when I'm in the offices for a check up, but other than that....I spent my last time in the chemo chair!  PRAISE BE TO GOD!  I cannot tell you how my heart feels.  There are no words.  I am so happy.  Of course, for the next couple weeks I will experience the side affects, but I know as I'm going through it that THIS IS IT!  :o)  Woot Woot! 

Doctor Visit and Side Affect Info
My parents went with me to my treatment today.  It was so nice to have them there.  They got up VERY early this morning so we could leave at 7AM this morning to drive the 2 hours and 15 minute (it was longer due to stopping for gas and morning traffic) drive to the Sarah Cannon Cancer Center in Nashville.  My counts were okay.  My WBC count was 6,500...they said they like to see it higher, but since I'm going to have the Neulasta shot on Thursday I should be okay.  I am also a little Anemic.  My RBC count was 3.8 and the lowest of the good range is 4.04, but they said it was okay.  I was actually feeling really good so I surprised my RBC count was low, but I see that my thyroid was VERY high and he didn't even mention it.  I only noticed it because I asked for my records.  I had my thyroid radiated in 2004 due to Graves Disease so I have no thyroid anymore...the radiation killed it.  I do not take my thyroid medication that well.  So, I am pretty surprised.  I am taking it better though since the doctor suggested putting it on my nightstand and taking it before bed.  I actually remember now.  :o)  Maybe the thyroid grew back from the chemo treatments.  LOL!

Anyway, they confirmed that my burn on my hand was from the taxotere chemo drug, but it is so much better today that they aren't worried at all.  I will try to take a picture in a few days.  I forgot to mention that I did stop by their office last Tuesday to talk to them.  I had to see a chemo nurse because they were gone for the day.  She said it didn't look too bad at all and to just keep putting Aquafor on it and keep it out of the sun.  The doctor told me that because I was on the Doxycycline it really helped it to not become worse.  Big Praise!

I talked to him about my hot flashes and how they are driving me crazy and messing up my sleep.  So, he gave me Megestrol (20mg).  He thinks he will help and has promised it won't contribute to my weight gain (since it is such a low dose) even though a side affect is weight gain.

The doctor also confirmed that I will be going on Tamoxifen soon.  I told him I wasn't sure I wanted to be on it, but I will try it.  I just feel like if the side affects are bad I might be okay with declining it.  I don't know.  My biopsy was only 20% estrogen positive.  I will have to take it a total of 5 years (2 full years, try to have a baby for 2 and then 3 more years).  I am concerned about weight gain and hot flashes....well...and of course I would like to try for a baby sooner than 2 years.  But, I guess I can always pray for a miracle adoption.  :o)  He told me that tamoxifen won't make me gain weight or have hot flashes.  I'm going to ask a few of my friends that are on it and do a little research though.  Also, I want a little time to go on a diet/exercise first before I start it.  He wants me to wait 3-4 weeks to start my diet, but I can start the exercise now, on my good days, if I don't over do it.  Last week I did go for a couple walks.  One was almost 2 miles.  I thought that was great for someone on chemo.

Chemo Experience
So, at 11am I was sitting in the chemo room...waiting in the chemo recliner for my IV (note: GET A PORT if you ever have to do chemo).  It is funny because they are doing construction in the building so every time I come in for chemo the room is totally different.  It was nice today because I found a recliner with 2 guest chairs!  Normally, each recliner has only 1 chair because you are only allowed one guest, but I asked and they let them both stay with me.  :o)  It was a blessing!  The nurse was great and only had to stick me twice to get blood!  YAY!  It worked on the 2nd try. I know there were some praying about this so thank you so much!  My eyes were actually tearing up already the 2nd time because I was a little scared that we were going to have a replay of last time...but God was gracious.  We met many sweet chemo patients today.  It was a great way to end my treatment being able to talk about our stories together.  I gave them my card and I hope I can keep in contact with a few of them.  I got their first names so I could pray for them and I hope I hear from them so I know how to pray specifically for them and because I will always wonder how they are doing.  It was not their last treatment and have different cancers.  :o(  So, they will need much prayer.  At 2:30pm we were talking out the door.....so happy that this was it!  I'm a chemo graduate!  Another thing I can add to my list of experiences.  I'm glad I will be able to truly say that I understand what someone else going through chemo is going through.  It is rough!  But, the Lord walked through it with me and when I prayed (and you prayed) He answered.  What an Awesome God we have.  A personal God that loves us so much.

Jayde getting chemo.  Celebrating SEC football starting on Saturday by wearing her Auburn University head covering (it was a sweet gift), earrings and shirt.  WAR EAGLE!!

After Chemo Celebration
I was pretty out of it after chemo and very drowsy, but I wanted to celebrate so we went to Red Lobster for a late lunch.  It was so good, but the last two chemo treatments I've had a weird thing happen when I eat.  My throat won't swallow without me concentrating on it.  I know, it sounds weird.  I had to pause and think in order to swallow my food sometimes.  Strange!  Also, my mom hinted to the waitress that this was my last chemo day and she brought me a cheesecake with chocolate drizzle and it was VERY good.  Thank you Red Lobster!

Apples
We arrived back home at about 6pm.  I was tired and I have 3 boxes of apples (about 60) that need to be preserved before my side affects get too bad.  My father-in-law was gracious and let me take what I wanted.  His apples are SO GOOD!  They are organic since he doesn't use any chemicals or sprays on his trees which is so great.  My dad did most of the work for me on Sunday by picking them, climbing the ladder and fighting the bees.  Thank you both!!  I did help to pick some and paid for it the next day with muscles spasms at the top of my right tissue expander.  Luckily, it was only bad yesterday and has not been too bad today.  It was VERY sharp pains yesterday.  It was fun to throw a few of the bad ones to the cows and donkeys (the horse was MIA at the time) and watch them eat them.  One of the donkeys let me hand feed him.  :o) They are pretty small apples so I don't think they will take too long to process, but it still requires energy.  I have a magic apple peeler, corer and slicer...it does all 3 at the same time!  The magic apple tool makes it go very fast.  So, tonight I did 26 apples while sitting at the table (I will finish the rest in the next few days).  I would put them in a solution so they wouldn't brown since I was VERY slow I didn't want to miss this step.  Then, I blanched them for 2 minutes, vacuum sealed them, labeled them and froze them.  I was able to do 17 cups tonight (3 bags of 4 and 1 back of 5 cups).  I'll be able to make pie, cobbler or other dessert with them later.  I have been so blessed during this journey with so many giving people.  We were ready to put our garden in the week I found out I had cancer so we decided not to have a garden this year.  YET, God provided.  I was able to preserve tomatoes, green beans, okra, apples and one other veggie, but I can't remember right now.  LOL!  My brain is so fried.

So, with that....I can't type anymore.  I'm going to bed and praying that I can sleep tonight despite the steroids they pumped into me today.  Love you all!  God bless you.  I'm sorry for any typos or sentences that don't make sense.

Leaving you with a pic of Kevan and I.  We went to a movie last week on one of my good days.  You can see how chubby my face is getting.  :o(

A friend of mine, who's initials are WDB confirmed that I have a double-chin and that I'm starting to look more like him everyday.  Thanks WDB!  Thanks a lot.  lol!!

Fix Our Eyes

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."  - 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Normally, I don't start my posts out with scripture, but today I felt like I needed to.  Two things have really been speaking to my heart this week.  First, the scripture above.  I am nearing the end of my treatment and looking toward to my new title of  "cancer survivor".  I am thinking back through everything I've been through, seeing the many ways God worked in my life.  I believe He has allowed me to have complete healing, He has shown me the joy that comes from those that care, pray, give gifts, give time and just love on me.  It is amazing how loved I have felt through this journey.  Also, I've been changed.  Not just on the outside with my scars and reconstruction, but my heart has been changed.  I've been changed on the inside and I am so thankful for it.  When I read through the Bible in a year I remember praying a prayer the entire time I read it.  It was a certain prayer that I can see playing out in my life right now.  Little by little.  It is funny because I prayed the prayer a "certain way" and was kind of specific and God is answering it in a totally different way than I could have prayed myself.  But, a better way.  I hope one day soon I will let you know what this prayer was and tell you how God molded me and made me more bold in my faith in order to answer this prayer.  I'm still waiting for it to all unfold.  But, I read the verse above during one of my quiet times this week and it really spoke to my heart.  Make sure as you are going through something that you watch to see how God is changing you inwardly throughout the struggle.  Pray and ask God to help you stay focused on the eternal glory and not just the daily struggle.  This life is but a blink of an eye compared to eternity with Him.  Our focus needs to be on what is unseen.

The second thing that has been speaking to my heart this week is a quote by Ravi Zacharias.  I love Ravi.  He is an amazing evangelist from India with a wonderful story.  I have read many of his books and listened to a number of his sermons (in person and on the computer).  He recently did an interview with Ligonier ministries and they printed it in their monthly magazine, Tabletalk. Anyway, they asked Ravi, "What are the two most important ministry lessons you have learned in the past decade?"...this is what he said:

"The hardest lessons I’ve learned are, one, how important it is to have the right people around you, and two, to learn to face criticism and opposition (oftentimes from those who should be more understanding) without allowing it to sidetrack you from your closeness to the Lord and His call. When you’re doing very little, nobody will bother you. But when you are making an impact, the Enemy of our souls finds ready emissaries to take aim at you. It goes with the calling. Keep close to the Lord and don’t let the critics dent your calling that a gracious and sovereign God has shaped."

When I first started this blog I was trying to decide how I was going to go about telling my journey.  Should I talk about God?  Should I mention Jesus?  What about certain personal things?  Would people be offended if I discussed religion?  I know many people that have blogs and they try to keep religion and politics out of it as not to offend.  Through prayer, I realized that without God, Jesus and religion it wasn't about me.  It was just a blog shell of some anonymous person with breast cancer.  My daily life IS about God, Jesus Christ and the Word of God and without these things it wouldn't be a blog about Jayde.  So, I decided to be honest and to tell whatever was in my heart.  I have received a few comments since I started this blog.  People that didn't agree with me or were upset that I posted verses or talked about the Lord, but in the end...I know I made the right decision.  Their criticism or opposition was minimal compared to how many hearts may be changed, comforted or lifted up due to my openness.  So, if you are offended.....I'm not sorry.  lol!  This is about my life and my struggle...and that is what is in my heart.  My little blog has had over 13,000 hits in the past 4 months.  That is crazy!  My prayer from the beginning was that this blog will be a help to those that are living through a breast cancer diagnosis and that every woman (or man) would realize how much help the Lord is, to allow Him to walk with them through the journey and to be changed in the end.

Okay, now that I have said what my heart needed me to say.  lol!  I am doing really really well!  I am actually looking forward to my last treatment in 4 days!  Yes, I said "LAST TREATMENT"!!  I am still tired in the afternoons and have some foot and hand issues, but other than I am doing really well this treatment.  :o)

Also, not related to my blog, but to how Kevan and I fell in love...if you are single and looking to find a spouse....Ravi Zacharias has a wonderful series called "I, Isaac, Take Thee, Rebekah".  Also, I believe he talks about it in his interview, here.  It is even a good series for those that are married.  I might have to talk Kevan into going through it with me again...just to bring back the dating memories of when we listened to the sermons together.  I loved the audio version.  I don't think there was a book then so it would be fun to go through it.  His book "Walking from East to West" is also a great book about his life.  I listened to the audio version and loved it.

Love you all and I pray you will all be blessed this weekend!  To God be the Glory!