Top 10 List...

This is my attempt to do a funny top 10 list of things that will be new experiences after a bilateral (double) mastectomy.  I know that my surgery was serious....but God gave us a sense of humor for a reason.  I'm still in pain, I still can't look at myself in the mirror just yet (Kevan says things are looking better though!), but I can still laugh at the little things.  So, if you have to have one too, just ask God for strength, ask friends for prayer and laugh as much as you can through the pain.  God is with you and that's all that matters.

• The doctor will give you a lovely necklace (lanyard) to hang your drain tubes on.  This will become your new jewelry.  See my pretty necklace and drain tubes below.

• If you can't remember something or you fall asleep when someone is talking to you.....you can blame it on the Valium.  I blame the look on my face above....on the Valium.  I think I was in "la la land".  Wherever that is.
• When people ask you your prognosis (I don't know why, but this drives me nuts) you can tell them your dying.  lol!  Cuz aren't we all?  Of course, I have a good prognosis....but I always feel like the person asking what my prognosis is is secretly hoping I'll say "soon".  Now, if you are reading this and you are one of the ones that asked....just know that you 'urked' me just a little.  lol!  
• If you have to have a sentinel node biopsy you are fitted with pretty little arm "fashion" sleeves.  And, if you are like me...and have two biopsies...you get one for both arms.  I'm thinking about getting this one for both arms so I can look like a biker babe, but without the real tattoos.  It will go great with my do-rag on my bald head.

• You get a doctor's note that you get to hand to your husband with a big smile on your face that tells him you are not allowed to do household chores!  No vacuuming, no sweeping, no laundry, no emptying the dishwasher and my favorite.....no kitty litter.
• Your new best friends will be prunes and Senokot.  Believe me!  New.....Best.....Friends!  Narcotics may make you feel real good, but they sure don't make your intestines work well.
• Now, after said prunes/Senokot take effect everyone in your household will ask you "how'd it go?" when you leave the restroom and when you finally have good news....you will all have a mini-celebration.  At no other time would this be okay.  Seriously. 
• You get to use your "cancer card".  So, if you want something really bad...like say a Kindle Fire....and your hubby isn't falling for it.  Just say, "But, I have cancer and I just had my boobies removed."  It will work every time.  They will probably even have it over-nighted UPS. 
• You get to lay and contemplate your life for a REALLY long time if there is no one around to help you up.  See my previous post.
• And my absolute favorite.  Because you can't wear deodorant for 3 weeks, by the end of each day you will smell like a freshly mowed lawn that contains a field of wild onions (this is a quote directly from my husband.  lol!).

Long story, but it's pretty funny

I was really happy to be able to go to church today.  It was great to be able to worship and be with good friends.  It was so great to see everyone and they all knew that I had to have "side hugs" so it wouldn't hurt me. :o)  Kevan and I also went early so we could go to Sunday School and after the church service there was a church business meeting so I was exhausted and in pain by the time we left.  I was due pain medication at least an hour before church ended and had forgotten it at home.  I couldn't wait to get home to take it.  Although, since we live pretty far from town we had to run a few errands before we headed back home so the pain was getting a little unbearable. 

When we arrived back to the house after church I changed into my PJ's, took my pain meds and told Kevan I needed to take a nap on the couch.  Keep in mind that I am able to lay myself down, but I am still unable to pull myself back up from a laying position.  So, I still require help.  Once I laid down I told him I forgot to grab the phone or the walkie talkie so he would need to set them near me before he went outside.  I fell right to sleep.  I woke up to one of my cats jumping onto my chest.  OUCH!  We were locking them out of the room so this wouldn't happen, but now we've only been doing it at night when I'm in bed.  It hurt, but I don't think he damaged anything.  But, it certainly scared me.

One thing about me is....I do not take long naps.  I am a 20-30 minute napper, but today I was actually able to sleep about an hour.  When I awoke I could hear hammering outside so I knew Kevan was out there working on the deck.  I looked around....there was no phone...no walkie talkie and I could hear my cell phone vibrating somewhere unreachable.  How could I call him to get me up?  I hate just sitting and doing nothing.  I laid there for about 30 minutes and realized that I might be able to at least reach the TV remote so I could at least watch TV.  After MUCH stretching and maneuvering I finally reached it and turned it on.  I watched TV for about 30 minutes and the whole time I am trying to figure out how Macgyver would get himself out of this situation....now remember.....this now has been 2 hours since I laid down and since Kevan last saw me.  I tried making a rope out of my blanket and pulling myself up.  Nope.  Didn't work.  I tried grasping the top of the couch.  Nope.  I tried moving onto my side a little, but that just hurt my drain suture and I thought I might fall onto the floor and rip my drain out.  I was fuming after about 2 hours and 45 minutes of laying on this couch.  Then, I starting to cry a little.  lol!  Tears were actually falling.  I couldn't believe my husband just forgot about me and all I needed was a little push to sit up!  It would only take about 4 seconds to help me up.  I was so mad that I still couldn't sit up by myself.  Grrrrrr!!!!  

One funny part is that I would scream for him, "KEVAN!!" really loud hoping he would hear me.  Each time I did this our male cat, Aubie, would stand up, walk over to our female cat, Stormie, and bite her neck.  It was hilarious!  So, I'd tell Aubie, "No, quit biting your sister" and he'd stop.  Then, a little while later I'd scream for Kevan again and Aubie would go back over and bite her neck.  LOL!  I don't know what in the world was going on in his little head but it sure was funny.  Aubie is probably our sweetest kitty even thought all 3 are pretty sweet.  This is what he does EVERY morning before Kevan gets up.  He goes in and cuddles with Kevan.  Isn't he so sweet.  So, I don't know what got into him earlier when I was screaming for his daddy.  lol!

Anyway, I FINALLY heard the door open and Kevan finally walked in to see how I was doing.  "HOW WAS I DOING??"  I asked him how in the world he could forget about his invalid wife for almost 3 hours and when had he ever known me to sleep longer than an hour!   Kevan is not good with time.  He said he had no idea it had been that long.  He wears a watch.  I just don't get it. 

Now that I'm sitting up I can go to the bathroom if I want, I can get myself a drink, play a game on my phone, eat some chocolate, call my Mom....so many options.  I'm so happy to be out of that predicament.  I'm going to make myself a little dinner (from leftovers that friend's from church brought over) and watch a good Hallmark movie.  Kevan and his dad are outside piddling around still.  

Even though he forgot about me for almost 3 HOURS I am still thankful for all he has done for me during this time that I've needed him so much.  I know he's tired of having to do my bandages twice a day and having to do my drains.  But, he still does it and he doesn't complain.  Now, if I could just get him to help clean the house a little since I can't do it yet....but I really think he'd rather do bandages and drains.  lol!