Day 13 - Holy Cow Batman - Literally!

I literally feel like a cow.  I gained 9 pounds while I was in the hospital.  9 pounds!  I kept telling Kevan I felt huge and when I walk I feel like a pregnant woman.  I sort of waddle.  So, between surgery weight and hospital weight I have gained 19 pounds.  Seriously??  I was afraid of this when I was diagnosed.  I hate it.  I feel so swollen.  Anyway.....enough about my fatness....I'm getting depressed.

I came home from the hospital today!!!!  We are praising the Lord.  I was in the hospital for 4 days.  3 days ago they diagnosed me with neutropenia and informed that if I got sick with an infection or virus I wouldn't have any white blood cells to fight it and could die within hours.  It was pretty scary.  But, with much prayer (mine and so many others) God graciously brought me through it.  That night our church sent out a text message to pray for me, our family was praying, co-workers and friends.....overnight my counts went up and then the next night they doubled.  It was awesome!  I am so blessed.  

I was told to call my Oncologist tomorrow morning and schedule an appointment to have him look at the swelling in my underarms.  I have to have this resolved before my next chemo treatment on 7/17 or the drop in WBC might happen again.  Also, one of the mistakes I made after chemo on 6/26 was the Neupogen shot.  The doctor asked me if I wanted it in case my WBC dropped or did I want to wait until there was a drop.  I said to wait because I had heard the shot gives so many bone pain and I was scared of the bone pain.  After the fact....I would've much rather had the bone pain.  So, the day after my 7/17 treatment I will receive the Neupogen shot.  Gladly!

Kevan and I arrived home at about 5:30 Central.  It was wonderful.  We brought everything in, played and loved on the kitties for a few minutes and then went outside to sit on our deck and enjoy being outside.  It was great to sit out on the deck and appreciate God's creation.  I love it.  I saw two bunnies playing together and eating here and there.  An indigo bunting flew in and stayed for the longest I have ever seen them sit.  They hardly ever show up let alone sit around for long.  Here is a picture of one I took in the past.

 We started seeing a bunch of hummingbirds in our pear tree so we decided it was time to fill the feeders.  Kevan grabbed the hummingbird feeders and I grabbed the bird feeders.  We filled them all and put them back up so we could enjoy our view a little more and the birds would really enjoy their feeders being full again.  When we were almost done putting the feeders back up a big wind came through.  All of a sudden we heard a loud CRACK!  I ducked.  We both knew it was a tree falling.  So, we both looked around and saw that it was a tree near our fence line that had died.  Kevan was going to take care of it in the fall, but it didn't wait that long.  It fell.  lol!  I was so glad it wasn't near the house.  Last year we had a huge Bradford Pear fall near the house so I was glad that this one wasn't anywhere near us.

I am so blessed to live here.  It is a 100 year old farmhouse with a huge barn and 8 acres.  It is old and needs a lot of work, but Kevan and I enjoy it here so much.  I am so thankful that after 4 days of being cooped up in a VERY small hospital room I can come home, sit out on my deck and look out at our pasture, feeders and trees to view so much of what God has blessed us with.  It is so beautiful.  I love sitting in my chair, hearing a hummingbird above me and looking up to see him at the feeder or sitting quietly in our pear tree.  

After our little rest on the deck I decided to clean my house some.  I was so sick last week that it fell to pieces.  I left dishes all over the kitchen, papers everywhere, floors unswept, etc.  I am so embarrassed that a few people stopped by to check on our house/kitties while we were gone.  But, I am thankful that they did.  I cleaned the kitchen, swept a little and that was enough.  It was nice to be able to do it though.  One thing I've learned is that while you are doing chemo....if you feel good...you better do what you need to do because when you feel bad....you will feel REALLY bad and you won't be able to do it.  So, I took advantage of my good day.  It was a great day!  God answered so many prayers and I am so blessed to be loved by so many that were praying for me.  My heart is so full.  There are days that I am in despair and I struggle so much, but I am so glad that there are days that I truly see God's love for me.  He is there all the time, I know.  

I am home.  I am okay now.  He is with me.  I love Him so!

Psalm 103:1 - "Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name!"

Prayer is a blessing I hope that you take advantage of.  It is a an amazing gift that God has given us.  To approach His Throne of Grace with our petitions.  To have a relationship with the one that created all things.  To talk with Him, cry to Him, ask of Him....to love Him, praise Him and worship Him.

"If your soul is starving, look to see how far you are from the Throne of Grace.   Prayer is the road to a deeply satisfying, drought-resistant joy in God." - Charles Spurgeon

Day 12 After Chemo - still in the hospital

We had a great morning today. I slept pretty good last night with only minor interruptions for vitals or IV antibiotics and my fever stayed below 100 all night. This was the first time in 4 days. I felt great. I also had faith that God was going to answer our prayers and my counts would be up. We waited around for the doctor to come by to fill me in, but I got tired of waiting and laying around. So, I asked the charge nurse if I could walk around the floor (which is really just a short hallway). She informed us that my counts were good and I was no longer Neutropenic. We were praising God. He answered so many prayers. My ANC count was zero yesterday and this morning it was 1710!! If it is under 1500 you are considered neutropenic. I'm just a little outside the zone. But, this is so much better than where I was. My WBC count is 4100 today. Normal is 4000-10,000. So, I am low normal. The nurse said if I wore a mask I could come out of my room and walk around. It felt great.

We were so optimistic about going home. When we got back to the room I asked to take a shower. She wrapped my Picc site with Saran wrap so it wouldn't get wet and then I took a shower....with the IV still attached and the pole outside the shower. It was hard to do, but I did. When I was brushing my hair out so much was falling out. Kevan told me to stop and let him do it. So, he held on to the roots and then brushed. Lol! I'm not sure it really helped. As Kevan was helping me with my gown I noticed that there was a big bubble of pink down the top of the sticky tape thing on my arm. It looked like a blister. I thought, "uh oh, this can't be good." I showed it to the nurse and she ans the charge nurse got to work removing the tape. Apparently, the cords were pulling the tape and my skin (due to chemo) couldn't stand up to it. The nurse pulled on it....I screamed and the blister broke open and drained. Ewwww! So, the charge nurse ran out to get this special stuff to remove adhesive. It smells like acetone for fingernail polish remover. It went great for the non-blister side but when they reached the blister portion I was screaming out in pain. It was about 4-5 inches long so it took them awhile to finish. I was worn out by the end. They bandaged it up. She told me she was pretty sure they wouldn't let me go home now.

When the doctor arrived he filled us in a little more regarding the underarm ultrasounds. I guess they saw a lot of swelling and fluid. I now have an abscess on both sides that hurts so bad and they won't give me anything for it. Maybe there isn't anything to help. Anyway, he thinks this is the cause of the drop in WBC's. He thinks they are infected. Now, they normally drop with chemo, but not this much I guess. He called my ontological surgeon who did my biopsies. I guess he was in Utah riding his bike. Lol! He wants them to put me on an antibiotic to see if it will help, but hey are wanting it drained before my next treatment or this may happen again. I guess a pocket of fluid has formed that does not get the antibiotics like it should. Note -this underarm swelling is not new. It has been going on for a year. I've asked several doctors about it several times and they just tell me. I probably have a virus or something. Blowing me off. The doctor I saw today said that it never goes away due to that "pocket of fluid" so that is why it keeps coming back whenever I'm sick. Why does it take so many doctors before one listens? Grrrr! Anyway, it sounds pretty gross typing it all out, but it's not really. You can't really even tell. I just know because of the pain I'm in.

He also told me that was not going home....probably not tomorrow either. Especially, since my culture results are not even back yet and I still can't be exposed to others, germs, etc. I became really sad for a few hours, but I'm better now. I also started having a horrible headache, but it has since subsided after a short nap.

I'm thankful that I had several visitors today. It did wear me out a little, but it was nice to see everyone. Also, a very sweet co-worker sent me a stuffed animal and balloons! It was so sweet and really helped my spirits. I don't think there is much else to tell. I wanted to share a few verses but I am so exhausted and I've been typing this all out on my iPad, which takes forever. So, hopefully I will do that tomorrow. Kevan is getting tired of being here....he needs prayer too. He was really angry when the doctor said I couldn't go home.

Thank you to all who prayed for me and my counts. I could tell that prayers were being prayed. God was so gracious to answer favorably. I'm signing off now. Love you all.

Isolation

Since my WBC counts did not go up after the shot and my ANC is zero my room is now marked for isolation. Visitors are limited. They have to wear masks and wash with antiseptic before entering. I had to go have an ultrasound earlier of my underarms to see if there was an abscess that was causing the pain and swelling. There is no abscess and no excess fluid. I'm praising God for that. This is pretty scary. I've never experienced such a serious condition before. I know it is happening for a reason and that my Father is in control. I just have to keep reminding myself this.

kevan and his mom went out to dinner to give me a break and give Kevan a break. I had a sweet time of prayer and was able to pray out loud to my Heavenly Father for healing. I am praying for a restful night, a turn to the better for my WBC and ANC counts and also that my fever will go away.

I had a huge blessing today! My aunt and uncle stopped by on their way to Alabama on vacation. They are from Michigan and I didn't know they were even on the road. When they walked in, with their masks on, I was speechless because I couldn't figure out how they could be here. I was like...am I in Michigan? First thing out of my mouth was, "How could you be here?". I thought the medications were playing tricks on me. I broke down and cried joyful tears. It was such a sweet surprise that they and God blessed me with. thank you Aunt Theresa and Uncle Mike for taking the time to see me. It was wonderful. I love you both!

Hospital Update - Day 10 & 11

My last post talked about my 4th of July experience being sick. Well, I woke up on the 5th after another night of chills/sweating to feeling ok. I took advantage of how I felt and took a shower and dried my hair. Then, shortly after we headed out to have my blood counts checked at the doctor. It did not go well. When I got there it was freezing. I sat in the waiting room miserable. They called me back for my blood test. It wasn't bad at all. She just pricked my finger. Then, they took me to the chemo room to wait to hear back from my doctor. While I was waiting I started getting really sick with joint pain and chills. They let me lay down in one of the recliners and put two blankets over me. The doctor called back and due to me fever and White blood cell (WBC) count ordered a culture test.

For a culture test they take blood twice - out of two different locations - fifteen minutes apart. The nurse had a hard time finding a vein due to dehydration and fever. She stuck the needle in and dug around. It was so painful I started crying. She pulled it back out and called a different nurse. She couldn't find one either. I asked to go home. Lol!

They called my doctor back and he asked me to come into their Nashville office so they could see me in person. I was at a satellite location just for my blood work so my doctor was not on site. They did inform me that I would probably be admitted to the hospital. Kevan and I stopped at home to grab some things and ready the kitties since we might be gone a few days. Then, drove the 1.5+ hrs to Nashville.

When we arrived at the doctors office they took my temp and it was about 101 still. The doctor said my WBC counts were dangerously low. I am now neutropenic. They have to be at least 1,000 to be ok. That isn't normal level but it is a safe level. Mine was 100. So, they admitted me to Centennial hospital. They gave me a shot in the arm before I left their office to help with my WBC counts. It was pretty painful. But, who really like shots?

Since I've been here I had a chest x-ray to rule out pneumonia (it was negative), a successful blood draw for the culture tests, had a picc line inserted (I'll write about this in another post...it was a scary procedure for me but turned out okay) and I've had several IV drugs. They woke me up every hour throughout the night to add IV drugs or take my vitals. The sentinel node biopsies have been a bit of a pain because I want to take precautions so I do not develop lymphedema. So, they are taking blood pressure from my leg instead of my arm. The picc line is in my upper left arm and I've refused to have my right arm poked. I am right handed so if I were to develop lymphedema I wouldn't want it in my dominant arm.

At 3am i started having a fever and chills again. It was 100.8 so they gave me Tylenol to bring it down. Also, my blood work revealed low potassium so I had to have potassium added to my IV every hour for 6 hours. It was not bad except that it woke me up each time. Kevan slept on the couch bed thingy they have in the room so I wouldn't be here alone. It doesn't look comfy at all. He was woken up so much that I told him to stay at his moms tonight. He is working now from my room.

The doctor stopped by this morning to let me know that my WBC counts did not come up. So, I can't go home. They gave me another shot in my stomach. It was not painful at all. Next time I'm picking the stomach again. The doctor doesn't think my swollen armpits are lymph nodes, but excess fluid build up. He's going to order an ultrasound. He apologized because they are so painful to the touch that the ultrasound is going to be pretty painful.

Kevan noticed a sign on my door. Because I have neutropenia there are certain precautions now. Here are a few:

1. No fresh flowers.
2. No fresh fruit.
3. If I leave the room I have to wear a mask.
4. No children under 12.
5. All adult visitors will be screened.

There are more but I can't remember them. So, I'm here for at least another day. A praise is that my antibiotic can cause nausea and I've had no nausea....praise the Lord. Please pray that my fever will stop and my counts will go up. I want to go home. Thanks everyone. I love you all.