I want to write a little bit about what is going on in my head so that later after this is over I can look back and see how God worked it all out. Also, so I may be able to answer questions that someone going through the same thing might also have.
Unfortunately, I broke down a little and cried for awhile today. I was by myself so I didn't subject Kevan to my outburst. I know it is okay to cry, but I don't like to if I can help it. lol! I'm not sure if it is knowing that I have bilateral breast cancer (cancer in both breasts) or if it is just getting closer to my surgery date and I'm getting scared. It could also be that I'm just emotional today because I'm a girl and some days we just cry for no reason. Being a girl is no fun sometimes. I also made the mistake of "researching" and saw some pictures of "after" photos that I wish I could erase from my brain. Then, I followed that up by reading about the prognosis of those with bilateral breast cancer and it is not so good. I haven't been able to meet with my doctor yet to talk to him about it. My appointment is Monday morning. I prayed and Kevan prayed for me too. I'm feeling a little better.
Questions in my head:
- Will I have to have a sentinel node biopsy on both sides now that there is cancer on both sides?
- I read (I know...stop researching) that if they have to take lymph nodes out of both sides that I will have to have my blood pressure and blood drawn out of my leg/foot! REALLY???? Um....no!
- What am I going to look like when I wake up from surgery?
- What am I going to look like 6 weeks post surgery?
- Will Kevan be okay with my new look?
- How bad will my scarring be?
- Will I have withdrawal from the drugs they give me for pain relief?
- How long will I have to take pain meds? Anyone that knows me knows I HATE taking medication. Even for a headache.
- Does my staging change since I have it on both sides?
Jeremiah 29:11 - "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Jeremiah 17:14 - Heal me, Lord, and I will be healed; save me and I will be saved, for you are the one I praise.